The Return of the Pink Panther

Inspector Clouseau:
You fool! You raving Oriental idiot! There is a time and a place for everything, Cato! ...and this is it!!

Inspector Clouseau:
I see you are familiar with the falling-down-on-the-floor ploy.

Inspector Clouseau:
Valet, this is Inspector Clouseau. Please send up my... well, please send down my brown suit immediately. As quick as you can. Quicker, please!

Inspector Clouseau:
[after inadvertently destroying much of the hotel he is in]: I must leave. Zis Hotel is deteriorating rapidly.

Inspector Clouseau:
[to a taxi driver]: Follow that car! [driver gets out of the taxi and follows the car]

Inspector Clouseau:
I did not know the bank was being robbed because I was engaged in my sworn duty as a police officer.

Inspector Clouseau:
I arrest you, Sir Charles Phantom, the notorious pink Lytton.

Inspector Dreyfus:
Now he's off to Gstaad. Today... a paradise in the Swiss Alps; tomorrow... a wasteland! Compared to Clouseau, Attila the Hun was a Red Cross volunteer!

Blind beggar:
I am a musician and the monkey is a businessman. He doesn't tell me what to play, and I don't tell him what to do with his money.

Inspector Clouseau:
This is very strange. I do not ever recall receiving the fortune cookie in a Japanese restaurant.

Sgt. François Chevalier:
What does yours say?

Inspector Clouseau:
"Beware of Japanese waitress bearing fortune cookies..."

Inspector Clouseau:
I tell you, infamous powers are at work! The instant you assign me to a case, the Underworld hears about it and I am set upon! ... It is amazing that I am still alive.

Chief Inspector Dreyfus:
"Amazing" is not the word.

Inspector Clouseau:
Do I detect something in your voice that says I am in disfavor with you?

Chief Inspector Dreyfus:
YES! I wish you were DEAD!

Inspector Clouseau:
Well, of course, you are entitled to your opinion.

Inspector Clouseau:
How long have you been a bellboy?

Bellboy:
Oh, too long, Monsieur.

Clouseau:
Keep up the good work, and I shall see to it you become a bell *man*.

Inspector Clouseau:
[answering the phone] This is Monsieur Gadoire - who is this speaking?

Chief Inspector Dreyfus:
Don't you know? Hmmm? Hmmm? Can't you guess? I'll give you a clue - this is the man who hates you. This is the man who more than anything else in the world would like to see you dead and buried!

Inspector Clouseau:
...are you the headwaiter that works in the little bistro on the Rue de Bazaar?

Chief Inspector Dreyfus:
No, this is Chief Inspector Dreyfus! Idiot!

Inspector Clouseau:
You understand that anyone could ask for Monsieur Guy Gadbois and say that they were Chief Inspector Dreyfus. What is your code-name?

Chief Inspector Dreyfus:
Code-name... CODE-NAME?! I've never had a code-name, lunatic!

Inspector Clouseau:
Only the real Inspector Dreyfus would know that he did not have a code-name.

Chief Inspector Dreyfus:
The beggar was the lookout man for the gang.

Inspector Clouseau:
That is impossible.

Chief Inspector Dreyfus:
Why?

Inspector Clouseau:
He was blind! How can a blind man be a lookout?

Chief Inspector Dreyfus:
How can an idiot be a policeman? Answer me that!

Inspector Clouseau:
It's very simple... all he has to do is enlist.

Chief Inspector Dreyfus:
Shut up!

Police Chief Lundallah:
He pulled himself across the floor using this wire. How else could he have avoided our radar field?

Inspector Clouseau:
He did? ... Yes, how else! Hmm. Of course he would have needed a very slippery floor to do that.

Police Chief Lundallah:
Therefore the wax.

Inspector Clouseau:
The wax? ... AGHH! [Clouseau slips on the waxed floor and falls to the ground]

Col. Sharky:
Are you alright, Inspector?

Inspector Clouseau:
[on his knees] Of course I'm alright. I'm... examining the wax. [sniffs the wax on the floor] Have you taken a sample of this wax?

Police Chief Lundallah:
Wax is wax!

Inspector Clouseau:
See, this is where you are wrong. Wax is NOT just wax. In this case it is a clue. Domestic wax, Belgian Wax, French Wax, English Wax...

Col. Sharky:
Ah, the Inspector is right. Have the wax tested immediately.

Inspector Clouseau:
[grabbing a mechanical arm from the jewel stand] It is my guess that you will find it is English wax.

Police Chief Lundallah:
Why?

Inspector Clouseau:
Because your thief is an Englishman.

Col. Sharky:
How do you know that?

Inspector Clouseau:
It is my business to know that. He is Sir Charles Phantom, the notorious Lytton.

Police Chief Lundallah:
The Phantom?

Inspector Clouseau:
Yes, one and the same.

Inspector Clouseau:
[to blind beggar] City Ordinance 132R prohibits the begging.

Blind beggar:
How do you know so much about city ordinances?

Inspector Clouseau:
What sort of stupid question is that? Are you blind?

Blind beggar:
Yes!

You may rest assured that there's trouble, because Inspector Clouseau is on the case...That's the trouble.

Parrot:
[to Inspector Clouseau, entering the hotel room] Wie geht’s?

Chief Inspector Dreyfus:
[to Francois, after accidentally shooting himself in the face] Don't just stand there, idiot. Call a doctor, and then help me find my nose!!

Inspector Clouseau:
[at Lytton Manor in Nice, while working undercover as a telephone repairman, Clouseau has already annihilated the Lyttons' doorbell!] ... I am from the Nice Telephone Company; there is some trouble with your phone.

Mac:
...I don't think there's any trouble with the telephones here.

Inspector Clouseau:
I know when there is a trouble, and when there is not a trouble, and you may rest assured that there is a trouble.

Mac:
Since when?

Inspector Clouseau:
Since it was reported.

Mac:
By whom? And what sort of trouble is it?

Inspector Clouseau:
If I knew that, I could simply call you up and tell you what the trouble with your telephone is!

Doctor:
Describe your thoughts. Get them out in the open. You'll feel much better.

Chief Inspector Dreyfus:
All right. See, it's always the same. Clouseau is sitting there, in a chair, just like you, with his back to me. Then suddenly, my hands go round his throat, and I begin to squeeze (he does). It's wonderful. It's marvellous. I'm squeezing (and the doctor is choking...). And the more I squeeze, the freer I feel. I'm in ecstasy. And then suddenly, suddenly my problem is solvèd...

Chief Inspector Dreyfus:
Doctor! DOCTOR!

Sir Charles Lytton:
He's either reloading, or he's out of ammunition.

Inspector Clouseau:
E's out of his mind, that's what e's out of!