The Slaughter

Carl Stevens:
[to She Demon] Holy sh*t... spirit made flesh, huh? Uhm. I'm rich. You seem a woman of means. Let's talk business. With my money, and your, well-uh... hell-spun powers of evil, we could go places, babe. Think about it.

Dana:
Okay, so we need to stick together from now on.

Iggy:
Right.

Alexandra:
Yeah, good. So, um, I got my stuff downstairs, and I'm gonna go get it, and then I'm gonna meet you guys.

Dana:
Right.

Iggy:
Zombie! Carl's a zombie. No longer a soulless, mindless, walking-dead corporate zombie, but a real zombie.

Iggy:
[as Dana is about to attack the zombie] Wait, wait! Is this a Romero zombie or one of the new virus zombies?

Alexandra:
What the hell are you talking about?

Dana:
Okay, okay, now the old zombies are like, stiff.

Iggy:
They lumber.

Dana:
Whatever!

Iggy:
No, no, not whatever, they lumber, it's important. The new ones are, like, super-fit sport zombies. Old zombies, we can take this guy; new zombies... we may be f***ed.

Dana:
[after just escaping into the attic from a small zombie horde] I think we lost them. Where's Alexandra?

Iggy:
They ate her!

Dana:
...so we're the only ones left?

Iggy:
I think it's just you and me, two mere mortals against evil unknown fighting the preternatural powers of a hell-spawn succubus!

Dana:
F**k her! F**k her and the forces of darkness that created her, f**kin' she-b*tch from hell. Hateful, evil murderous b*tch with no friends and BAD SKIN! [inhales sharply and slaps her bicep] We can DO THIS! What do we have?

Iggy:
For what?

Dana:
...like weapons to fight off the supernatural forces of darkness?

Iggy:
Nothing.

Dana:
Ughh. Something holy?

Iggy:
Nope.

Dana:
Spells, incantations?

Iggy:
Bupkus.

Dana:
Protective amulets?

Iggy:
Big negatory.

Dana:
There's gotta be some kind of magic charm to command the evil!

Iggy:
I don't know, man.

Dana:
[grabbing Iggy by the collar and shaking him] There's ALWAYS a magic charm to command the evil!

Iggy:
[pauses and points at Dana before calmly saying] That just sounds gay.

Dana:
There's gotta be something. ANYTHING!

Iggy:
We got nothing, man. Nothing. [whispers] Nothing.

Dana:
[looks off as if she has an idea]... and THAT is the best weapon we have.