The Sweeney

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
SHUT IT!

[a woman in a short tennis skirt bends over, showing her knickers. Regan and Stanley Proctor leer at her]

Stanley Proctor:
I could be arrested for what you were thinking!

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
I sometimes hate this bastard place! It's a bloody holiday camp for thieves and weirdos - all the rubbish. You age prematurely trying to sort some of them out. Try and protect the public, and all they do is call you fascist. You nail a villain and some ponced-up pinstripe Hampstead barrister screws it up like an old fag-packet on a point of procedure, then pops off for a game of squash and a glass of madeira. He's taking home thirty grand a year, and we can just about afford ten days in Eastbourne and a second-hand car. It's all bloody wrong, my son.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
The hairs on my wooden leg tell me that something is up.

[Regan and Carter find Stanley Proctor's body lying on the floor of his ransacked shop]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
They really laid into him.

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
Poor little bastard.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
[bitterly and sarcastically] He was sixty-three, five foot four and asthmatic - he must have *really* given them a bad time.

Kate Regan:
I still love you, Jack. And I still hate you. Well, not you, maybe - the job.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
You can't separate a man from his work, Kate.

Kate Regan:
That's the trouble.

[Regan has arrested Brenda for kidnapping his daughter]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Have you any idea what you've done to her mother? She could end up in a psychiatric ward because of you.

Brenda:
[lamely] Sorry.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
[angrily] Sorry? Too bloody late for that! If you were Alan Foss, I'd take you somewhere quiet and I'd make sure you never walked straight again!

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
People like you and Foss make me laugh. I find you both about as funny as a broken leg.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
I'm gonna nail these pigs, and God help them when I do.

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
[Looking at a wilted plant of Regan's] Hey, you haven't been waterin' this, have yah?

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
[Dryly] They don't like scotch.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
[to Knowles] You couldn't find an Irishman in a Harp factory.

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
Look, how do you want to play this?

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
The way it comes.

Det. Chief Insp. Frank Haskins:
Jack, I didn't understand.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
At least you listened.

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
It's dated today... coincidence?

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
I don't believe in coincidence when a man's been murdered.

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
I'm trying to lose some weight.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Listen, if you're really serious about that, you ought to try the onion diet.

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
I'm trying to lose a few pounds - not all my friends!

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
You haven't got any friends.

[Huke has been exposed as a corrupt policeman]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
What you did, what you are, turns my guts. Every copper on every beat has to pay for you, has to live you down.

[after a long chase along the river and through the lock-keeper's garden, Regan finally grabs hold of Perraut]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
[sarcastically] Nice to meet you - at long last!

[Vic Tolman is holding Regan at gunpoint after an attempt to arrest him went wrong]

Vic Tolman:
You dirty filthy festering scum!

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
You even *bruise* him and you'll need an embalmer, not a brief.

[Jack and Anne are playing Scrabble. Jack adds "GN" to "HOPS" to make "GNHOPS"]

Anne Knightly:
What's a gnhops?

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
It's what a one-legged g-nome does!

[Barry Smith has just crashed his car and is seriously injured after being chased by Regan and Carter. In his car they find a case containing ?10,000 in cash]

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
One thing, Guv. How are we going to explain all this to Haskins?

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
With long words and a dead straight face.

Charley Smith:
[after pulling off another hijacking] A little graft and a lot of bread.

Barry Smith:
I found a way of getting a lot of bread for no graft at all.

Charley Smith:
The world's full of mugs!

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
[after taking his pencil out of Polly the Parrot's cage] Look what he's done to my pencil!

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
I'm Flying Squad.

Ibbitt:
Thought your little mob was all seven feet tall and had wheels instead of feet.

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
Yeah, well I've not been well.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
That computer needs a new set of marbles.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
[Stopping in front of the bank] Look familiar?

Danny Keever:
The only bank I ever did was a piggy bank.

Det. Chief Insp. Frank Haskins:
You know something, Jack, there's a hole in your head as big as the hole in the bank vault.

[after his earlier failure to locate the robbers, and his quip about having to ride in the car boot, Keel is back in Regan's good books because he has just found the robbers' hideout and the kidnapped engineer]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Good job you've got your own car - you'd probably be riding on the bonnet of mine!

[Earlier in the day, Keel unwittingly annoyed Regan by getting into the front seat of the car, which is normally reserved for the senior officer - Regan. Now he has failed to locate the robbers]

Det. Sgt. David Keel:
Got the key to the boot?

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
What for?

Det. Sgt. David Keel:
After this lot, it's where I'm going to be travelling.

[final words to Jack, on a cassette recording that she has left for him to find]

Sandy Williams:
I don't think you can love unless you put your love before your work. I was prepared to do that for you. But would you have done it for me?

[before learning that Sandy Williams is an attractive woman, Regan has formed an impression of her based on her name above a magazine article]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Who the bleeding hell does this Sandy Williams think he is? Scotch Welsh git!

[Jack has taken Sandy Williams out for dinner, supposedly to question her]

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
How was last night?

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Well, from a legal point of view, we both committed a breach of the peace, were drunk and disorderly, used offensive language to three pedestrians, littered the Queen's highway to the extent of one empty champagne bottle and damaged a dustbin while reversing to park. From a human point of view,

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
[cockney accent] we 'ad a bloody good night, Your Worship.

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
Find out a lot about her?

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
[smirking] Yeah!

Sandy Williams:
[to Regan] Don't you bloody policeman have any personal code?

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
How old are you, Miss Williams?

Sandy Williams:
Twenty-six.

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
You'll be a lot older when you get out, sweetheart, and a lot less tasty.

Sandy Williams:
Get stuffed!

Raymond Meadows:
Lot rougher nowadays, so they tell me.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Oh yes. Criminal classes have gone to the dogs.

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
As far as C-11 are concerned, he's absolutely kosher.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
[scornfully] Meadows? He's as kosher as butter on a ham sandwich!

[Regan and Carter are watching Meadows' house. A Rolls Royce is parked in the drive]

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
I never fancied a Roller, myself. "Put the Rolls in the garage, James... I'll butter them later!"

WPC Julie Kingdom:
Who are you, if you don't mind me asking?

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
George Carter, Squad.

WPC Julie Kingdom:
Awkward or Suicide?

Det. Chief Insp. Frank Haskins:
I've just been with the Assistant Commissioner.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
[smirking] Not, I trust, in the biblical sense!

Evil Willie Sanders:
I fought the army, Tober, in the Emerald Isle. Maybe I fought you?

Tober:
[menacingly] No, son, if you had we'd have been doing business by the spiritualists!

[Carter chases Albert Milligan, a very small informer who has just legged it from a bookie's shop. He eventually catches up with him in an alley]

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
Dear me, Albert, you *can* shift for an economy size, can't you?

[Carter and some of the other Squad members are trying to arrest Tober's gang]

Det. Chief Insp. Frank Haskins:
[to Regan] Put a stop to that! I won't have members of my team brawling in public.

[an Arab called Abdul has been beaten up and robbed]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Where had you been?

Abdul:
Gambling.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Oooh. Who's a naughty Abdul. You wait till Allah hears about this.

[watching a home movie of Paul Ember driving a speedboat on a river]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
That's Paul's eighteenth birthday present. I used to have one of those... in my bath!

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
You're only saying that because you know we didn't have a bath.

[Regan and Carter have taken Harry Fuller in for questioning because they want to know how he has got all the cash that he has been buying drinks with. He is blind drunk and incoherent and has thrown up on Carter's jacket. Now they are letting him go]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
There's just one more thing, Harry. Forget about your own problems and put the nation first - have a bath!

[Regan and Carter have taken Mr Bradshaw, the auditor, to the pub with the express aim of getting him too drunk to work]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
When he came in, he was drinking lemonade. Now he's on doubles.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Trebles.

DC Jimmy Thorpe:
He said he didn't drink. He won't be much use like that.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
[grinning] Oh yes he will. The sky should fall in any minute, then we can send him off home.

[Carter and Fred have just finished changing the wheel after a puncture. Regan sees Deller running away, leaps into the car and chases after him]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Hello. Mr Deller. You are in good shape, aren't you. My name's Regan, Flying Squad. I think you'd better stop. It'll be better for both of us. You're nicked and I'm not authorized or insured to drive this car.

[Carter and Regan enter the house]

Joanna Drummond:
[to Conway] Darling, Batman and Robin are here!

[Two thieves burst into a couple's bedroom brandishing shotguns]

Colin McGruder:
Stand and deliver, your money or your wife!

[Wife starts screaming hysterically]

Colin McGruder:
On second thoughts, we'll just take the money.

[Regan and Carter have arrived at the leisure centre to find that Col and Ray have disappeared, leaving their car behind. A plane flies overhead]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
They're probably on board - cold beer in one hand and warm stewardess in the other.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
It's just our sense of humour, Jock.

DS Davy Freeth:
And the next bastard that calls me Jock gets his head knocked off!

[watching DS Freeth arrive off the train from Glasgow]

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
What's he carrying? What's that in his hand?

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
It's his breakfast, innit?

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
I thought they ate porridge.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Well they used to - until they discovered that it was healthy.

[DS Freeth gives DS Carter some warrants to arrest violent criminals]

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
Assault with a deadly weapon, GBH, attempted murder. What are they? Rangers supporters?

[Regan, Carter and Freeth break into a flat. It seems that there is no-one home. Carter calls from another room]

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
They left without making the bed. The reason could be there's a dead man in it.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
There's only been a break-in at Windsor Castle.

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
They haven't nicked the corgis?

DS Davy Freeth:
Where I come from, we don't batter down doors without a warrant.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Where you come from, they batter everything from fried fish to their bleeding grandmothers.

[backstage at the club where Morecambe and Wise are performing, a troupe of scantily-clad dancing girls walk past Regan and Carter]

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
[muttering lecherously, as each girl passes] I would. I would. I would.

[at the end of the line is a small, ugly, bandy-legged man]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
[muttering] I wouldn't.

[Following a tip-off, Regan and Carter have just spent a freezing night waiting for a robbery to take place in Sudbury, north west London, only to learn that it actually happened in Sunbury, south west London]

Det. Chief Insp. Frank Haskins:
Just one letter out - or about eighteen miles as the crow flies.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Stupid pratt.

Det. Chief Insp. Frank Haskins:
Your snout either needs elocution lessons or his ears syringing.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
With sulphuric acid!

[Carter and Alison's final conversation in the park before she is killed in a hit-and-run accident. Carter shows Alison a brown paper bag]

Alison Carter:
What are they?

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
Lychees.

Alison Carter:
You're joking!

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
Titter ye not, Madam.

[Alison grabs the bag excitedly and then looks disappointed as she peers in it]

Alison Carter:
There's only five.

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
I'm only a sergeant.

Alison Carter:
What d'you do with them?

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
[fake French accent] Well first you peel them, you see, and then you throw them away.

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
[normal voice] What d'you think you do? You eat them!

Alison Carter:
They're like king-size grapes.

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
No wonder the Chinese are so thin!

[pause]

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
They always remind me of fingers I saw once in the mortuary - after the quacks had peeled off the skins to reconstruct the prints.

[Last lines of the final episode, as Regan disappears in a taxi, vowing to quit the force]

Det. Chief Insp. Frank Haskins:
He'll be back. He needs the job like an alcoholic needs booze.

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
[sarcastically] Yeah?

[to Haskins]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
I am utterly and abjectly pissed-off with this little lot. I've given the best years of my life to the job. I've got eighteen bloody commendations, if you include the one I *didn't* get yesterday. And how does this "wonderful" police force show its gratitude for all my years of unstinting effort? It bangs me up in a crummy little cell like some cheap little villain - all because a toerag called Hutchinson's got a few bottles twitching on the Fifth Floor. Now, because that poor little bastard had the guts to get off his arse, I'm going to have to be reinstated. And what do you bunch of bleeding double-dyed hypocrits want now? You want me to crawl back to work and be terribly grateful that I didn't get nicked for something I didn't do. Well you can stuff it!

[walks away in disgust]

[talking about Biggleswade who has stolen money to pay for his daughter's medical treatment]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
He's just another bastard, but with some bottle.

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
Yeah, I know. But I can't help taking my hat off to him.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
If he'd have had a gun that day, he'd have taken your hat off - and your head with it!

Det. Chief Supt. Maynon:
You had three cars, twenty men, a tip-off and a bloody camera-man, and you *still* lost ?35,000! You'd better find that money, Jack, and all of it.

Harry Biggleswade:
[Referring to the search of his parents' apartment] I'll bet you left a lookin'-around mess.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
He left it as we found it - the right mess.

Doctor:
[to Carter about Reagan] See, he's his own bloody worst enemy.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Not as long as you are around, Doc.

[to Regan]

June:
You haven't got a heart in there - just a beating chargebook!

[MP Hilary Elkin has made an official complaint to Haskins that Regan has been harrassing Eddie Boyse]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
He's put the wind up Haskins. He's been running with two legs in the one knicker ever since.

[talking about Eddie Boyse]

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
He's got the Church and the Palace of Westminster on his side. Who have you got?

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
My mum. She thinks I'm a genius!

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
Excuse me for asking, guv'nor, but what the hell are we doing here?

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Revisiting the scene of the crime. Don't you ever go to the pictures?

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
Well yeah, but there's something about Clint Eastwood that make it enjoyable.

Eddie Boyse:
Don't look at me, Mr. Regan. I was with you.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
I'll drink with any fella. It's the best way to find out what's goin' on.

Alison Carter:
Guilty or innocent, Regan always gets his man.

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
You got no reason to say that.

Alison Carter:
I've got every reason - you! Because if you don't see through him, before long you're gonna turn out just like him. Look, George, I admire the work you do, the dedication, but times I'm jealous. I resent your involvement, the satisfaction you get from it, but Regan's an unhappy, mixed-up man. I think he's a headcase. At times he behaves just like a... monster!

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
But he's a good copper.

Alison Carter:
Is that the only way to be a good copper? Be tough? Be an anachronistic joke like Regan?

Det. Chief Supt. Braithwaite:
The good old days are gone forever. You can't keep villains banged up while you decide what to stick on them. Not any more.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
You can if your governors back you up.

Det. Chief Supt. Braithwaite:
I'll bend the rules to win, Jack, but I won't bend them to lose.

Christobel Delgado:
His pride would not allow him to take money from me.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
It didn't stop him trying to it from someone else.

Det. Chief Insp. Frank Haskins:
I'll go round the back.

[Haskins walks off]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Huh! Round-the-back Haskins strikes again!

[to Davey Holmes]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
If you weren't who you are, I'd kick your arse up to your shoulderblades.

Francis:
[menacingly but calmly] Mr Jessop sends his apologies. He's not feeling very well. Something to do with his legs. He tried to sell me some information... dirt, pure dirt.

[Davey tries to leave]

Francis:
We've not begun our little chat and already you're wanting to leave. Now that's not polite!

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
I want to ask you about last Wednesday. Were you in about eleven?

Dot Plummer:
Oh, I'm always in, love - except when I go out.

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
[sarcastically] Really?

[talking about Mrs Rix]

Sergeant:
She's got a mouth like a blowlamp.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Look, slag! I don't give a toss who you have in your bed, but don't you try and run your numbers on me!

[to Charlie Pearce, a local villain]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
[menacingly] You don't know what it's like in the nick do you? You can't breathe for the stink of sweaty bodies, stale food and slop-outs. It's horrible, Charlie. And then there's the noise: doors slamming, keys rattling, yard boots on the cat-walk, the tannoy blaring out all day, every day, Charlie. And when they bang you up for the night, there's some hairy great con wanting you to be "nice" to him. You'll love that, Charlie. And when you come out you've got form. No-one wants to know you, Charlie. You can't get a job. No one will give you a room. You're a social leper. Villains use you. Coppers put you in the frame. You're usually back inside within a 12-month.

[Carter rouses Wally Hough from a deep sleep. Hough looks very rough]

Wally Hough:
I've got a mouth like a fireman's boot. You got any fags?

Wally Hough:
I taught Jack Regan everything he knows... remember that!

[Kath takes off her spectacles and cleans them]

Kath Monk:
You can't be optimistic with a misty optic.

Iris Long:
You wouldn't cross the street to say hello to me if I lay naked on a zebra crossing.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Look, Iris, the world does not revolve round your body - this bloke Gallileo proved it: it goes round the sun.

[Regan has been summoned to a meeting with Superintendent Grant on his day off. DS Jellineck is taking him to Grant's office]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
[sarcastically] I really appreciate this, Sergeant. I was going to be spending a dull afternoon watching Fulham play.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
How long have you worked for Superintendent Grant?

Det. Sgt. Jellineck:
Six months. For my money he's the best superintendent a DS could have.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
There *is* a certain amount of wastage amongst his personnel. I mean his men keep dying on him. It's pretty dangerous working for Grant, isn't it?

Det. Sgt. Jellineck:
We have the highest arrest rate in the Met.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Yeah - cardiac arrest.

[talking about Grant]

Det. Sgt. Jellineck:
Sometimes I think he's his own worst enemy.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
[grimly] Not while I'm around!

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Get dressed.

Iris Long:
All right. What do you think I should wear? Something inexpensive cos of the bullet holes? Or something dark so it doesn't show the blood?

[panicking as he runs downstairs to the bar]

The Old Man:
[yells] Old Bill! All over the place! It's the police!

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Stop pretending you're on the bloody game. You'd *like* to be, but you don't have the application. Why don't you just rest on your reputation as a good lay, and leave it at that.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
[angrily to Grant] This is just another of your crap-up schemes that sen many a keen young jack to his grave! Well, I'm havin' nothin' to do with it! Nothin'!

Det. Supt. Grant:
[Referring to Regan] Such men were sent to Earth to try our patience, Gerry.

Iris Long:
You're getting hysterical.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
I'm not gettin' hysterical. I'm gettin' trrified.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
All right, you tell m why I'm here.

Iris Long:
Because you wanted to combine business with pleasure. That's plain, isn't it?

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Look, Iris, the world does not revolve around your body. This bloke Galileo proved it goes round the sun.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
You are about to sit the final examination for the Chinese civil service. They had only one question and no time limit. *Tell me all you know!*

[Regan is in hospital after being temporarily blinded by the laser sight on a machine gun. George, Haskins and Jane have gone to see him]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Got a fag, George?

Jane:
Smoking in bed is dangerous.

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
*Everything* he does in bed is dangerous!

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
[looking at Jane] Not half as dangerous as what she does!

[Carter is going undercover as a prisoner in Wormwood Scrubs and is working out his cover story]

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
All right, then, what have I been nicked for?

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
[laughing] You're the Fulham Flasher, aren't you?

[Regan has picked up Jenny in a pub. They are now in bed]

Jenny:
Have you got a uniform? You know - policeman's set.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
I'm a detective, love - plain clothes. Is it important?

Jenny:
No, not really.

[pause]

Jenny:
[seductively] I've got a helmet.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Lucky you.

Jenny:
Tomorrow, d'you think we could... you know... while you're wearing it?

[Carter has just discovered that Regan has spent the night with Jenny, who was originally Carter's date]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
[sheepishly] Well say something, George.

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
[indignantly] Like what? "Rank has its privileges", Sir?

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
[apologetically] Look, turn it in, George. I swear to ya, mate, *she* pulled *me*.

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
[sarcastically] Yeah of course she did.

[Carter and Shirley have just made love]

Shirley Glass:
Why are we grinning like a small boy?

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
Is there a law against grinning?

Shirley Glass:
You should know - you're the policeman.

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
Well there isn't. Grinning is strictly legal.

Shirley Glass:
Proved ourself, have we?

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
I don't know what you mean!

Shirley Glass:
I'm surprised you haven't asked me for marks out of ten.

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
You mean content, presentation and star quality?

Shirley Glass:
Don't get smug.

Ernie Millan:
I'm a respectable motor trader now. They've asked me to join the round table.

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
You'd look stupid in armour.

Det. Chief Insp. Frank Haskins:
Who was your informant?

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
Eddie Glass.

Det. Chief Insp. Frank Haskins:
Did Millan... put Glass in the frame, if you'll forgive the pun.

[an armed robbery is taking place in the middle of a wood. Nearby, several Sweeney cars are racing to the scene, but they are lost. They stop to consult a map]

DS Tom Daniels:
Wasn't it "turn left" two miles back, Guv?

Det. Chief Insp. Frank Haskins:
Ask Marco Polo here.

[Vaughton looks at a map]

Vaughton:
We turned here, right? Right!

DS Tom Daniels:
No, we should have turned there. Twit!

Det. Chief Insp. Frank Haskins:
How can we lose a van that...

[a loud bang is heard in the distance]

DS Tom Daniels:
[ironically] We've found it.

[they race back to their cars and screech off into the distance]

[Regan is ordering another round of drinks]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Same again, Guv?

Det. Chief Insp. Frank Haskins:
No, no. I must be off. I've got this cold to nurse.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
[to barmaid] Same again - but no sherry this time.

[Haskins is asking Carter about Shirley Glass]

Det. Chief Insp. Frank Haskins:
Now I don't want to pry but just what is your relationship with this girl?

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
[embarrassed] Well it's... purely heterosexual...

[Haskins gives Carter a wry look]

Det. Chief Insp. Frank Haskins:
Are you planning to see her again?

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
[eagerly] I 'ope so!

[talking about suspects' alibis]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
D'you know where Toerag Smith said he was? "Seeking spiritual guidance"! He was with some hippy slag in Leicester.

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
Lucky Toerag!

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
You'll end up in an oxygen tent!

Stephen Vane:
You try and out-think Vic Labbett and you're gonna end up with a chalk-line round you.

[Daniels walks into the office carrying a package]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
What you got under yer arm?

DS Tom Daniels:
Hairs, Guvnor. What you got under yours?

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Comedian!

[Carter and Stan his driver walk into the office, dejected because they were tailing Mrs Labbett but have lost her]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Oh, here they come - Handsome and Gristle!

[Vic Labbett has escaped. Daniels and his men are standing around aimlessly instead of giving chase]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Where the hell is he?

DS Tom Daniels:
I think he went over there, Guv.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Well what are you doing standing around looking like a motorway breakfast. Get going!

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
[to Carter] I'd have done better with half-a-dozen old-age pensioners!

Sterndale:
Sherry?

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
No thank you, Sir. I'm on duty.

Sterndale:
I seem to remember that you were a whisky drinker.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
A little water, no ice, thank you.

Kay Nolan:
[to Regan, after he tells Kay that he is going to tell Sally about her and Vic] Vic was right. You are a bastard.

Ron Brett:
[to Regan, after a car chase across a muddy airfield] Hope you're bloody insured!

[Sheila Lyon is dancing around, dressed in tight-fitting dress which shows off her fantastic cleavage]

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
[lustfully] Cor! That Sheila has got some lunch on her!

The Reporter:
Mr. Clarke, Mr. Clarke, how do you feel on being acquitted on all four charges?

Derek Clarke:
I mean, you tell me. How would you feel if you won the Oscar, eh?

Det. Chief Supt. Maynon:
How about Jack Regan as a weapon of last resort?

Det. Chief Supt. Maynon:
There's nothing terribly wrong with revenge being harnessed for justice.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
We're the Sweeney, son, and we haven't had any dinner - you've kept us waiting. So unless you want a kicking, you tell us where those photographs are.

[Brooker thinks "Soldier" has grassed to the Sweeney]

Dave Brooker:
When I find out, Soldier, there's gonna be an accident looking for somewhere to happen.

Bernard Driscoll:
Gentlemen, occasionally I do a little favour for Mr Kemble. Track tip, business gossip - that's all.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
What favours have you done him recently?

Bernard Driscoll:
Told you - I owed him money?

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
What for?

Bernard Driscoll:
A motor I bought for my old lady. Already she's scratched it and the dog's spewed up in the back. Why did Adam ever bite that apple?

[to Bernard Driscoll]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
[threateningly] I'm gonna drown you in your own sweat if I find out you're involved!

[Carter is eating a pot of yoghurt. Regan looks on in disgust]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
D'you eat much of that?

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
About three a day.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Yuk.

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
[conspiratorially] Listen, this old Bubble told me it was an aphrodisiac. My wife won't buy it. So I get it delivered secretly - in handy thirty-gallon drums!

[Kemble tries to flee from the scene of the robbery by car. Suddenly Regan appears and points his gun at Kemble's head]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
[menacingly] Switch off! Or they'll collect your head in a pillow-case.

Jenny Peters:
Do all coppers have cold hands?

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Only the randy ones.

Alec Prosser:
What does one nosy little policeman cost these days?

Frank Kemble:
This is the Sweeney, Mr. Prosser. You don't buy them off!

Commander:
[to Haskins] Frank, it's not easy at the sharp end.

[talking about Kemble, and the Kray Twins who were notorious real-life gangsters of the 1960s]

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
He's hard. He's one of the few that The Twins left alone.

Edi Driscoll:
Hey, how's that goldfish?

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Next door's cat got it.

[last lines]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
[to Jenny] I forgot to lock your car.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
[to 'Stupid' Hawes, who won't tell him where the photographs are] I don't like wasting time on rubbish like you son!

Dave Brooker:
[after threatening Jenny with an iron to get information on the man that he and John Merrick are looking for] Oh, the bloody Sweeney, that's all we need, innit?

Finch:
I can't handle a man like Reynes. You can do whatever you like. My job is behind a desk.

Titus Oates:
It's strange, isn't it? So often creatures without backbones have the hardest shells.

[Regan arrives at work looking very rough]

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
[sarcastically] It's nice to see you so fresh and awake, Guvnor.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Someone put something in my drink last night.

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
What?

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Alcohol!

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
Well I'd better get after Tommy Llewellyn, then.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Watch him. He's a weirdo - and he's hard enough to roller-skate on.

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
I'd better get my skates on, then.

[Regan sees Herbie Mew's brand new transistor radio just after Vincent Vaughan has fired his gun at it as a threat]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
[sarcastically] It's not working Herbie. Have these bullet holes got anything to do with it?

[to Brian Cooney after he has pursued a robber's Jag at high speed in a very hair-raising chase]

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
[snarls] Who taught you to drive? Evel Knievel?

[last lines]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
They say if you can't take a joke you shouldn't have joined.

Brian Cooney:
Hang about.

[a man with a briefcase chained to his wrist walks by]

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
That's no blagger, that's Mr Bun with the bread.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Oh, shut up.

[Carter earlier tried to chat up the Commander's secretary. Now he is looking very lustfully at a woman in a cafe]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
If this keeps up, we'll have to take you down to the vet's.

[Tarley and Nairn have just beaten up Castle and Arleen to find out where the jewellery is, but they have left empty-handed]

Steven Castle:
Where's the jewellery?

[Arleen lifts her skirt to reveal a package tucked into her stocking-top]

Steven Castle:
[ironically] Well they seem safe enough.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
The first hairy one I was on - you know, shooters etc - there was a real old sweat. "Weren't you nervous?" somebody asked him afterwards. "Nah!" he says. "Not even a little bit?" "Nah! Funny thing is, though, some bugger peed my pants."

[Regan and Carter have just found DS Hargreaves sobbing in a phone box after he panicked and deserted his colleagues during a shoot-out with Cook and Ames]

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
What happens to him now?

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Chief Medical Officer. If he's lucky, he'll end up helping old ladies across the street.

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
It's a hard world, Guv.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Yeah, but keep it to yourself, George. No-one else wants to know.

[talking about DS Hargreaves]

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
Tall for his height, isn't he?

[Carter is interviewing Eileen Shaw over a drink in the pub where she works. Her drink is a sickly yellow colour]

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
What do you call that?

Eileen Shaw:
It's a snowball.

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
Looks like you could do with some stewed rhubarb in it, or an apple crumble, or something.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
'Ere, George. This jacket. Does it fit?

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
You got a new bird or something?

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Is it all right?

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
Here and there, yeah. How much did you pay for that whistle?

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Forty quid.

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
Forty quid? You know you could have got a new one for that, don't you? No seriously, guv. If you ever want to get rid of it, I'll buy it off you.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Really?

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
Yeah, really.

[pause]

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
My mum's dog needs something to sleep on, you see!

[Jack throws his sandwiches at George]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
You git!

[Regan has just heard that Hargreaves has beaten up Tug Wilson, and is giving him a bollocking for it]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
There's a routine. There's a reason. You *talk* - you don't kick their tripes in!

Det. Sgt. Robert Hargreaves:
They'll laugh at you. It's the toecap they understand.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Oh, you're a right one, you are. You kick the daylights out of some cheapskate petty crook who wouldn't say "boo" to a goose. But when you're on a *real* job - when we *need* you to come out fighting - you lose your bottle!

[after being reprimanded by Haskins for failing to catch Cook and Ames at the caravan site]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Do I write my statement, then get drunk? Or get drunk and then write it?

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
Why not just get drunk.

[talking about Hargreaves]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
The man doesn't swear, he doesn't drink - or when he does drink, it's cider... in halves.

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
He's a cricketer.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Yeah, I was coming to that. And a pound to a penny, he's a God-botherer.

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
Well with his size, you see, his prayers don't have to go far!

Tim Cook:
There's two things I like - really like. One's kicking Micks and the other's thumping birds.

Benny:
Have you ever seen a pocket that deep?

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Only on a Scotsman!

[Jack is telling Haskins that he failed to capture Tim Cook]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
George Carter got stabbed.

Det. Chief Insp. Frank Haskins:
Stabbed?

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
With a fork...

Det. Chief Insp. Frank Haskins:
Anyone eating with it at the time ?

[the Sweeney are about to break into a shop to end a siege. They come to a locked garden gate]

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
[humourously] It's all right, Guv, I've got the key.

[he delivers a hefty kick to the gate and it opens]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Haskins is doing for the Sweeney what the Boston Strangler did for door-to-door salesmen!

[to Carter]

Det. Sgt. Kent:
Jack Regan lives again. Ratman and Bobin - you are getting just like him...

Det. Chief Insp. Frank Haskins:
You were involved in a robbery.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
How else am I expected to get close? Put a small ad in Villains News?

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
I knew a feller, once. He was so mean, when he caught crabs he wouldn't kill 'em - he thought they were money spiders.

[talking about the provincial police]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
We mustn't upset the provincial boys - bunch of ballerinas!

Fran:
I've got a good memory for figures.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
[Eyeing Fran] So do I.

Fran:
What the hell was he after?

Dennis Rawlins:
Maybe he wanted to sniff your sheets.

Harry Poole:
[to Regan] I want to make one thing clear, Sonny Jim. Any problem, any trouble, any agro, and you are O-U-T. Out! And I mean permanently!

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
[Referring to Rawlins] He thinks I.Q.'s Italian for inside le measurement.

Harry Poole:
Fran tells me you're interested in makin' a bit o' money.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Well, who isn't?

Harry Poole:
I mean REAL money.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Is there any other sort?

Fran:
[to Regan] There was always something about you. I can't explain it. Just something not quite right. You never tried to touch me in the lorry. Not as much as put a hand on my knee.

[last lines]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Jack Regan, this is your life.

Harry Poole:
[to Regan] I like you, Tommy. You remind me of me. 15 years earlier.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
[to Haskins] Lay it on me, you always do. Monday's always "Kick Jack Regan" day.

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
We live in a world of supply and demand - and you are in demand.

Moose:
Like a toilet roll.

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
If you say so, Moose

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Did anyone recall Thorpe?

DS Matt Mathews:
From the dogs' home, you mean?

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Yeah, you did put Thorpe onto the kennels, didn't you?

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
Yeah, but you haven't told me to take him off.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Yeah I know I didn't tell you to, but I can't think of everything, can I?

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
Sorry, Guv. I just got so carried away with this caper.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Well what were your last instructions to him?

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
Wait there till he was relieved.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
How long ago was that?

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
[sheepishly] Three days.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
There are some times, George, when I believe you're incapable of looking after a potted plant, let alone personnel.

Gerald Bishop:
If I come back, certain irresponsible men will want to put me in jail.

Stanley Hedges:
Such as who?

Gerald Bishop:
Inspector Regan, for one.

Stanley Hedges:
Oh no. There's nothing he can hit you with.

Gerald Bishop:
Don't underestimate Regan. He can manufacture a case - he's done it before. He's so bent he cannot be straightened.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Tell me. I don't suppose you go out with married men.

Secretary:
Only for money.

[Moose receives instructions on stealing Bishop's dog]

Moose:
How will I know which is Archimedes?

Morgan:
By the spikes on his collar.

Moose:
And how will I calm him down and stop him from barking?

Morgan:
Give him this sweater. It's one of his master's. He loves it.

Moose:
That'll do the trick?

Morgan:
Should do. Take these.

Moose:
What are they?

Morgan:
Tranquillizers.

Moose:
For me?

Morgan:
No! For the dog.

Charlie Norton:
It was the night I got out. I came home...

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
Is that your opening part? "It was the night I got out"?

Charlie Norton:
Isn't that what I said?

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
Yeah, but come on, Charlie. You can do better than that.

DS Matt Mathews:
Where were you the night you came out?

Charlie Norton:
I was on the town, wasn't I? Celebrating. And I came home and there she was in bed, lying there with nothing on but a mink coat. "God," I said, "where did you get that?"

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
All right, Charlie, skip that bit. Tell us what happened on the night of the killing.

Charlie Norton:
I'm leading up to it!

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Yeah, like a 19th-century novellist, three hundred boring pages.

[Regan finds out that Bishop's dog is gone]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Are you telling me it clipped its way through a barbed-wire fence? It's a bleedin' dog, Thorpe! Next, you'll be saying it was all blacked up with a beret on its head.

Det. Chief Insp. Frank Haskins:
I had an electronic surveillance device on test. It's disappeared. Matthews said you took it.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Yeah, that's right, guv. I locked it on the bottom of Moose's Range Rover.

Det. Chief Insp. Frank Haskins:
Oh, all right. Where's the Range Rover now?

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Well that's the point. It's disappeared. Right here.

[Regan points at a spot on a map]

Det. Chief Insp. Frank Haskins:
With my ESD?

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
That's right, guv.

Det. Chief Insp. Frank Haskins:
You lost my ESD? Have you any idea how much those things cost?

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Wait a minute. I haven't lost it, guv'nor. It lost itself. After all, it's supposed to be unlosable. That's the whole point of the machine, isn't it? Gives off these little bleeps so you can tell where it's going.

Det. Chief Insp. Frank Haskins:
It cost a fortune.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Look, we were asked to evaluate it. Well, I just evaluated it. In fact, I can give you my considered verdict: it's useless. We've lost the Moose, and the dog, and the machine.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
[Referring to Bishop] I want him back!

Det. Supt. Pringle:
And how are you going to do that?

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Any way I can!

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
[to Carter] There are some times, George, when I think you're incapable of looking after a potted plant, much less personnel.

[Haskins arrives on the scene. Wands is dead and Monks is cradling him in his arms]

Det. Chief Insp. Frank Haskins:
How did it happen?

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
It happened the minute you gave in to them. If you'd have ordered us to fire when you had the chance, Dowland would still be alive, that girl's face wouldn't be scarred for life, a policeman wouldn't have been smashed up - and more important, the chances of a villain ever taking hostages again would be a lot less than their gonna be now.

[looking at Wands' body]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
This guy Wands was always gonna take a piece of the world with him.

Det. Chief Insp. Frank Haskins:
Well he certainly took out more than he left in.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
He was handed it on a plate. *We* gave him his inch... and he took his mile.

[Regan and Carter have been sitting in the car for ages, staking out Burnham's office. Nothing has happened]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
If we sit here, patiently, sooner or later someone with a naughty mind's going to come along and pay him a visit. When that happens...

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
...We'll be too old to get out of the car!

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Exactly.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Grey saw Burnham, all right.

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
How d'you know that?

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
I was nice to the tea lady.

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
You naughty old policeman!

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
She was a naughty old tea lady!

[Regan is reading a computer manual]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
It says here "The cursor will guide the operator..." What's a cursor?

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
Someone we nick for obscene language.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Hold you lot up to the light - not a brain in sight!

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
I'll never make chief inspector... but I'm still a bloody good DI.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
D'you know where Red is?

Jo:
You never stop, do you?

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Stop?

Jo:
You're like a little clockwork ferret - wind you up, point you in the right direction and off you run.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
I stop when they stop. That's the the name of the game.

[the previous day, when a villain threatened Regan with a broken bottle, Regan froze for a moment. Now he wonders if he is getting too old to do the job]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
I'm overweight - you know that, George?

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
Is this strictly relevant?

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
I drink too much, I smoke too much. Most of the time I sit on my arse, and when I'm not doing that, I'm chasing after some lunatic whose sole intention, given half the chance, is to smash me bloody head in.

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
That is, if you manage to get there on time.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Right.

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
You're not still going on about the other day, are you?

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
It happened, though, didn't it? And d'you know why?

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
[humourously] Your trousers fell down!

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Consequences, George. For one split second I thought of the consequences. For one split second I looked at that bottle in his hand, and I thought "If he uses that and I'm too slow...".

DS Tom Daniels:
You heard about the lift? It won't be working for at least another week.

[as an insult, talking about the lift maintenance man's testicles]

Eve Fisher:
I hope they drop off and roll down a drain!

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
What's wrong, Frank?

Det. Chief Insp. Frank Haskins:
How d'you mean?

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
You. You're falling part.

Det. Chief Insp. Frank Haskins:
Rubbish!

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
It's not rubbish. You're walking through it. Is there something wrong?

Det. Chief Insp. Frank Haskins:
I've got a lot on.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Nah. There's more to it than that.

Det. Chief Insp. Frank Haskins:
Look, I've got a Board coming up. Taylor's been shot. Willoughby's sick. You know how busy we are.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
And...

[long pause]

Det. Chief Insp. Frank Haskins:
[reluctantly] And Doreen's disappeared.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
What? You think she's been abducted?

Det. Chief Insp. Frank Haskins:
No. It's been going on for some time - months.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Well, why didn't you say?

Det. Chief Insp. Frank Haskins:
It's not exactly the sort of thing you go shouting from the rooftops, is it? You know: "Haskins, the one with the dodgy wife".

Det. Insp. Jack Regan:
Well, what are you going to do?

[Haskins shakes his head in desperation and walks off]

[Regan has just shot Parks dead in self-defence after Parks fired first]

Eve Fisher:
[furiously] You bastards! You bloody bastards! You've murdered him, you pigs. He was gonna throw down his gun - I *know* he was. This is *your* fault - right from the off, you pushed him. You force people to do things - things they don't want to do - and you don't care, do you? You're fascists, all of you - fascist pigs. You're not like human beings. You don't care if people get mangled up. You're too ignorant - filth. Pig ignorant filth.

[she lunges at Regan and has to be dragged off him]

[Carter reads a greeting in Turkish to welcome Captain Shebbeq. Shebbeq tells him what it means]

Capt. Shebbeq:
"Happy birthday. May the horse-dung you are about to eat on this trip taste sweet."

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
Is that an old Turkish greeting?

Capt. Shebbeq:
Did you obtain it from the Cultural Officer of the Turkish Embassy?

Det. Sgt. George Carter:
No, a Greek caff down the road.

Regan says to the new guy from Bristol " we should go to the pub, theres a friend Iwant to see. the guy from Bristol says " female ? " regan says " sort of"

Four classic Sweeney quotes:

DCI Frank Haskins:
"Any news on the whisky hijack?

DI Jack Regan:
No, but if a truckload of dry ginger goes missing we'll let you know."

DS Jellyneck:
"Shall I pull up here, sir?"

DI Jack Regan:
No, right outside the pub. Open the door as I get out. Give me a salute and play God Save the Queen."

(A stinging retort from Jack while being driven to the pub where his old girlfriend lives)

Harry Biggleswade (on hearing that Jack has just had his parents' flat searched):
"I bet you left it looking a right mess."

DI Jack Regan:
We left it as we found it. A right mess."

DCI Braithwaite:
The state the Bomb Squad are in, I think they'd appreciate anything."

DI Jack Regan:
"Even a claim for expenses?"

You must've heard Jack's quote when he's yelling at Knowles wrong. I think he said", You couldn't find an Irishman in a Harp club."

Jack and George are waiting for Lynn Hurst to come back from looking after her young daughter - who is poorly.

DS George Carter:
"I don't like this number, guv."

DI Jack Regan:
"Why not?"

DS George Carter:
"I find meself hoping the little kid don't get better."

Jack's Turkish friend Captain Shebbeq is pretending to call for prayers - which a severely hungover Jack does NOT care for.

DI Jack Regan:
Could you please contain your natural desire to imitate your ancestors? If I am to shave this morning, it must be done in complete silence. With concentration."

Jack and George have just brought Jack's friend Eddie Monk home - in a severely drunk condition - which has scuppered George's date with Eddie's daughter Kath.

DS George Carter:
"I wouldn't mind half the money he spent getting in that state, would you?"

DI Jack Regan:
"You're right."

(Kath brings them both a cup of coffee)

Kath (kissing George):
Sorry to spoil our night out."

DS George Carter:
He ain't 'alf gonna have a bonce in the morning."

jack and George are waiting on the rubbish tip for some stolen money to be picked up by two villains called Miles and Ward.

DS George Carter:
"I'm frozen. How are you?"

DI Jack Regan:
"I'm all right."

DS George Carter:
"Don't half pen and ink down here."