The Tall Guy

[Outside her flat]

Kate:
Don't be fooled by the grim exterior. It's a good deal grimmer inside.

Dexter:
All these weeks I've been coming here, I've been wanting to ask you something. What I really want to know is... er, what's your name?

Kate:
Kate... Lemmon. Horrid name!

Dexter:
No, no, not at all. Could have been worse. Could have been called Hitler, Tampon, or something.

Dexter:
God take my testicles and fry them up with bacon!

Dexter:
How was your day?

Kate:
Not great. A nurses's day is always pretty grisly. A woman I was with gave birth to a baby in a lift.

Dexter:
Well, that was okay, er?

Kate:
It would have been, but her husband slipped on the afterbirth and broke his collarbone.

Dexter:
I hope all your children have very small d*cks! And that includes the girls!

Ron Anderson:
You're both sacked. I give you a week's notice.

Dexter:
You can't do that! I demand to talk to the producer.

Ron Anderson:
I am the producer.

Dexter:
In that case, you can do that but I'm not going to give you the satisfaction of sacking me because I resign!

Ron Anderson:
Fine, then you get no severance pay and I sue your arse for breach of contract.

Dexter:
In that case I don't resign, you total and utter bastard!

Ron Anderson:
[slams the door in Dexter's face]

Dexter:
I hope all your children have very small d*cks! And that includes the girls!

Dexter:
Please? Just dinner? Let me explain: I was a complete, total, utter idiot! I have learned my lesson completely, totally, utterly!

Kate:
Just dinner?

Dexter:
Promise!

Kate:
What? No sex at the end?

Dexter:
Well, maybe - sex? Yes! Alright, if you insist!

Kate:
Are you going to walk me home? Or should I just get murdered on my own?

Mary:
Well, the only other thing at the moment is a new musical that the RSC are doing.

Dexter:
Er, what's it about?

Mary:
The Elephant Man.

Dexter:
A musical of the Elephant Man? What's it called?

Mary:
"Elephant", I think - with an exclamation mark presumably.

Dexter:
Pity the poor bastard who has to play the elephant.

Mary:
Remember dearest, everyone thought Jesus Christ Superstar was a stupid idea.

Dexter:
Jesus Christ Superstar WAS a stupid idea.

Mary:
True.

Ron Anderson:
Listen, Dexter, is there something troubling you? Something that you would like to talk to someone about?

Dexter:
Well, yes, as a matter of fact there is...

Ron Anderson:
Then for f***'s sake talk to someone about it, will you? And sort it out before I sack you and hire a lobotomized monkey to play your role. Okay?

Ron Anderson:
Sorry I'm so late. Had some rather special guests at my show tonight. Difficult to tell the heir to the throne to bugger off because you've got a party to go to.

Ron Anderson:
[to Cyprus Charlie] How dare you improvise, you diminutive Mediterranean moron!

Ron Anderson:
What in the name of Judas Iscariot's bumboy is going on?

Ron Anderson:
[as he is being tied up by Dexter] What the hell is going on?

Dexter:
I'll tell you what's going on - first you waste four years of my life! And then you take the only thing I ever really cared about!

Ron Anderson:
Your bicycle?

Dexter:
Vengeance shall be mine!

Ron Anderson:
If you ever do anything funny in my show again, you're out. F-U-C-K-E-D, out!

[Dexter is visiting Kate in her flat]

Kate:
Sorry about last night, I was very tired.

[pause]

Kate:
I'm less tired now, though...

Dexter:
I'm not tired either.

Kate:
Great! Two people... on their own... in the middle of the afternoon... and not tired!

[pause]

Dexter:
Ideal circumstances for Scrabble.

Tamara:
I'm not wearing any underwear.

Dexter:
Is that, uh... is that... wise?

Tamara:
Screw wisdom! Who wants to be wise?

Dexter:
The Dalai Lama, to name but one.

Ron Anderson:
Face it, King, you're worthless and weak and the chances of you getting a girlfriend without the aid of a virus which wiped out the entire male population of the planet are frankly pretty remote.

Cyprus Charlie:
[Charlie has fallen in love with Carmen] She is like a hungry leopard in full bloom!

Prostitute:
Care for a f***, big boy?

Dexter:
No thanks, just had one.

Kate:
[leaving Dexter] You paused after mentioning her name, to see if I reacted.

Dexter:
That was your only clue?