The Three Musketeers

Porthos:
[Of his new golden baldric] It's gold belting all the way 'round!

Aramis:
Astonishing! There is enough gold in France to stretch all that distance?

Musketeer:
May I lift the costly cloak to admire the belt more?

Porthos:
[hastily] No, no, sir, your pardon, sir -- I have a cold.

Aramis:
Discretion being the better part of vanity!

Porthos:
I don't understand! I know the one about valor, but I don't agree. I can't agree to be discreet about how valiant I am. Shouldn't be asked.

[Athos is having his shoulder wound treated]

Doctor:
It's a very clean sword-thrust. A souvenir of the Cardinal's Guard, eh, M. Athos?

Athos:
You're a liar. It's the smallpox.

Doctor:
One sees that immediately...

Athos:
Don't pretend you know one from the other -- or that it would make any difference to your treatment if you did!

Porthos:
Are you fighting this, ah, fellow? But I'm fighting him myself!

D'artagnan:
But not 'til one o'clock!

Aramis:
Oh, no, no, no, I'm fighting him this afternoon!

D'artagnan:
At two o'clock, sir!

Athos:
How long have you been in Paris?

D'artagnan:
Since eight o'clock this morning.

Athos:
You waste little time, sir!

D'artagnan:
My father recommended I fight duels.

Athos:
[laughs] Well, let us hope you can do him some credit!

[Our heroes have been surprised by the Cardinal's Guard about to begin a duel]

Jussac:
Ah! Musketeers! Dueling in defiance of the Edicts!

Athos:
This is a private matter, sir, will you please be on your way?

Jussac:
We have a duty to suppress disorder and arrest brawlers: put up your swords and come along with us, eh?

Athos:
Impossible!

Porthos:
Unthinkable!

Aramis:
Unlikely...

Jussac:
Then, we must charge you!

[The Cardinal's Guardsmen all draw]

Aramis:
There are six of them, and we are only three!

D'artagnan:
[impulsively] No, four!

Porthos:
You're not one of us!

Athos:
This is not your affair, boy.

D'artagnan:
I may not have the tunic, but I have the heart of a Musketeer!

Jussac:
Young man, you may retire -- save your skin, and quickly!

[D'artagnan shakes his head]

Aramis:
What's your name, young man?

D'artagnan:
D'artagnan.

Aramis:
Very well. Athos, Porthos, Aramis and D'artagnan -- Swords!

[Portos' lovely hat has been sliced in half in fighting the Cardinal's Guard]

Porthos:
God's blood!! Look at that...! Ruined by you and your, your street-corner ruffians! By God, you'll pay for it! [Rifles the purse of a fallen Guardsman] Ten pistoles it cost me! :[Reconsiders on seeing the contents of the purse] No— twenty! Twenty pistoles! And twenty more, as a fine to teach you manners! Hah! Jussac!

Jussac:
Thief!

Porthos:
What!

Aramis:
There, there! Charity is one of the cardinal virtues!

Richelieu:
Do you know your accuser? Who brought you here?

M. Bonacieux:
[pointing at Rochefort] That! That is the man!

Richelieu:
Take him away!

M. Bonacieux:
That is not the man! It was another man altogether!!!

Richelieu:
If I had blundered as you do, my head would fall.

Rochefort:
I would say, from a greater height than mine, Your Eminence.

Beggar:
Money for a blind man...mo --oof! [Constance has blundered into him] Watch where you're goin', darlin'...all right, dear. [D'artangan passes by] Money for a cripple...money for a cripple...money for a cripple... [D'artagnan is gone and Planchet follows] Money for a cripple? Money for a cripple??

Planchet:
Me? Not your day, is it?

Beggar:
Money for an orphan???

Porthos:
[On riding with D'artagnan to recover the Queen's diamonds] May one ask -- delicately -- the cause in which we're expected to die?

Aramis:
When you go on a campaign, does the King give his reasons? He says, "Porthos, fight!" and you fight.

Porthos:
Oh, I do, I do!

Aramis:
Then let's go and be killed where we're told to! Is life worth so many questions?

[D'artagnan has relieved Rochefort of his pass to England]

Sea Captain:
But this pass is only for one person.

D'artagnan:
I am only one person. [Indicating Planchet] This is a servant!

Sea Captain:
I see. All right.

Buckingham:
[showing the diamond studs] O'Reilly -- put a price on these: each one, their worth.

O'Reilly:
Oh, umm...not English. Not English, no. I'd say...ah...five hundred pounds.

Buckingham:
How long to make two of them?

O'Reilly:
Oh, ah, um, oooh...a week?

Buckingham:
I'll pay you five thousand pounds each if they're finished the day after tomorrow!

O'Reilly:
Done!

Milady:
Your Eminence is a great player -- great enough to lose. I do not like to lose.

Richelieu:
You must suit yourself, Milady. But if, at the end, you should -- do it with a becoming grace.

D'Artagnan:
Forgive me, madam, but I must kill your friend.

D'Artagnan:
[after having been challenged to duels by Athos, Porthos and Aramis] If I'm going to be killed, at least it will be by a musketeer!

D'Artagnan:
I've never washed the legs of a woman—but I have done a horse. With a horse, you...start at the top.

D'Artagnan:
A gallop, a skirmish, a thrust or two, what would you? It's a day's work!

Athos:
You'll find, young man, the future looks rosier through the bottom of a glass.

Athos:
Let me tell you something about this...inconvenient gentleman of yours. His name is Rochefort. He's the Cardinal's living blade, and he is deadly. And, as for this Rochefort, if you see him walking on the other side of the road one day, don't bother to cross it, that's all.

Athos:
[Of Porthos' and Aramis' tennis-playing skills] I'd rather wager on a Huguenot for the Papacy than gamble on you two!

Rochefort:
[to d'Artagnan] If you were a gentleman, I would speak to you. I was speaking at you.

Buckingham:
If anyone should try to follow us, would you be so good as to kill him? Thank you.

M. Bonancieux:
Well, I don't want to be sent to the Bastille, me, because it's got very deep dungeons and terrible instruments of torture, operated by very unsympathetic men! And they snip very important parts off people!

Partygoer:
[Of the wine fountain at the King's soirée] Keep going, Reggie, it's filling up!

Cardinal's Guard:
[D'Artagnan has just torn a carpet in an attempt to trip the guards] He's torn our carpet!