The Westerner

Judge Roy W. Bean:
Don't spill none of that liquor, son. It eats right into the bar.

Judge Roy W. Bean:
Shad Wilkins, you've been tried and found guilty of the most serious crime west of the Pecos, to wit: shooting a steer. Do you got anything to say for yourself before the sentence of the court is executed?

Shad Wilkins:
I told you they shot at me first. I didn't mean to kill that steer on purpose. I was aiming at the man.

Judge Roy W. Bean:
It's your bad luck you missed him. That's the trouble with you sodbusters... you can't shoot straight. Shad, may the Lord have mercy on your soul.

Judge Roy W. Bean:
I haven't worn this uniform since Chickamaugie, but it still fits right smart.

Judge Roy W. Bean:
Mr. Harden, it's my duty to inform you that the larceny of an equine is a capital offense punishable by death, but you can rest assured that in this court, a horse thief always gets a fair trial before he's hung.

The Stranger:
Have you met Miss Langtry?

Judge Roy W. Bean:
No, I never met her. I never met the sun, I never shook hands with the moon, and I've never been introduced to no clouds.

Cole Harden:
[to Bean] When I was a kid, I had a pet rattlesnake. I was fond of it, but I wouldn't turn my back on it.

Judge Roy W. Bean:
Are you an attorney, Miss?

Jane Ellen Mathews:
I'm as much an attorney as you are a judge!

Wade Harper:
We're goin' back to build our fences.

Judge Roy W. Bean:
If you do, you better build coffins with them. Now git!

Cole Harden:
You get warrants in Fort Davis, don't you?

Judge Roy W. Bean:
Yes, that's where they get 'em, but they don't know how to spell my name. It's been tried before.

Cole Harden:
I'll get one. This time you'll get what's comin' to you, Judge.

Jane Ellen Mathews:
You live in a house, don't you?

Cole Harden:
No. No, my house is all out there. One room, with a sky for a roof.

[repeated line]

Judge Roy W. Bean:
By gobs!

Cole Harden:
Don't make a move, Judge. I'm comin down to get ya.

Judge Roy W. Bean:
Come a-shootin.