The World According to Garp

[noticing scantily clad prostitutes]

Jenny Fields:
Is that the latest fashion?

T. S. Garp:
No, Mom, that's the oldest profession.

Roberta:
I mean, I had mine removed surgically under general anesthesia. But to have it bitten off in a Buick...

Jenny Fields:
It's lust!

T. S. Garp:
[after being told he shouldn't go to his Mom's feminist memorial] I will grieve alone for the rest of my life, but right now I want to be around people who loved her.

T. S. Garp:
[to his mother Jenny] I never needed a father.

T. S. Garp:
We'll take the house. Honey, the chances of another plane hitting this house are astronomical. It's been pre-disastered. We're going to be safe here."

Walt:
Daddy what's gradual school?

T. S. Garp:
What?

Walt:
Gradual school. Mommy say's she teaches at gradual school.

T. S. Garp:
Oh Gradual school is where you go to school and you gradually find out you don't want to go to school anymore.

[last lines]

T. S. Garp:
Remember, Helen.

Helen Holm:
What, my love?

T. S. Garp:
Everything.

Helen Holm:
Yes, my love.

Roberta:
[telling Garp he cannot go to his mother's feminist memorial] They're not going to allow any men. A man *killed* her! They're very *upset*!

Jenny Fields:
You know, everybody dies. My parents died. Your father died. Everybody dies. I'm going to die too. So will you. The thing is, to have a life before we die. It can be a real adventure having a life.

[while telling Dean Bodger and her son about his father, who was a brain damaged WW2 veteran with spontaneous erections she was the nurse of]

Jenny Fields:
Where was I?

T. S. Garp:
He kept having erections.

Jenny Fields:
Thank you. He was dying. I wanted a child. It was a good way to have one without the bother of a husband around... who had legal rights to my body. So, one night at work... when the wounded and maimed were all asleep, I went to him. He was asleep. But his erection was there, as always. I removed my undergarments and climbed on top of him. He woke up then. He said the only word other than his name that I ever heard him utter. He said, "good." It didn't take very long, and that once was all that was needed.

Dean Bodger:
You raped him! You raped a dying man!

Mrs. Fields:
[first lines] Garp? Garp?

Jenny Fields:
Yes, Garp.

Mr. Fields:
Garp. Garp?

T. S. Garp:
[to his infant son in baby carriage] Don't be a baby, Duncan! Say da-da! [Duncan blows raspberry at Garp]

T. S. Garp:
Men die young in my family, Helen!

Randy - Dog's Head Mansion:
[to Roberta] Hey you! Dildo. Is this the nut house where you're keeping my Laurel?

Roberta:
Laurel's here but we're not exactly keeping her.

Randy - Dog's Head Mansion:
Bullshit, ya big dyke.

Roberta:
I'm not a dyke. Is Laurel expecting you?

Randy - Dog's Head Mansion:
I'll kill you douchebag.

Roberta:
That's all you men understand is violence.

Randy - Dog's Head Mansion:
Now look. I know what sort of freaks hang around here. It's a big lesbian scene. [Garp walks on to porch] Ooooh, oooh, what are you the man of the house or the court eunuch. Laurel, you in there you b*tch!

Jenny Fields:
Hello.

Randy - Dog's Head Mansion:
Oh, I know who you are. My Laurel's not your type sweetie.

Jenny Fields:
Perhaps she's not your type either.

Randy - Dog's Head Mansion:
Listen, goddammit. If you don't get Laurel's ass out here I'm gonna... [Randy is knocked down by Roberta]

Laurel - Dog's Head Mansion:
Randy!

Jenny Fields:
Are you alright?

Laurel - Dog's Head Mansion:
Baby, you found me.

Randy - Dog's Head Mansion:
Oh, I don't think I can drive the f***in' car.

Laurel - Dog's Head Mansion:
That's alright. I can drive you just never let me. [to Jenny] I guess Randy needs me.

Randy - Dog's Head Mansion:
Easy! [In pain as Laurel helps him to the car]

Laurel - Dog's Head Mansion:
Sorry baby, I'm sorry.

Randy - Dog's Head Mansion:
Crazy dyke blind-sided me.

Jenny Fields:
Are you gonna go to sleep or you gonna stay up and think your weird thoughts?

Young Garp:
I'll stay up and think weird thoughts for a while.