Tomb Raider III: Adventures of Lara Croft

Lara Croft:
I'm not interrupting, am I?

General:
Not bleedin' are ya? Not about to use this place as a dunny?

Lara Croft:
Uh, no and no.

Dr. Willard:
I don't want to be misrepresented by that retarded researcher you've just been with... er...?

Lara Croft:
Lara.

Dr. Willard:
I'm Dr. Willard. I'd come to converse with Tony myself, but I saw you were doing a rather more creditable job, I think. Indeed, I'm inspired. I'd like to offer you other work.

Lara Croft:
What? Shoot the breeze with some of your other boys? No thanks!

Tribesman:
Is well for you, me fasting this day. You make plenty good flesh pot!

Lara Croft:
You forget, I might be quite hungry myself, famished, actually!

Tribesman:
Mmm. [smacks his lips] He lucky fella that kill you, a plenty Mary like you!

Lara Croft:
I'd be sure to point that out to him.

Geordie Bob:
So... you must be after Miss Leigh, then?

Lara Croft:
Business, not pleasure.

Geordie Bob:
Though obviously not for revenge, man. You've hardly got the face for that!

Lara Croft:
And... you have?

Geordie Bob:
Huh! How moronic a question is that, eh? [slams his staff on the ground] I don't even have a face, man!

Lara Croft:
You mean Sophia's testing some sort of immortality power? Along with her own brand of face-lift...

Geordie Bob:
Why aye, man! "Everlasting beauty?" She's obviously not fully worked it oot, yet, but she takes the best results for herself. See, I don't care what your business with her is, you can't be any more shiftless than what she is! So I'm gonna go out of me way to help you, that is, after you've done somethin' for us here, like.

Lara Croft:
Very generous of you. What do you want?

Geordie Bob:
A bottle of that mummy preservation stuff, from the Natural History Museum.

Lara Croft:
Embalming fluid?

Geordie Bob:
Aye! For rotten flesh you canny whack it, man! The museum's pretty interestin', I'm told, you'll like it.

Lara Croft:
So why don't you go yourself?

Geordie Bob:
One of them Egyptian lassies' there's a bit pissed of, like, but, eh... she didn't get immortality the way she wanted it. And seeing as we've done better than her in that department, I didn't care to imagine what curse we could get given, any worse than we've got already, like. You'll be fine, though, pet, you'll die easily.

Lara Croft:
Thanks!

Dr. Willard:
This is not just about avidly spawning mutants! It's an entirely natural acceleration of evolution! A real live laboratory of spurred-on life!

Lara Croft:
Not everyone here wants to be guinnea pigs. Multi-appendaged or not!

Dr. Willard:
Well, that's unfortunate. It's been hit and miss here for too long. Now the timing's spot on, I can't leave it. The Polynesians fled in their ignorance, Darwin's half-wit sailors the same, ironically making Darwin himself miss this angle on evolution. But now, I'm here. I have the access, the knowledge, the artifacts.

Lara Croft:
Yes... but you bumped into me in India and sent me to find them for you, bringing me here. Listen to this gibberish! Your perception of good timing is... bad!

Sophia Leigh:
Ah, Miss Croft! I take it you're ready to sign on?

Lara Croft:
To what?

Sophia Leigh:
Well, my books. You see, with your lifestyle, you'd be the perfect campaign for my products. Just think, you wouldn't be needing those unsightly weapons anymore.

Lara Croft:
No... but I'll probably have an unsightly face, judging by your past experiments!

Sophia Leigh:
My what?

Lara Croft:
Oh yes, they're all still alive, very much so, in fact. All I want is the artifact.

[Lara approaches Sofia's desk and reaches out for the artifact, but Sophia snatches it away from her]

Sophia Leigh:
[laughs] Right! In your next life!

Lara Croft:
[Draws her pistols as Sophia runs out of her office] We'll see...

Dr. Willard:
Oh, aye, come in, make yourself at home. I won't be a minute.

Lara Croft:
At home? I've just met a man who may as well have been Brundlefly!

Lara Croft:
Hello? Hello?

Tony:
What? What do you want from me now?

Lara Croft:
Nothing that taxing, are you all right?

Tony:
Well, If you'd all stop, I might be just fine. Just a hundred percent, just... [yells and grabs his head]

Lara Croft:
If you'd all stop? Who are you talking about?

Tony:
All you! Hundreds of you! Talking and chattering and breaking my brain up!

Lara Croft:
Well I'm not quite sure where you're coming from, but I just want to know about the Infada artifact, in the temple up there.

Tony:
Voodoo magic and all, huh? I don't touch the stuff myself.

Lara Croft:
It's not voodoo. Look, is there anyone else here with you?

Tony:
Yeah... Randy and Rory.

Lara Croft:
Randy and Rory? Where? What are you all doing here?

Tony:
Well... they're staying put... in that temple. I told them not to, warned them first. Not doing much now I doubt, under half a ton of mudslide. Me? I'm leaving. Next bus out. This jungle's rooted enough rot into me. I'd offer the same advice to you, but you don't seem like the type to take it... to care if I said you were gonna die in there. [laughs] Yeah... die...

Lara Croft:
Now it's time for our third adventure.