Torin's Passage

[Torin gives berries to Herman the guard]

Torin:
Here you are, Herman. I brought you some berries.

Herman:
Great! Now squeeze 'em.

Torin:
What? Oh, all right. Uh, where's the juicer?

Herman:
I told you. Over there. On the cabinet.

[Torin approaches the cabinet, takes the juicer and squeezes the berries]

Torin:
Boogle, can you be an ax?

[Boogle changes shape into a guitar. Torin takes the guitar/Boogle and plays "Johnny B. Goode". Boogle changes back to his original form]

Torin:
Whew! Here ya go. Say, uh, what kind of berries are those?

Herman:
Why, CHUCK berries, of course!

[drum fill]

[as Torin is about to enter the Bitternuts' house, the show begins]

Radio Announcer:
Live... on CD-ROM... from beautiful cliffside Escarpa... it's "The Bitternuts"! With Jack Kluckman as Mr. Bitternut...

[phony canned applause]

Radio Announcer:
...and starring Sandra Bullhockey as Mrs. Bitternut...

[phony canned applause]

Radio Announcer:
...with Vinyl MacCaulking as little Bobby Bitternut.

[phony sereams & canned applause]

Radio Announcer:
[after the opening theme] Tonight we join "The Bitternuts" just as they hear a knock on their door...

[knock knock knock]

Mrs. Bitternut:
Just a minute... Harley, can you get that? Oh, never mind. Do I have to do everything around here? Coming!

[Mrs. Bitternut opens the door. Torin is standing outside]

Mrs. Bitternut:
Yeow! Aren't you the giant, economy-sized visitor?

[phony laugh track]

Mrs. Bitternut:
You know, I'd ask you in, but I'm not sure there's enough air in here!

[phony laugh track]

Mrs. Bitternut:
Harley? Take a look at this guy! This is what a REAL man looks like!

[phony laugh track]

Mrs. Bitternut:
Harley? Oh, honey, don't mind him! He's just acting his IQ!

[phony laugh track]

Mrs. Bitternut:
So, do you want to come in? Or maybe that should be, "CAN" you come in?

[phony laugh track]

Torin:
[enters] Why, thank you. I will.

[phony laugh track]

[Bobby Bitternut appears]

Bobby Bitternut:
Hey Mom, I...

[phony canned applause]

Bobby Bitternut:
Hey Mom, I... Whoa!

[Bobby notices Torin]

Bobby Bitternut:
Who's the big guy?

[phony laugh track]

Mrs. Bitternut:
We don't know, honey.

[small fake chuckle]

[Torin enters the Bitternuts' house. He addresses Mr. Bitternut]

Torin:
How do you do, sir? My name is Torin.

[Mr. Bitternut does not bother to answer]

Mrs. Bitternut:
Leave him alone. He ain't spoke to nobody in years!

[small fake chuckle]

Torin:
Yes. I can see why.

[phony laugh track]