Trophy Wife

Bert Harrison:
I could have been outside playing and running, but instead I was inside reading and eating. And it was all worth it!

[first lines]

Pete Harrison:
Larry, you think you got enough ketchup on that corn?

Bert Harrison:
No, I think I can still see some yellow.

Bert Harrison:
I *love* licking this hole.

Kate Harrison:
Just chill out. It's gonna happen.

Warren Harrison:
It's *not* gonna happen. I told you not to touch it.

Kate Harrison:
Trust me. I have way more experience than you.

Warren Harrison:
[phone text alert sounds] Oh, wow!

Kate Harrison:
What is it?

Warren Harrison:
Mom just said she got a good night kiss from Hillary and now she's sending me one. Check it. [holds up the phone] She wrote X-X-X, three kisses from Mom. It's like I'm getting kisses everywhere, tonight. Ally, my mom...

Pete Harrison:
Your grandmother's coming this weekend. I'll warn her.

Warren Harrison:
[laughs] Don't hate the player, guys.

Kate Harrison:
So, um, where are we at with the sexting?

Warren Harrison:
Oh, no. No. No. It's pronounced *text*ing.

Kate Harrison:
Did she write back?

Warren Harrison:
She did. She said, "My brain is fried. Want to study together?" I think I'm just going to reply, "No", cause I usually do all my studying on the bus.

Kate Harrison:
Warren, she's basically asking you for a date.

Warren Harrison:
[stammers] A date?

Kate Harrison:
Yeah!

Warren Harrison:
So I'll reply, "Come to my house, right now so we can start dating. My address is one, two, two..."

Kate Harrison:
No. No. No. No. No. Okay, listen, this is what you do. You text, "My brain is fried, too. Come by T-M-R-W and we'll kick some math ass". With dollar signs for the esses.

Jackie Harrison:
Hey, my big boy, whaddaya say? What are you going to do with all the money you get from the tooth fairy?

Bert Harrison:
Ask me when the market opens.