Vamp

Vic:
Builder of major erections, our construction engineer... Hard Hatted Hannah

AJ:
This isn't a frat house, it's a halfway house for morons!

Duncan:
You know, I mostly get your basic dorks around here. They seem to gravitate towards me... I don't know why!

AJ:
Snow! I'm AJ. Come on, all this over three lousy teeth?

Duncan:
I'm in the mood for love, simply because they're naked.

Allison:
I'm Amaretto, not really, and I will be your waitress for this evening guys. So what can I get for you?

Duncan:
I would like a slow, comfortable, screw.

Vic:
Gentlemen, I give you... Katrina!

Allison:
Aren't we jumpy tonight!

Vic:
You screwed up, you're sushi baby.

Keith:
Testy! You wanna know why I'm testy? I'll tell you why I'm testy. Today I was nearly hung, I got into a fight with a psychotic albino, I met a human pin cushion in the bathroom, I ate a cockroach, my best friend disappears and then I'm nearly assassinated by a runaway elevator! I'VE HAD A BAD DAY!

Snow:
We've been looking for ya!

Duncan:
Say, babe, what time do you get off?

Waitress:
2.30

Duncan:
Can I watch?

Keith:
All this for a f***ing fraternity.

AJ:
I love you, Keith. But all I can see right now is food... And I'm starving! You carry my next meal around with you in your veins!

Keith:
Make sure I don't come back like you, OK?

AJ:
Hey, you think I like this? Or them? They're boring creeps! They don't call them walking dead for nothing! Try talking to one of them sometime.

Keith:
I am.

Vic:
Don't forget our single man's special, all you can drink for a dollar. Come along, you drink yourselves into another world!

Keith:
You don't think you're gonna get away with this, do you?

Vic:
Of course! Do you know how many people disappear off the face of the earth every year? Not thousands, tens of thousands! You're a statistic, kid.

Keith:
Why us? Why'd you pick on us?

Vic:
It was a mistake, OK? There was a little error there, a little communication error... I'm sorry.

Keith:
We'll be missed, they're gonna come looking for us.

Vic:
Who will? Who'd you tell that you were coming here? Nobody tells anybody when they come to a joint like this! Quite a racket, huh? See, I run an essential service here... Waste disposal. Oh yeah! Look around, look who comes here. The sickies, the degenerates, the forlorn, the lowlifes, the f***ing dregs of humanity wind up here and we take care of them. It costs you nothing.

Keith:
Yeah, just my best friend.

Vic:
Hey, nobody's perfect! I do the best I can with what I got.

Allison:
Look, no fangs! Come on.

Snow:
[confronted by vampires] What gang is this?

Keith:
This has been one wacky night!