VeggieTales

Assistant:
It can't be done. I don't think you can do it.

Scientist:
Well then, stand back and behold as I throw this switch! It's alive! Alive! (laughs in an evil manner) Stand!

Assistant:
Oh my goodness! Look how big it is!

Scientist:
Speak!

Frankencelery:
(moans)

Junior Asparagus:
Ah! Who are you?

Bob the Tomato:
I'm Bob. I'm a tomato, and I'm here to help.

(Junior's toy chest starts rattling)

Junior:
There's something in my toy chest! It's a- It's a- (Larry pops out with a bonnet on his head) ... baby pickle?

Bob:
It's a cucumber.

Bob the Tomato:
Look up at that window. What do you see?

Junior Asparagus:
My curtains.

Bob:
No! Out the window, up in the sky.

Junior:
I see lots of stars.

Larry the Cucumber:
God made all those stars out of nothing, he just went, (razzes), and there they were.

(The wisemen (The Scallions) have thrown Daniel, portrayed by Larry, into the lions' den)

Scallion #2:
Hey, Daniel! We know you're gonna have fun down there! We're not "lion"!

Scallion #3:
Uh, yeah, you better be "lion" down, because those lions are gonna... lie... on you!

Scallion #2:
(to Scallion #3) Mine was funny, yours was... goofy. Lions are gonna lie on him? They're gonna EAT him! They're not gonna LIE on him!

Scallion #3:
Well, maybe they'll lie on him first, and then eat him... or maybe one will lie on him while the others eat him... or maybe they'll take turns between lying and eating-

Scallion #2:
Yeah, you think the lions are gonna cooperate and say "Hey, I'll eat him, you lie on him"? Come on, we're the ones who are lyin', not the lions. (seals the den up)

Daniel (Larry):
(singing) Oh no, what am I gonna do? It looks like I'm gonna end up as lion stew!

Bob the Tomato:
God made you special, and He loves you very much. (closing line of most episodes)

(Bob and Larry begin to tell the tale of "Larry's Lagoon")

Bob the Tomato (voice-over):
I remember that day, that fateful trip.

Larry the Cucumber (voice-over):
Why, yes. It started from that tropic port, aboard our tiny ship.

Bob (voice-over):
Now Larry, he was a mighty sailin' man.

Larry (voice-over):
And Bob, he was brave and sure.

Bob (voice-over):
And weren't there five passengers booked that day, on our three-hour tour?

Larry (voice-over):
Ah, yes... our three-hour tour.

Bob (voice-over):
There was the Professor.

Larry (voice-over):
And we were there.

Bob (voice-over):
Of course. And the millionaire.

Larry (voice-over):
And his wife.

Bob (voice-over):
Yep. And wasn't there a movie star and that other girl?

Larry (voice-over):
Yeah, but they cancelled.

(First-mate Larry is now at the wheel of the boat)

Larry (voice-over):
Oh, boy. This is the life. There's nothing I'd rather be than First-mate Larry. Well, nothing, that is, except... (with a bad Russian accent) Captain Larry Romanoff, the famous Russian icebreaker pilot. Today, Captain Larry must free whales. Two great whales trapped in ice. But, there is problem! A large iceberg stands between Captain Larry and whales. There may not be enough time to go around it! But surely, even Captain Larry is not brave enough to smash through the iceberg! NO ONE HAS EVER DONE SUCH A THING!! (Captain Larry sets the boat to maximum speed and steers toward the huge iceberg) Yes, this is no time for cowards! Captain Larry will smash the iceberg, and free the whales! (Commander Boblov arrives) Ah, Commander Boblov has come to congratulate Captain Larry for his bravery.

(First-mate Larry's daydream ends, and Commander Boblov changes back to Skipper Bob)

Bob:
Hey, Larry. We're making snow cones back there. Do you want peach or strawberry?

Larry:
Um, not now, Bob. First, I have to smash through this iceberg and free some whales.

Bob:
(incredulously) There are no icebergs around here.

Larry:
Well then, what do you call that?

(The boat is racing directly towards a large rock. Skipper Bob and First-mate Larry both scream in horror simultaneously as the boat crashes on the rock, flinging Skipper Bob, First-mate Larry and the passengers onto the beach of a tropical island)

Lovey Asparagus:
Oh, the brochure didn't say anything about layovers.

Archibald Asparagus:
Well, you see, Lovey, I believe we had some sort of an accident. Skipper?

Bob:
Yes, we most certainly had an accident, (angrily turns to Larry) and I think SOMEONE has some explaining to do!

Larry:
Well, you see, there were these whales, and they were stuck on the ice, and the only way to get 'em out was to smash that iceberg over there, except it turned out to be a rock, and rocks are a lot harder than icebergs.

Dad Asparagus:
It just so happens that the nearest iceberg is 2,640 miles away! What were you thinking?

Bob:
You smashed our boat! Now what're we gonna do?!

Lovey:
You've ruined our vacation! What do you have to say for yourself?

Larry:
Um... I'm sorry? (brightly) At least the boat's still floating. (The boat sinks immediately and Larry frowns guiltily) Oh.

Archibald:
I need to call my broker. I'm going to look for a phone.

(Scene cuts to night time)

Bob:
(narrating) That evening we all worked together to build some huts to sleep in but we were still pretty mad at Larry

(Bob and Larry beam into Junior's bedroom via spaceship)

Junior Asparagus:
Ah. Who are you?

Bob the Tomato:
I'm Bob. I'm a tomato, and I need your help!

Junior:
Whoa deja vu! (Looks at Larry) What's he got on his space helmet?

Bob:
Huh? What do ya mean? Larry! (What?) How many times have I told you not to eat while wearing your helmet?

Larry:
Oh sorry

Grandpa George:
Heh! The Nezzer Chocolate Bunny! Everyday, they make 14,638 of these li'l fellers, give or take a few. Oh yeah, Mr. Nezzer! Nebby K. Nezzer. But you better call him Mr. Nezzer. Now, Mr. Nezzer's not a bad man, he just gets confused sometimes. Why, his chocolate bunnies are sellin' so well, I think he's gotten a little big for his britches. And that's saying something, so his britches'll break out to start out with. What's all that have to do with Rack, Shack & Benny? Well, their troubles started when Mr. Nezzer made a little announcement.

(A bell with a similar sound to a school bell rings, and a TV monitor lowers from the ceiling. Mr. Nezzer appears on the screen)

Mr. Nezzer:
Attention, little people! I have an announcement! This morning, the Nezzer Chocolate Factory has shipped its two-millionth chocolate bunny! To celebrate this momentous occasion, for the next 30 minutes, everyone may eat as many bunnies they want! Bon appétit!

Mr. Lunt:
(operating the TV camera) Hey, boss, that's awfully nice of you to give away all those bunnies.

Mr. Nezzer:
Oh, if I could just see the looks on their faces right now. (takes a rest)

Tigger:
Thank you Mr Nezzer for your lovely gift of chocolate

Larry :
Yeah thanks!

Mr. Nezzer:
Everybody else is lying down, but you three are standing up.

Mr. Lunt:
Actually, boss, I think the tomato is sitting.

Rack (Bob the Tomato):
I'm standing.

Mr. Lunt:
Sitting!

Rack:
Look this is sitting and this is standing. I'm standing.

Mr. Lunt:
Okay, he's standing.

Mr. Nezzer:
What're your names, boys?

Rack:
I'm Shadrach.

Shack (Junior Asparagus) I'm Meshach.

Benny (Larry the Cucumber):
I'm Abumblebee... Abennyboo... I'm Benny

Nezzer:
We can use boys who know how to stand up here at Nezzer Chocolate. How would you like to be Junior Executives?

Larry:
What does that mean?

Lunt:
It means you have to wear a tie

Tigger:
Sure that'd be great!

Nezzer:
Alrighty! Mr Lunt get them their ties (Right away boss) Boys I wanna see you in my office 1st thing in the morning (Yes sir)

(Having finished demonstrating "The Bunny Song", Mr. Nezzer looks to the boys for feedback)

Mr. Nezzer:
Well? What do you think?

Rack:
Um... what would happen, let's say, if someone didn't quite agree with everything in that song, so they, um... didn't sing it? What would happen?

Mr. Nezzer:
What's that over there?

Shack:
That's the furnace.

Mr. Nezzer:
What's it for?

Benny:
Well, that's where the bad bunnies go.

Mr. Nezzer:
And let's just say, in my mind, if you don't bow down and sing the song, you're a BAD bunny.

Rack:
(unnerved) You don't mean...?

Mr. Nezzer:
But I'm sure that won't happen. It's almost time for the ceremony. I'll see you out there.

(Everyone, except Rack, Shack and Benny, bows down as the intro music to "The Bunny Song" plays)

Mr. Lunt:
(notices that Rack, Shack and Benny aren't bowing) Hey, boss? Those three guys, they don't look like they're bowing.

Mr. Nezzer:
(confused) Hmm... aren't those our new Junior Executives?

Mr. Lunt:
I think so. Maybe they're stuck.

Mr. Nezzer:
Let's find out. (moves the podium over to Rack, Shack and Benny) I said, it's time to sing "The Bunny Song."

(The factory's delivery girl, Laura Carrot, notices the situation)

Laura:
Come on, guys, sing the song! Everybody's doing it.

Mr. Nezzer:
(with increasing frustration) Sing the song!

Mr. Lunt:
They ain't singing, boss.

Mr. Nezzer:
(finally on the brink of losing his temper) SING!!!!!

(Shack begins singing "Think Of Me")

Mr. Nezzer:
Is that "The Bunny Song?"

Mr. Lunt:
(skeptical) No, I don't think so.

Laura:
(worried) Are you crazy? That's the wrong song!

(Shack keeps singing. Rack and Benny join in on the last verse)

Mr. Nezzer:
(touched) Oh, that was wonderful. I'm gonna be singing that song myself... (suddenly angry) as I throw you into the furnace! GUARDS!!! (Rack, Shack and Benny are shocked) Seize them! Take them to the furnace!!!

(A band of carrot guards approach Rack, Shack and Benny)

Laura:
I've gotta help them. But how?

(Laura notices her flying delivery truck and approaches it as the scene fades out)

Grandpa George:
(off-camera) Rack, Shack and Benny will be right back, after this short break.

Announcer:
And now it's time for Silly Songs with Larry the part of the show where Larry comes out and sings a silly song. Larry will be performing the traditional Argentinian ballad, "The Dance of the Cucumber" in its original Spanish. Bob the Tomato will translate.

(Rack, Shack and Benny are nearly dumped in the furnace, but Laura saves them, and puts them in her flying delivery truck)

Laura:
Sorry, sir! Can't let you cook my buddies!

Mr. Nezzer:
GUARDS! Get them!

(Two carrot guards jump into their own flying vehicles)

Laura:
Hang on, guys!

(A sheep falls over by Jimmy)

Jimmy Gourd:
Oh, Dave! One of my sheep fell over! Will you come pick it up for me?

Dave (Junior Asparagus):
(struggling to pick up another sheep) I'm kinda busy right now.

Jimmy Gourd:
(miffed) Do you remember the time we dipped you in tar and stuck you to the backside of an angry water buffalo?

Dave:
I'll be right there!

(Another sheep falls over by Tom)

Tom Grape:
Hey, Dave! One of my sheep fell, too!

Dave:
Just a minute!

(Jerry knocks over a row of sheep)

Jerry Gourd:
Oh, look! All of my sheep fell over! (pause) Dave!!

Jimmy Gourd:
Oh, Dave! After you pick up our sheep, could you run and get me a bite to eat? I'm famished!

Jerry Gourd:
Oh, yeah! Me, too! Get me something, too!

Jimmy Gourd:
You know, sometimes I think I could eat a whole camel!

Jerry Gourd:
Oh, yeah? Well, sometimes I think I could eat a whole spaceship!

Jimmy Gourd:
(confused) Uh, what's a spaceship?

Jerry Gourd:
I have no idea.

(The Philistines, portrayed by the French Peas, are taunting the Israelites from across the battlefield)

Jean-Claude:
Hello, Israelites! You are pigs, and soon we will put apples in your mouths and stick you in our toaster ovens! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Christophe:
Ah, yes, after we defeat you, you will be our slaves and you will have to fetch us our slippers.

Jean-Claude:
Yes, and iron our trousers!

Christophe:
Ho-ho, and wipe our little noses.

Jean-Claude:
Ha-ha, and scratch that spot on our backs that we cannot reach no matter how hard we try. Ha! (no response from the Israelites) Don't you have anything to say?

Jimmy Gourd:
Um... Do you guys have any fried chicken? I've got a real hankering for fried chicken.

Jerry Gourd:
Yeah, me, too!

Jean-Claude:
(to Christophe) This is going to be easier than we thought.

Goliath:
Who will fight me?!

Dave (Junior Asparagus):
I will fight you, Goliath!

Jimmy Gourd:
(to Tom and Jerry) You know, if I didn't know better, I'd say that sounded like Dave!

Tom Grape:
(laughs) Well, yeah! (spots Dave running out onto the battlefield) You know, if I didn't know better, I'd say that looks like Dave!

Dave's Brothers:
(shocked) Huh?! (Dave smiles at his brothers) DAVE?! (Jimmy faints)

Bob the Tomato:
(narrating) Goliath was equally surprised.

Goliath:
Who said that?

Dave:
(clears throat) I did!

Goliath:
Huh? (sees Dave) Oh ho ho! Am I a dog that you come at me with sticks?

(Philistines laugh)

Dave:
I don't exactly know what you mean, but you are not a dog! You're just a really big guy who wants to beat me up! And I come at you not with sticks, but in the name of the God of Israel, who this day will help me defeat you!

Goliath:
We will see who defeats who! Now we fight!

(The Veggie kids watch intently as a TV commercial plays)

Wally P. Nezzer:
(dressed as Santa Claus) Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas! Hey kids, do you have the "don't know what I want for Christmas" blues? If I know my toys, and you know I do, than I know just what you're looking for. You want a toy that's fun. You want a toy that's cute. Most importantly, you want a toy with a fully-functioning buzzsaw in his right hand. That's right, you want Buzz-Saw Louie!

(camera shows the toy and demonstrates the buzzsaw)

Mr. Nezzer:
Cool, huh? But wait, there's more! Buzz-Saw Louie also knows the true meaning of Christmas. All you have to do is push his nose and... (presses the Louie's nose)

Buzzsaw Louie:
Christmas is when you get stuff! You need more toys!

Mr. Nezzer:
Getting your own doll is easy. Just have your parents place an order, and one of our trained penguins will deliver it right to your door.

Announcer:
Delivery not available to Pugslyville due to the collapse of the Pugslyville Bridge.

Mr. Nezzer:
So take it from me, Mr. Nezzer... I mean, Santa Claus and his little elf helper.

Mr Lunt:
(wearing pointed ears and hat) Look at me, I'm an elf!

Mr. Nezzer:
You just won't be happy until you have Buzz-Saw Louie, the only toy with a working buzzsaw and the true meaning of Christmas.

Buzzsaw Louie:
Billy has more toys than you.

(The kids go wee wee wee all the way home whining and begging for Buzz Saw Louie)

Junior:
MOM MOM I NEED MORE TOYS!!!

Percy:
Billy has more toys than me!

Dad:
Who's Billy?

Percy:
I don't know but he has more toys than me!

Laura:
I want a Buzz Saw Louie!

Lenny:
I want 10 Buzz Saw Louies!

Both:
Cuz that's the true meaning of Christmas!

(The commercial ends, and the Veggie kids run home to beg their parents for more toys)

Junior:
(crying) Mom! Mom! We need more toys!

Percy:
Billy has more toys than me!

Dad Pea:
Who's Billy?

Percy:
I dunno, but he has more toys than me!

Laura:
(whines loudly) I want a Buzz-Saw Louie!

Lenny:
I want ten Buzz-Saw Louies!

Laura and Lenny:
Cuz that's the true meaning of Christmas! (crying)

(Bob is lying upside down in a snow pile after crashing in Junior's sled)

Larry:
Bob, Bob! Are you okay!?

Bob:
Mouse Trap!

Larry:
Huh?

Bob:
I wanted to play Mouse Trap! You roll your dice, you move your mice. Nobody gets hurt.

(Mr. Nezzer is about to send Bob, Larry, Junior, and Louie over the broken Puggslyville bridge)

Mr. Nezzer:
One more thing. If those parents really care about the true meaning of Christmas, where are they now?

Dad Asparagus:
We're right here!

Mr. Nezzer:
Huh? (turns to see the Veggie parents and their kids glaring back)

Dad Asparagus:
We care much about the true meaning of Christmas, Mr. Nezzer!

Dad Carrot:
That's what we came here... to give you what you deserve!

Mr. Nezzer:
Wha-wha-oh! You didn't really think I was going to... heh... oh, that was just... just a joke! I wouldn't... What are you going to do?

(Laura confronts to Mr. Nezzer, now with a happy face, handing him a present.)

Laura:
Mr. Nezzer... Merry Christmas!

Mr. Nezzer:
Huh? Is that for me? Oh, it's a little bear! Oh, I always wanted a Christmas present, but we were too poor! You don't know how happy this makes me! Look! Isn't it cute!

Larry:
Hi kids. I'm Larry the Cucumber. Welcome to the very first VeggieTales home-improvement video. I hope you're ready to monkey wrench. I know I am. (hops over to the sink) What we're going to do today is change this old leaky fixture on the sink. We're going to replace it with a new one, which will be quite attractive and last for years to come. Oh, and by the way, it's very important with any plumbing job to shut off the water supply. So I had my assistant Jimmy turn off the water to the kitchen. (twists the wrench)

Jimmy:
Oh... you meant the kitchen sink. (faucet explodes and sends Larry flying in a blast of water) I thought we were working on bathrooms and decks.

Larry:
Boooooob!

Larry:
Hi kids. I'm Larry the Cucumber. Welcome to the very first VeggieTales success video. Are you ready to make millions of dollars in real-estate with no money down? I know I am.

Bob:
LARRY!

Larry:
Yeah, Bob?

Bob:
Don't you see? This is a sing-along video!

Larry:
Ohhhhh, a sing-along video. I like sing-along videos. That's when you put the words at the bottom of the screen so people can sing along at home, right?

Bob:
Yup.

Larry:
Oh, the kids are gonna love that. What song should we do first?

Bob:
(rolls his eyes since the show's almost over) Never mind. (leaves)

Larry:
What? (follows Bob) Hey Bob! Guess what? I bought a whole chocolate factory with no money down.

Bob:
You did what?

(Larry and Alfred are playing Candy Land, stomach growling)

Larry:
I'm still stuck in the Molasses Swamp. I've been here for 38 turns. Your turn, Alfred.

Alfred (Archibald):
Right, let's see. (draws a card) Oh, look! I get to go all the way to Princess Lolly! What luck! HA! Your turn.

Larry:
(draws a card) Still stuck. I sure hope the rest of Bumblyburg is having more fun than I am.

(Larry looks out the window to see the Larry-Signal flashing urgently. He and Alfred immediately stand up)

Larry:
Alfred, I've got work to do. Consider our game... postponed.

LarryBoy:
Alfred! I'm going to run out of road! Which button is it?!

Alfred:
The blue button! Press the blue button!

(LarryBoy presses the blue button and wipers pop out)

LarryBoy:
Wipers!

Alfred:
(stressed out) The green button! It's the green one!

(LarryBoy hits it and the horn sound off)

(Cut to Percy and Laura)

Laura:
He's honking.

Percy:
It's part of the plan.

(The LarryMobile is about to hit the water tower)

LarryBoy:
I am going to die!

Alfred:
Stop yelling at me! No yelling! Yell, yell... YELLOW!

(The Fib has captured Junior Asparagus and is preparing to eat LarryBoy)

The Fib:
Hmmmm... sort of looks like candy.

LarryBoy:
No really! It's spandex! It's quite bitter! ALFRED!

Alfred:
I'm getting a reading!

LarryBoy:
Alfred!

Alfred:
It looks like...! It looks like...! (accidentally unplugs the LarryComputer in panic and screams)

LarryBoy:
Alfred?! What's happening?

Alfred:
(plugs in the computer and watches it warm up) Boot, you transistorized tormentor! BOOT!

LarryBoy:
Good bye, Bumblyburg! (gets eaten)

Alfred:
(sees the results) It's Junior! It's Junior! Junior can stop the Lie!

Junior:
I did it! I broke the plate!

LarryBoy:
I am that hero!

(The defenders of Jericho, played by the French Peas, are taunting the Israelites from atop the city's great wall)

Josh (Larry the Cucumber):
Who are you?

Jean-Claude:
Who are we? I think we should ask. Who are you?

Josh:
Oh, um... I am Joshua. And these are the children of Israel.

Philippe:
Ooh! Hello, children!

Jimmy Gourd:
Hi!

Philippe:
It was nice to meet you. Now go away!

Jean-Claude:
Yes! (blows raspberry)

Josh:
(clears throat) No, you don't understand. God has given us this land for our new home. So, well... you're gonna have to leave.

Philippe:
(laughs) Did you hear that, Jean-Claude? The little pickle says we have to leave!

Josh:
I'm a cucumber.

Jean-Claude:
(laughs) That is hilarious! (clears throat) Let me point something out to you, pickle. We have a wall!

Philippe:
Uh-huh.

Jean-Claude:
You do not!

Philippe:
No!

Jean-Claude:
If anyone is to be doing the leaving, it will be you!

Philippe:
Oh, that is right!

Josh:
Now, listen to me! Our God said that this land was ours, and that all we had to do was follow His directions. So, I'm afraid... if you don't come out, we're gonna have to come in there after you!

(Jean-Claude and Philippe laugh)

Jean-Claude:
I'd like to see you try! You could never get over our giant wall, (under breath) tiny pickle!

Philippe:
Yes, tiny pickle! You are not a mighty dill, you are just a baby gherkin!

Josh:
(with hurt feelings) I'm a cucumber!

(Jean-Claude and Philippe laugh)

Philippe:
(deliberately bumps his slushie off the edge) Oop! Ooh! My slushie!

(The slushie hits Jimmy on the head. Josh is appalled)

Jimmy Gourd:
(frustrated) Maybe we should fall back and regroup!

(Discouraged by the giant walls of Jericho, the Israelites discuss plans over a campfire)

Tom Grape:
That's a big wall!

Pa Grape:
This time, I really mean it! We should go back to Egypt. (everybody looks at him in disbelief) Don't you remember? Snorkeling in the Nile? Three square meals a day? Plenty of exercise? Oh, it was paradise!

Tom Grape:
We were in slavery.

Pa Grape:
Nothing is perfect.

Jimmy Gourd:
Listen, kids! That land is rightfully ours! And the only way we're gonna get it is by taking down that wall! Right, Jerry?

Jerry Gourd:
Uh, yeah. Th-That's right, Jimmy.

Jimmy Gourd:
So Jerry and I are gonna put our heads together and come up with a plan... to take down the wall!

Jerry Gourd:
Yeah!

Pa Grape:
They are so aggressive.

Tom Grape:
How are we clapping?

Pa Grape:
I have no idea.

Tom:
Well Pa? Do you still want to see the pyramids?

Pa:
I've seen the pyramids. Ha! I built the pyramids! Let's go to Jericho!

Bob:
Larry. How much stuff do you need to be happy?

Larry:
I don't know. How much stuff is there?

Narrator:
And now it's time for Silly Songs with Larry, the part of the show where Larry comes out and sings-

Archibald:
Just a moment! Wait! Stop talking! (Archibald runs out on stage as a bear-trapped Larry stands and watches) Excuse me, I have an announcement. Ahem... Because of the high standard we on this show strive to adhere to, and as a result of the disastrous outcome of the previous Silly Song, management has decided to review compositions from other performers for this segment. Several artists were screened and we chose one based on the applicant's sense of artistry and all-around proprietary. Thank you.

Larry:
So what are you saying?

Archibald:
I'm saying that Silly Songs is cancelled until further notice.

Larry:
(blinks in disbelief) Oh yeah?! Well, how'm I supposed to get out of this bear trap?

Archibald:
I'm sure you'll figure something out.

(Construction peas move a new title card into view)

Narrator:
And now it's time for Love Songs with Mr. Lunt, the part of the show where Mr. Lunt comes out and sings a love song.

Madame Blueberry:
I am not leaving until I have everything I need to be happy!

[Bob and Larry are crying]

Bob:
Oh that was beautiful!

Larry:
Hold me Bob!

Bob:
I would if I could, man!

Jean Claude:
Pull yourselves together!

Phillipe:
Yes, you have a show to wrap up!

Bob:
Oh, you're right... I'm sorry, where were we?

Larry:
[sniffling] Madame Blueberry..!

Bob and Larry:
[crying]

Jean Claude:
All right! That does it! Cue the music!

Phillipe:
Unless, of course, you have any objections...

Bob:
No... I don't care... go ahead...

Larry:
(sobbing) Bye Silly Songs! Nice knowing ya! (starts singing quietly) It isn't any trouble just to S-M-I-L-E...

Jimmy:
Okay, wrong song. Bad timing.

Jimmy:
Look. Pal. M-Maybe it's none of my business but...why are you so down? You want to tell me what's going on?

Archibald:
I'll tell you what's going on!

(dramatic music)

Archibald:
Perhaps this will clear things up... (Archibald and Larry glare at each other for a bit before he puts on "His Cheeseburger")

Larry:
NOOOOOOO!!

(Archibald has just confessed to his cancelling of Silly Songs)

Jimmy:
(gasping) You don't mean.

Archibald:
Yes! It's my fault! All my fault! I'm the one to blame!

Jimmy:
That's despicable. I'd feel that way too if somebody took my songs away.

Archibald:
It's just that I was only looking out for the public's best interests. We do have standards to uphold, you know. (Jimmy glares) Yes, I see. But then I got these! (pulls out a stack of signed petitions and reads) "We the undersigned believe that Archibald Asparagus should forgive and forget the Song of the Cebu incident and return Silly Songs with Larry to its original Veggie programming. Signed, 167,512 adoring fans, including, but not limited to, the entire population of Duluth, Minnesota, and even someone in Moose Lake."

Larry:
Moose Lake?

Archibald:
Yes, Moose Lake.

Larry:
Wow... Moose Lake.

The Weed:
[sings] I'm a rumor weed! I'm a rumor weed! A tiny little story is all I need to make a big mess! I'm a rumor weed!

Alfred:
I'm not a robot, I'm... British!

Mayor Blueberry:
We're sorry for thinking that you were a robot.

Mr. Nezzer:
We didn't even ask you if it was true!

Alfred:
Oh, I forgive you... I forgive you all! (looks around) Has anybody seen LarryBoy?

(A beat-up LarryBoy drags himself out of the sewers by his plunger-ears)

LarryBoy:
Hey, Alfred... everyone... someone was telling me that you were a robot- (Everybody shushes him loudly)

King George (Larry):
We did it! Oh now now now I'm happy!

King George:
What's that?

Melvin (Pa Grape):
Its a flannelgraph, to illustrate.

George and Louis (Bob):
Ooh! Flannelgraph!

The King (Mr. Nezzer):
Make me a sandwich!

Haman (Mr. Lunt):
You get in the wagon! You, bow to me!

Mordecai (Pa Grape):
Uh, no!

Haman:
Bow!

Mordecai:
No!

Haman:
BOW!

Mordecai:
I bow to no one except my God and my king!

Omelet (Jimmy Gourd):
But soft, 'tis Ophelia. (no response; Omelet repeats with emphasis) But soft! Tis Ophelia!

Mr. Lunt:
(from off-stage, wearing a pink dress) But I don't wanna do it! It's embarrassing!

Arcibald Asparagus:
You have to. It's tradition. In Shakespeare's day, all the women roles were played by men. (shoves Lunt out onto the stage)

Mr. Lunt:
I think we're gonna get letters about this... (in character) 'Tis I, the fair Ophelia.

Percy Pea:
You guess where my ships are.

Omelet (Jimmy Gourd):
2B?

Percy Pea:
Not 2B.

Omelet:
Drat. Uh your turn.

Omelet:
To eat or not to eat, that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler to share my eggs cooked light and fluffy, or to scarf down the whole thing myself. And to take "Tums" against a sea of indigestion. To eat, perchance to get a tummy ache! Aye, there's the rub.

Sven (Larry):
[sings] I need to go to the bathroom!

Otar (Bob):
Uh Sven, you can stop singing now.

Pea Monk:
Right there.

Pa Monk:
Hang on, Lyle! Help is on the way!

Sven:
[sings] If Olaf finds out, you'll be in big trouble!

Otar:
Uh, you can just talk.

Sven:
[sings] You guys go ahead. We'll catch up!

Otar:
Uh, Sven? You don't have to sing.

Sven:
[sings] But it's a musical!

Otar:
Yeah. I know, but you don't have to sing every line.

Millward (Larry):
It's Moyer the Destroyer!

Cavis (Bob):
Run Millward!

Cavis:
Millward, just climbing!

Millward:
It's gonna close, Cavis.

Millward:
Seymour, remember how you promised me I could take the rocket car for a ride sometime?

Seymour (Pa Grape):
Uh ya.

Millward:
It's time!

Mayor (Mr. Nezzer):
[sings] Seven cows sat on a hill, so big and fat. I got my grill. I was thinking about a BBQ. Then seven scrawny ones came along and GULP..The big fat cows were gone.

Jimmy and Jerry:
Oh... Why? Why me? Isn't he? (gasping) (screaming)

Jimmy Gourd:
Whew... And that's I woke up screaming, But why did is a dream mean, Joe?

Scallion 1:
You, the blacksmith will be a chain gang... Up the river! [evil laughs]

Mayor:
You did it, Little Joe. He saved the town!

Little Joe (Larry):
Yeah...

Millward (Larry):
Is that one supposed to be me? Because I'm not that fat.

Mr. Nezzer:
Its a bug! A big bug!

Hope:
Do I look like a bug to you?

Mr. Nezzer:
(after looking at the clock) Yep, I'm just going to stay awake. I'm not tired at all. I'm just going to stay wiiidddee....(snores)

Mr. Nezzer:
Here we go! 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2... Hit it!

Cavis (Bob):
(screaming)

Mr. Nezzer and Cavis:
(screaming)

Mr. Nezzer:
Whew! We made it!

Butterbun (Scooter the Carrot):
Your special just the way God made you.

God:
And lastly your wings. You know what they're for. But not just to fly, son. I want you to soar!

Larry:
[singing] Whether whether whether whether, whether you like it or not. Weather weather weather weather, weather is cold warm and hot.

St. Patrick:
So you see, God is like a shamrock.

People:
Oh great shamrock, you are powerful

St. Patrick:
No no no! This is simply a metaphor.

People:
Oh great metaphor....

St. Patrick:
No no no no! God is like a shamrock. Because He is God the father, God the son and God the holy ghost. One God, three persons.

[Telephone busy signal sound effect coming from Bob's phone]

Woman's voice on recording:
If you'd like to make a call please hang up and try again. If you need help hang up and then dial your operator.

Bob:
Larry? Larry! Oh no, he must have ran out of quarters.

Petunia:
Whoops, [laughs] missed the door.

Duke (Larry):
Bye, I got my hat now.

Otis:
You are lucky Duke, but watch out for yourself this time!

Duke:
No Otis! I'm going to look out for someone else first! That's true love!

Otis:
That's crazy!

Otis:
[screams] I can't see! [screams]

Duke:
We'll be family, Petunia. And I'll take care of you forever.

[Petunia giggles]

Gordian:
Aw this is lame. I don't even like this old playground. I'm going home to play video games.

Martian (Bob):
God says "We should love our enemies".

Cuke (Larry):
Love our enemies!?

Cuke:
One chocolate Malta.

Julia (Petunia):
Malt.

Cuke:
Ya, chocolate.

Julia:
No, it's malt. Malt is a desert, Malta is an island.

Ahem (Mr. Lunt):
Its mine I tell you its mine! Give it to me! Give it back!

Scaryman:
Ah! Too late! [evil laughter]

Billboy (Archibald):
You're wrong, Scaryman!

Scaryman:
Sporks! Save me!

Spork:
Cookie man say no!

Scaryman:
Oh bother.

Billboy (Archibald):
Today is my twelvety-twoth birthday. I'm twice as tall as half of you and half as short as twice of you.

Toto (Junior):
I want to fix this land.

Trout (Mr. Nezzer):
Move along!

Spud (Mr. Lunt):
Nothing to see here.

LarryBoy:
There's nothing wrong with playing video games, but you let this video game play you.

Petunia:
I know! I want out!

LarryBoy:
Remember kid. With great chocolate comes great responsibility.

Gideon (Larry):
I'M AFRAID OF THE DARK!

Angle (Pa Grape):
To tell you the truth, so am I.

Gideon:
[in high-pitched voice] I scream like a girl.

Bob:
Wiggle Turtle Tubies? They look taller on TV.

Pea:
So do you, tomato!

Moe (Larry):
High ho sliver away!

Aaron (Archibald):
Let my people go!

Narrator:
Some matches are made in phosphorus factories, while others are made in heaven. Either way, it all starts with a little chemistry.

Bill (Sheriff's Guards):
Heh, Yeah right...

Moe (Larry):
I got it! I'll save you, unbelievable!

Bill (Sheriff's Guards):
Oof... [screams; groans; coughs]

Tin man (Larry):
Ohians, and fifers.

Scarecrow (Mr. Lunt):
And mares!

Darby (Junior):
Oh my!

Lion (Pa Grape):
ROAR! Woof!

[Scarecrow, Tin man and Darby running around screaming]

Tin man:
It's an Ohian!

Lion:
Uh no, that's "lion".

Tin man:
Oh, lion. Lion!? [screams]

Lion:
Oh stop! I'm not trying to scare you. I'm just hungry!

Tin man:
A hungry lion!? [screams]

Lion:
No no! I'm not going to eat you. I'm just having fun with you. On the count of being so bored.

Little Jimmy:
[looking at a record album of "Mama Belle and Little Jimmy"] Mama!

Tom (Bob):
That's your mama?

Little Jimmy:
And me! Little Jimmy!

Huck (Larry):
That's you?

[Tom & Huck look at Jimmy seeing he is big now]

Little Jimmy:
I grew.

Huck:
Beware the babies!

Tom:
Who's that guy?

Huck:
I think it was Colonel Sanders.

Mr. Lunt:
Personally, I found the book riveting, full of flawed characters and classic American humor.

Carrot:
Oh hello cricket!

Khalil:
I am not a cricket! I am a caterpillar!

Carrot:
Silly cricket.

Pistachio (Junior):
Huh? Cricket!?

Khalil:
I AM NOT A...Pistachio! You are alive!

Duckling:
Quack?

Madame Blueberry:
No, I never played Monopoly, but I'll give it a go.