Virgin Territory

Lorenzo:
[after getting waken up by the nun, getting discovered that he isn't deaf and mute] Ehmm... A miiiiiracle! I CAN SPEAK!

Tindaro:
[narrating about Gerbinos sex-life] There isn't much going on under his pants. Funny, I've heard that he's the biggest dick in town...

Count Dzerzhinsky:
[when crossing their ways, as both are chasing after Gerbino] Where did he go?

Lorenzo:
Uhh... That way. [points at left]

Count Dzerzhinsky:
Okay, but wait! Who are you?

Lorenzo:
Lorenzo di Lamberti.

Count Dzerzhinsky:
Right! The robber on the road! I am Count Dzerzhins...

Lorenzo:
[runs away, annoyed] I know! I KNOW!

Count Dzerzhinsky:
[shouts after Lorenzo] FIRST SON! [pause] Only son, nine sisters! [runs after Lorenzo]

Tindaro:
[while marrying Gerbino and Pampinea] Pampinea... have you taken a bath?

Pampinea:
I have taken a bath this day, father.

Tindaro:
Witnesses of this holy matrimony, this woman come pure in both body and soul... Now, Gerbino Della Ratta, have you taken a bath.

Gerbino:
Yes.

Tindaro:
When?

Gerbino:
I have taken a bath!

Tindaro:
Are you sure? Downstairs? In between your legs?

Gerbino:
WHAT?

Tindaro:
Show me you hands...

Gerbino:
This is ridiculous! [shows his hands]

Tindaro:
Uggh! You have dirt in your fingernails!

Gerbino:
So, what's wrong?

Tindaro:
Now I can't really say "Witness of this holy matrimony, this man comes with pure body and soul, but with dirty fingernails", now can I?

Gerbino:
[goes to the fountain, washing his hands, goes back to Pampinea and Tindaro, waves hand at Tindaros face] Happy? [Tindaro nods]

Pampinea:
[to Gerbino] He was trying to help...

Tindaro:
Yeah, exactly...

Lorenzo:
[to Gerbino] You sh*t! We could smell you coming!