Winter & Construction

Heckler:
Your fly's down, douchebag!

James Franco:
ZARDOZ!

Sean Connery:
Mention that movie again and I'll kill you, you Dago bastard!

Casting Agent #1:
I think the last guy might have confused us with Uwe Boll.

Ashley:
For a time he was the biggest douche on the face of the Earth. Who am I kidding, he still is!

Zachary:
I'm a child of television. I mean, I grew up on it. Because of all those hours watching that mind numbing crap on the tube I decided when I was three that I wanted to become an actor. And you know, now that I think about it that's all I ever wanted to be. Well, that and Alyssa Milano's training bra.

Melissa St. Claire:
Yeah, I remember that sh*t ass production of Les Miserables. Actually it wouldn't have been half bad if it wasn't for that little b*tch ass diva LaVoy. I mean, when in the history of musical theater has a background actor demanded an encore for himself... twice?

Zachary LaVoy:
It was fabulous. The audience? They loved every second I was on the stage. I mean... we changed lives!

Melissa St. Claire:
The entire cast wanted to string him up by his f**king testicles.

Trent Trendsetter:
"Big Time" actually translates into mindless soul sucking hours of performing in sub par dinner theater productions of "Cat On A Hot Tin Shanty", "Barefoot in the Parkinsons" and "I Shat On Your Grave". Yikes! No diggity.

Thomas Eric Kreeper:
Oooh, she's sassy!

Dominatrix:
Not to worry. I always send my minions home by two in the AM.

Wizard:
Is this the fabled land of Camelot?

Hal:
You masturbate?

Chas:
Huh?

Hal:
Do you masturbate?

Chas:
Yeah, I... wait, I'm not going to discuss this with you.

Hal:
Why not? Everybody does it.

Chas:
Yeah, but it's a little private to be discussed in polite company.

Hal:
Oh, come on roomie! We can talk about all kinds of private things!

Chas:
Thanks but no thanks.

Hal:
[pause] I can knock a fly off a curtain from fifteen feet. [makes masturbation noises with his mouth]

Jeremiah:
Oh! I got one! This one actually I kind of got the other night when I was watching Jimmy Fallon. He had Dane Cook on there and...

Stefanie:
I'm sorry I missed that!

Jeremiah:
Really?

Stefanie:
Yeah, I missed it. I love Dane Cook!

Jeremiah:
Yeah, it was like a power house.

Rodger #5/Mark/Markulon:
I'm notoriously known for being a hard guy to please. Let's just say that I've had a BJ while eating a Kuma burger.

Rodger #4:
Will the girls still like us now because we have offered our testicles to Ishtar?

Snuffer:
I'm going to choke you out, b*tch!

Actress:
I just want to know... what's my motivation?

Trent Trendsetter:
I'm standing next to a man dressed up as Harry Potter. Sir, why did you choose Harry Potter?

Harry Dresden:
I am not Harry Potter. I am Harry Dresden.

Trent Trendsetter:
Did he also go to Hogwarts?

Harry Dresden:
...no...!

Tank Girl #1:
We're from "Tank Girl".

Trent Trendsetter:
Yeah you are!

Jeremiah:
None that I know of!

Kelly:
The people at Wrigley Field are fantastic people; everyone was in a great mood except for the the dude in front of me. I got a little excited with my bottle in my hand and I sprayed a little bit of my Pepsi over the fine gentleman in front of me. I thought it was funny. It was fun, we were all having a good time. It's a baseball game! The dude in front of me is all like, "Can you please stop that with your Pepsi? I'm getting it all over myself..." I don't know what the f**k he said. I was pretty drunk by this point, but anyway, he was a dick.