Young, Dumb and Living Off Mum

[lunch is being prepared by Ryan and Enzo. Ryan holds a packet of ham in one hand and a packet of salami in the other hand]

Ryan:
Ham comes from cows... or is that beef? No, it is ham as well, though, isn't it?

Enzo:
No, I think ham comes from... that ham comes from pigs.

Ryan:
[makes a disgusted noise at the ham and next he looks at the salami] And then salami is a fish.

[silence]

Ryan:
Is it a fish?

Enzo:
[laughs] No, its not!

Ryan:
It sounds like a fish.

Himself - Narrator:
Ah yes, of course, the great white salami fish!

Ryan:
You can imagine finding a salami in the ocean.

Enzo:
Like a salmon or a sardine.

Ryan:
Yeah.

[in the aftermath of Sophie's comments against gay adoption she sits outside smoking a cigarette]

Sophie:
They were all on about how it's two thousand and ten. Blah, blah, blah. I don't give a sh*t if it's two thousand and ten. It can be two thousand and f***ing thirteen. I'm still gonna think the same thing.

[a man behind the camera tells Sophie it's two thousand and eleven]

Sophie:
Is it? Really? You're joking. Two thousand and eleven... I didn't even know that. Oh my god. I am so behind. I never know what day it is either.

Gracie:
So if I came up to you and I said I think you're stuck up and rude and horrible and a really big b*tch, cos that is what I think, and I can't take living with you here because you're rude. And I feel so sorry for Ryan because you're mentally abusing him...

Sophie:
Oh my god, how can you say that? Oh, just f*** off.

Gracie:
See what I mean? "Just f*** off." Well, none of us like you, Sophie.

Jack:
So did your dad tell you it was wrong for gay people to have kids?

Sophie:
Yeah.

Gracie:
Did you know that if you dip a crab in a beer, then they walk straight?

Jade:
Yeah, I know tuna. It's like that shape [motions fingers making a square shape] , tuna fish.

Gracie:
Square?

Ruby-Jo:
I've never been so confused in my life. He's just shouting and everyone speaks in fish language.

[starts handling money]

Himself - Narrator:
Just as she's finally making herself useful, something truly terrible happens.

Ruby-Jo:
[looks at her fingernail] Oh, no! [cries] I broke a nail! I broke a nail!

Ryan:
I reckon France is boring and full of, like, lovey-dovey couples... and snails and frogs... and garlic and... don't know. I get confused between vampires and French. Which one is it which don't like garlic? Cos I know one of them do like garlic.

Ryan:
I wonder if dogs can be gay or lesbian, or if they just sleep with anything?

Ruby-Jo:
It can't be easy just to go out and get money or else homeless people would do it.

Ryan:
I'm too gay to be handling DIY and stuff like that!