Zathura

Danny:
[to Walter] You're such a dick.

Danny:
[card reads 'Flunk Space Academy, Go Back 2 Spaces'] I'm not even going to comment on that.

(Little) Walter:
Times change.

(Little) Walter:
(to a robot) Bring me a juice box, bee-yotch!

(Little) Walter:
Everything's your fault, it's your fault Mom and Dad got divorced!

(Little) Walter:
Still think I have gorgeous eyes?

(Little) Walter:
How could you piece my accident? It's stuck to the game. That's impossible, you cheated!

Astronaut (Big Walter):
(pointing at Danny) Danny spun me.

(Danny and Walter are discussing things, not noticing a surviving Zorgon coming down the stairs behind them)

Danny:
Hey, where's Lisa?

(Danny's piano suddenly crashes down the stairs and flattens the Zorgon. Lisa is revealed to have been the one to push it)

Lisa:
Lisa, is upstairs!

Patrick Star:
[on TV, laughing at the bubble elephant] It's a giraffe!

[Danny laughs until Walter changes the channel]

Danny:
Hey! I was watching that! Can't we watch SpongeBob?

Walter:
No!

Danny:
You used to like it.

Walter:
Times changed.

Danny:
Trader sauce!

Danny:
I'm hungry.

Walter:
What do you want me to do about it?

Danny:
Make me macaroni and cheese.

Walter:
I don't know how.

Danny:
I'm hungry. What do you know how to make?

Walter:
Water.

Walter, Danny:
Lisa, no wait, Lisa!

Danny:
Oh man!

Walter:
Wait I didn't I count, wait lemme go. [to push go the game stuck] It's stuck!

Danny:
Maybe we have to take turns.

Walter:
YOU'RE DEAD!!

Danny:
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!

Walter:
[card reads 'Caught Cheating, Automatic Ejection'] Does this mean me?

Danny:
Well, you did move the piece.

Walter:
Well, he's the one who chea... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! [flies up out through the hole in the house's roof and gets sucked into space and one of Walter's Cool Nike sneakers falls off]

Danny:
Walter! [astronaut gets the turbo-jet-pack] Hang on, Walter! I'll save you!

Walter:
Help!

Danny:
[runs up the stairs] Hang on, Walter! I'll save you!

Walter:
Help!

Danny:
Wait a minute! I got an idea! [Walter hangs on by his fingertips and Danny gets the lamp]. I'm going to swing this lamp up to you and you grab it and I'll pull you down.

Walter:
I can't hang on any longer! [He's gonna slip off.]

Danny:
[throws the lamp and breaks it] Don't worry! I'll get another lamp!

Walter:
[slips off] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

Astronaut:
[comes with a turbo-jet-pack on his back] Stand back! [blasts off to get Walter down.]

Danny:
[waiting for Walter to come down] Walter! [looking at the hole] Walter! Oh no! [astronaut got Walter down] You okay? Are you okay?

Walter:
Get away from me!

Danny:
Sorry! [gives the other shoe to Walter]

Walter:
Don't talk to me 'til we get home! [puts his other shoe on]

Walter:
Yes, you ARE a baby.

Danny:
I'm not a baby!

Walter:
You're a baby!

Astronaut:
Noboby is a baby here!

Danny:
I'm not a baby!

Walter:
You are little baby!

Danny:
[really freaking out] I'M NOT A BABY--! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!

Astronaut:
JEEZ! It won't stop! Please... OK, let's play the game!

Walter:
Fine! Won't stop spinning?

Danny:
What's wrong with it?

Walter:
You broke it.

Danny:
[to Walter - by the turn off the game system] Hey!

Walter:
[to Danny] Dad said no video games.

Danny:
He did not. Fine...

Robot:
[Breaks trough the door] EMERGENCY!

Zorgons:
[all growling]

Robot:
ALIEN LIFE-FORM MUST DESTROY!

Walter:
He still wants to kill me! [robot started to grab his neck]

Danny:
Use the reprogram card, quick!

Walter:
[holds the card to the robot] Reprogram!

Robot:
[repair bot appear to fix the robot and shut it down, and turn back on, and the robot let go walter's neck] ALIEN LIFE-FORM! [zorgons growling] MUST DESTROY! [used his jet booster to chase them, Danny and Walter follow them, the Zorgons trying to escape to their battleship and the robot used his jet booster again to attack their battleships] ALIEN LIFE-FORM MUST DESTORY! [Zorgon's 2nd battleship explodes while the robot still attacking]

Walter:
So I guess that is what the reprogram card is for!

Danny:
I like that card.

[The boys have just returned from the Zathura world, Danny has his finger at the Go button on the board]

Walter:
Don't push the button!

Danny:
[Walter goes turned off the game system] HEY!

Walter:
Dad said, "No video games.".

[Last Lines]

Lisa:
We'll never talk about this [Zathura], agreed?

Walter:
Still think I have gorgeous eyes? [Lisa stares at Danny and Walter, who laughs]

Danny:
IT'S THE BLACK HOLE!!!! ZATHURA IS A BLACK HOLE!!!

Dad:
By the way, it makes me uncomfortable when you say "hooking up".

Lisa:
Why? It's not like it means anything.

Dad:
Hope it doesn't.

Lisa:
It doesn't. It's just an expression.

Dad:
I hope it is.

Lisa:
It is! God! We never should've have rented Thirteen!

A new adventure from the world of Jumanji.

Adventure is waiting.

Danny:
[to Walter, after he turns off the game Danny was playing on the PlayStation 2.] Hey!

Walter:
[to Danny] Dad said no video games.

Danny:
He did not. Fine.

[Walter changes the channel to SpongeBob SquarePants episode, "Bubblestand".]

Patrick Star:
[on TV, laughing at the bubble elephant] It's a giraffe!

[Danny laughs until Walter changes the channel]

SportsCenter Announcer:
This is SportsCenter!

Danny:
Hey! I was watching that!

SportsCenter Announcer:
It is Oakland. It is Boston. It is Manny Ramirez.

Danny:
Can't we watch SpongeBob?

Walter:
No.

Danny:
You used to like it.

Walter:
Times change.

Danny:
Tarter sauce. I'm hungry.

Walter:
So, what do you want me to do about it?

Danny:
Make me macaroni and cheese.

Walter:
I don't know how.

Danny:
I'm hungry. What do you know how to make?

Walter:
Water.

Danny:
How about you and me play catch?

Walter:
No. [Danny accidentally his Walter in the face with a baseball for revenge after he won't leave on SpongeBob and turning off his video game.] YOU'RE DEAD!! [jumps off the chair and angrily chases after Danny]

Danny:
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!

Walter:
[looking for him] Danny. Where are you? Danny. Where are you, Danny? [Danny hides in the dumbwaiter] Danny. Where are you? [he finds him hiding in there] There you are.

Danny:
I said I was sorry. [Walter starts to lower him down to the basement] Don't. No. Don't do that, it's not funny.

Walter:
You'll be safe in here until dad gets back.

Danny:
You're just jealous, because dad thinks I'm smarter than you! I didn't mean that. [He continues lowering him down to the basement] Walter, no! Pull me up! Don't!

Walter:
What's the matter, Danny?

Danny:
Pull me up!

Walter:
Not still scared of the basement, are you?

Danny:
Walter! No, Walter! It's not funny! No! Pull me up! WALTER!

Walter:
3-YEAR-OLD'S ARE SCARED OF BASEMENTS!

Walter and Danny:
Lisa, no wait, Lisa!

Danny:
Oh, man!

Walter:
Wait, that one didn't count. Let me go again. [tries to push the GO button, but it's jammed] It's stuck!

Danny:
Maybe we have to take turns. [pushes button and number on panel spins] See, it was my turn.

Walter:
We'll figure it out later. Go.

Danny:
No.

Walter:
Go.

Danny:
NO!

Walter:
GO!

Danny:
[reads card] "Rest on standing AstroTurf."

Walter:
What?

Danny:
"Rest on standing AstroTurf."

Walter:
Let me read it.

Danny:
No, I know how to read. I know how to read!

Walter:
Let me read it! God. [reads the card] "Rescue stranded astronaut."

Danny:
What stranded astronaut?

Walter:
I guess there's gonna be some stranded astronaut or some--

Walter:
Hang on a second. Something's wrong.

Astronaut:
What?

Walter:
[to Danny] I was ahead of you.

[Astronaut looks to Danny]

Danny:
Somebody must have kicked the board?

Walter:
[angrily] No, nobody kicked the board. You cheated!

Danny:
No I didn't.

Walter:
You cheated! I knew you were gonna cheat!

Astronaut:
"Cheater's" a strong word.

Walter:
YOU CHEATED!!

Danny:
I DIDN'T CHEAT!

Astronaut:
Guys, guys, please. Bring it down. Indoor voices. Now, did you move the piece?

Danny:
Maybe... I moved the piece... by an accident.

Astronaut:
Okay. It was an accident.

Walter:
How can you move the piece by accident if it's stuck to the game?! That's impossible! You cheated!

Astronaut:
No, no, no, let's not use that word. No, stop saying cheated.

Walter:
You cheated! Cheater!!!

Danny:
I DIDN'T CHEAT!

Astronaut:
Hey, hey, hey. Come on. Okay? Now, where did you move from?

Danny:
[pointing to his rocket ship] I was right here.

Walter:
No, you weren't! You were back there!

Danny:
Nuh-uh.

[Walter moves Danny's ship back to the same spot where he spun the astronaut]

Astronaut:
Okay, care-- careful.

Walter:
God.

Astronaut:
Okay, it's fixed.

Walter:
You're such a baby.

Danny:
I'm not a baby.

Astronaut:
[overlapping Walter and Danny] Slow down, slow down, slow down.

Walter:
Yes, you are a baby!

Danny:
I'm not a baby!

Walter:
You're a baby!

Astronaut:
[trying to stop Walter and Danny's argument] Nobody is a baby here.

Danny:
I'm not a baby!

Walter:
[yelling] You're a little baby!

Danny:
[freaking out] I'M NOT A BABY! AAIIGGH--!!

Astronaut:
[covering Danny's mouth, stopping the argument] JEEZ! It won't stop! Please! Okay, let's play the game.

Walter:
[annoyed] Fine. [pushes the "Go" button, but the number on the panel keeps spinning] Won't stop spinning.

Danny:
What's wrong with it?

Walter:
You broke it.

Astronaut:
[sees yellow card] Oh, look. There's the card. See? It fixed itself.

Walter:
[reads card] "CAUGHT CHEATING Automatic ejection"? Does it mean me?

Danny:
Well, you did move the piece.

Walter:
[points to Danny] He's the one who cheated. AAAAAIIIIGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!! [flies up out through the hole in the house's roof and gets sucked into space while screaming, and one of Walter's Nike sneakers falls off]

Danny:
Walter! [astronaut gets the turbo-jet-pack] [runs up the stairs] Hang on, Walter! I'll save you!

Walter:
Help!

Danny:
Wait a minute! I got an idea! [Walter hangs on by his fingertips and Danny gets the lamp] I'm going to swing this lamp up to you and you grab it and I'll pull you down.

Walter:
I CAN'T HANG ON ANY LONGER! [He's gonna slip off.]

Danny:
[throws the lamp and breaks it] Don't worry! I'll get another lamp!

Walter:
AAAAAAAIIIIIGGGGHHHHHHHH! [slips off]

Astronaut:
[comes with a turbo-jet-pack on his back] Stand back! [blasts off to get Walter down]

Danny:
[waiting for Walter to come down] Walter! [looking at the hole] Walter! Oh, no! [astronaut got Walter down] You okay? Are you okay?

Walter:
Get away from me.

Danny:
Sorry. [gives the other shoe to Walter]

Walter:
Don't talk to me 'til we get home. [puts his other shoe on]

Robot:
[breaks trough the door] EMERGENCY! [The Zorgons all growl] ALIEN LIFE-FORM MUST DESTROY!

Walter:
He still wants to kill me! [robot grabs his neck]

Danny:
Use the card, quick!

Walter:
[holds the card to the robot] "REPROGRAM"!

Robot:
[repair bot appears to fix the robot and shuts it down and turns back on. The robot then lets go of Walter's neck] ALIEN LIFE-FORM! [Zorgons growling] MUST DESTROY! [uses his jet booster to chase them, Danny and Walter follow them, the Zorgons try to escape to their battleship and the robot uses his jet booster again to attack their battleships] ALIEN LIFE-FORM MUST DESTROY! [Zorgon's second battleship explodes while the robot is still attacking the first one causing it to roll around]

Walter:
Guess that's what the "REPROGRAM" card's for.

Danny:
I like that card.

Walter:
It's a good card.

[Danny and Walter are discussing about the "REPROGRAM" card, not noticing a surviving Zorgon coming down the stairs behind them]

Danny:
Where's Lisa?

[Danny's piano suddenly crashes down the stairs and flattens the Zorgon. Lisa is revealed to have been the one to push it]

Lisa:
Lisa... is upstairs!

Astronaut:
What fell?! Little excessive, but I like it. Come on.

[last lines]

Lisa:
We never speak of this, okay?

Walter:
Never happened.

Danny:
Never happened.

Walter:
Still think I have gorgeous eyes? [Lisa stares at Danny and Walter, who laugh]

Danny:
Walter.

Walter:
What? [they start tackling each other for a second and run straight to their mom's car, and their bike comes down after being up in space, ending the movie]

Dad:
Don't do that!

Walter:
You wanna play catch?

Dad:
We just played catch.

Walter:
No, football catch.

Dad:
I have to work for an hour.

Walter:
But it's Saturday.

Dad:
Tell me about it.

Walter:
All you ever do is work.

Dad:
Nice try.

Walter:
This is so unfair.

Dad:
Hello? Uh, Bill, I am so sorry. I'll call you back in two minutes. Is that okay? Thanks. I have a really important meeting this afternoon, Walter. I really have to be ready for it.

Walter:
You're going out?

Dad:
Yes, I'm going out. Well, I'm going to a meeting. You're gonna be at Mom's house anyway. She's coming to get you at three.

Walter:
We go to Mom's house tomorrow.

Dad:
No, today.

Walter:
This is a four-day Dad week.

Dad:
No, three-day Dad week. Four-day last week, four-day next week, three-day this week. Four-day Mom week this week.

Walter:
But that's not fair!

Dad:
To whom?

Walter:
To anyone!

Dad:
I have to work.

Walter:
We'd have all the time we want if Danny wasn't around.

Dad:
Well, Danny is around.

Walter:
All right, Five throws.

Dad:
How do I put this? Um, let me think. I have to work.

Danny:
Dad, I'm ready to play (Super) Smash Bros.

Walter:
What?! You told him you're gonna play (Super) Smash Bros.?!

Dad:
No, I didn't tell him I was gonna play (Super) Smash Bros.

Danny:
You're playing catch with Walter?!

Walter:
He might if you weren't around!

Dad:
Guys! Guys!

Danny:
You're so mean! Everybody wants to ruin my life!

Walter:
You never keep your promises!

Danny:
All you care about is Walter!

Dad:
[fed up with the boys bothering him] THERE'S ONLY ONE OF ME, OKAY?! I don't like this situation either! It sucks is what it does, but this is the best I could come up with! So, climb off my back and give me about two inches of space, will you, please?! [sits down and sighs] There are some days, boys, when you gotta grow up all at once. I need today to be one of those days.

Danny:
You're really mean.

Walter:
Dad said not to play in there.

Danny:
[shows Walter a board game] Look what I found in the basement.

Walter:
Looks dumb and old.

Danny:
I like it.

Walter:
Yeah, you would. It's for babies.

Walter:
"Zathura. Attention space adventurers, Zathura awaits. Do you have what it takes to navigate the galaxy? It's not for the faint of heart. For once you embark upon your journey, there's no turning back until Zathura is reached. Pieces reset at the end of each game. Play again and again for different adventures." That's it. We gotta keep playing.

Danny:
I'm not playing that thing.

Walter:
Yes, we are. It says we go home if we win.

Danny:
It, it didn't say that.

Walter:
Yes, it did. "Pieces reset at the end of each game." That means we go home when we're finished.

Danny:
All I know is that when we play this game, bad things happen.

Walter:
All I know is that when I played that game, I got promoted. So I'm gonna win this thing and get us home.

Danny:
Wait, wait, wait. Can we stop...?

Walter:
Don't be a baby.

Danny:
I'm not a baby.

Danny:
That's your robot?

Walter:
At least I got one.

Danny:
Well, what does it do?

Walter:
Anything I want. Get me a juice box, biatch!

Danny:
Don't do that!

Walter:
Why not? It's my robot.

Danny:
You might make it mad.

Walter:
It's three inches tall, I'll punt it across the room. It's my robot, the card says.

Danny:
I never said it wasn't your robot; You don't have to be such a jerk.

Walter:
Dude, you're just jealous 'cause I have a robot and you don't.

Danny:
Why would I want--?

Walter:
[rolls a 9] Yes! 9!

Danny:
Good roll.

Walter:
"Good roll"? 9's a great roll.

Danny:
I meant, "great". [sees gold card] It's gold.

Walter:
[pulls out gold card] "SHOOTING STAR Make a wish as it passes". [excitedly] Oh, that's got to be the best card in the whole game! I'm almost to the end. Look, a few more, and I win!

Danny:
[not caring] I hope you win. I don't care who wins.

Walter:
[angrily and dismissively] It's because you never win at anything, Danny.

Astronaut:
Hey.

Walter:
[to the Astronaut] What? That's why he cheats all the time, because he can never win!

Danny:
No, I don't!

Walter:
Yeah, you do! And you almost got me killed!

Danny:
It wasn't my fault!

Walter:
It's not your fault?! How's it not your fault? This is all your fault. Everything's your fault! IT'S YOUR FAULT MOM AND DAD GOT DIVORCED!!

Astronaut:
[angrily] HEY!

Danny:
[had enough of Walter being mean to him] YOU SUCK! [he throws the game away and runs upstairs]

Astronaut:
Danny...!

Lisa:
[Lisa prepares to go downstairs for her date, and sees smoke coming over her] Walter? [she goes downstairs to the kitchen and sees the boys making a pyre] YOU GUYS ACTUALLY SET THE HOUSE ON FIRE!!!!

Walter:
Lisa's back!

Danny:
Lisa's unfrozen! [The boys rush over to embrace her saying "Lisa, you're okay"]

Lisa:
[angrily] GET OFF ME!!!! GET OFF ME, TRY TO FIND THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER!!!! [Lisa puts the fire out while Walter and Danny plead her not to, to no avail]

Walter:
NO! LISA, WAIT!! STOP!!! LISA, DON'T!!! LISA, STOP!!! NO, LISA, DON'T DO THAT! WE GOTTA KEEP THE FIRE! NO, LISA, DON'T DO IT!!!

Danny:
[overlapping Walter's pleading Lisa to stop] NO, LISA, NO!!! THE ZORGONS ARE ATTRACTED TO FIRE!! NO, LISA, DON'T PUT OUT THE FIRE!!! THE ZORGONS ARE ATTRACTED TO FIRE!!! THE ZORGONS ARE ATTRACTED TO FIRE!!!! LISA, NO!!! NO, NO, NO! Lisa...

[The kids have just returned from the Zathura world, Danny has his finger at the "GO" button on the board.]

Danny:
[looking around] Walter?

Walter:
[to Danny; concerned] Don't push that button.

[Danny listens to Water as he slowly takes his finger off the "GO" button.]

Walter:
[reads card] "REPROGRAM"? [to Danny] What the heck does that mean?!

Walter:
[to Danny; gently] I'm your brother. And that's what being a brother means. Means I'll never let anything happen to you.

Danny:
IT'S METEORS!! TAKE ERASIVE ACTION!! TAKE ERASIVE ACTION!!

Danny:
One. God! I suck.

Astronaut (25-Year-Old Walter):
Zorgons. They're big gnarly lizards. Cold blooded heat seekers and the tiniest spark of warmth will bring them in like moths. Flying all around in the galaxy. Looking for anything they can find to burn up. (Walter: Why don't they just burn up their own planet?) Oh, they already did. That's not even the worst of it. Their problem is their ravenous appetite. They never stop eating. (Walter: What do they eat?) Meat. (Danny: That's good.) Dude, You're meat.

Astronaut (25-Year-Old Walter):
Burning gas! That's probably what brought 'em here in the first place!

Astronaut (25-Year-Old Walter):
Nope. I'm doing this is because I've been eating paste out of a tube for 15 years.