George Carlin... It's Bad for Ya!2008

George Carlin:
Another nice thing about getting old is you can leave any social event early just by saying you're tired.

[laughter]

George Carlin:
Works great with family members. Just turn to the person next to you and you say "Gee, I'm getting tired, you know."

[as family member]

George Carlin:
"Oh, you're tired? Come on, grandpa's tired, grandpa's going to bed." And someone else says "But it's seven thirty in the morning!"

[laughter]

George Carlin:
There's always one a**hole in the family. But the best thing about getting old is you're not responsible for remembering things anymore. Even important things; "But it was your daughter's funeral!"

[laughter]

George Carlin:
"I forgot!"

[laughter]

George Carlin:
You can even make believe you have Alzheimer's Disease. That's a lot of fun. You look around the dining room table and you say "Who are you people and where is my horse?"

[laughter]

George Carlin:
Then you stare at your eldest son and say "Agnes! I haven't seen you since First Communion!"

[laughter]