Grand Theft Auto: Liberty City Stories2005

Vlad:
Hi, my name is Vlad. I am a first time caller.

Lazlow Jones:
Oh don't tell me, you're a vampire. Ooh I'm scared. What's wrong with you people? Your music is horrible! Turn on a light! Get some sun!

Vlad:
No, I'm a underwear model. Why do you insult me? Is this typical in your country? You-Your show is terrible!

Lazlow Jones:
Ugh, dude, really I'm sorry, really. I'm having a really bad show.

Vlad:
That's ok. Just saying, no biggie. Unlike me, Massive! Huge! Shaved or unshaved, its like baby's arm. This is why I model the underwear.

Lazlow Jones:
Enough! Enough with the personal size of the grooming or the shaving or the growing of the thing. Let's talk about politics or public safety or Dormitron Bondagers! Or something interesting! What's wrong with this town? You're sick! You know this rubbish never happened to me back in the 80's. The 90's are crap! Do you agree, Line 1?

7 Year Old Girl:
How should I know? I'm seven.

Lazlow Jones:
You are?

7 Year Old Girl:
Yeah, I'm a big fan of yours. Yeah, when I grow up, I wanna be a witty radio host with a made-up name.

Lazlow Jones:
Aren't you a little young to be listening to this show?

7 Year Old Girl:
No, my mom lets me listen all day because she works real hard and needs long baths.

Lazlow Jones:
Why's that?

7 Year Old Girl:
I don't know. After her tennis lessons, she's always screaming about what a dirty girl she is.

Lazlow Jones:
Heh, okay.

7 Year Old Girl:
Lazlow, do you know what "F*** me harder" means?

Lazlow Jones:
Wh-Whoa-ho, uh, dude, don't drop the f-bomb. Uh, yeah, I mean, of course I know what that means.

7 Year Old Girl:
I thought so. I knew I learned it from somewhere. I thought so. My mom heard me say it, and I wasn't sure if it was something I heard her tennis coach say, or if it was something you said on the radio. I said it was probably you.

Lazlow Jones:
Hey it wasn't me! This is a show sanitized for your entertainment.

7 Year Old Girl:
So, now your being sued. For a hundred and fifty million! You're going to be on welfare, Ha Ha!

Lazlow Jones:
Gee, thanks.

7 Year Old Girl:
I LOVE YOU LAZLOW!