Jeff Foxworthy: Totally Committed1998

Jeff Foxworthy:
You break into my house, I *will* shoot you. My wife will shoot you and then spend thirty minutes telling *why* she shot you.

[in one breath and at an increasing pace]

Jeff Foxworthy:
"I shot you for coming through the window like that. You know, you ought to get a job like the rest of us. I was up at five forty-five this morning. I had to make lunch for the kids, and then I had to take them to school, then I had to go to work myself. At lunch hour, I had to go get my driver's license renewed, then I had to stop by the grocery store on the way home. Are you listening to me? Are you listening to me? If you bleed on my rug, I'm gonna shoot you again."

[laughter]