Jeff Foxworthy: Totally Committed1998

Jeff Foxworthy:
To me, the definition of redneck is "a glorious absence of sophistication". And it can be temporary or it can be permanent, but most of us are guilty of it, at least from time to time. Then, not long ago, I was reading this magazine article where somebody claimed that there was a shortage of sophisticated people in this country. Which I took to mean there was an abundance of people like me.

[laughter]

Jeff Foxworthy:
And I started thinking about the differences, and they are vast, y'all. Like, sophisticated people invest their money in stock portfolios. Rednecks invest our money in commemorative plates.

[laughter]

Jeff Foxworthy:
"Yeah, that's the legends of NASCAR series right there."

[cheers and applause]

Jeff Foxworthy:
"This is probably our personal favorite: Richard Petty huggin' his momma. I can't hardly look at it without cryin'."

[laughter]

Jeff Foxworthy:
"Of course, that's Dale Earnhardt. He wasn't in a wreck or nothin', that's just some ketchup on his forehead."

[cheers and applause]

Jeff Foxworthy:
See, rednecks think "mutual funds" means everybody's having a good time.

[laughter]

Jeff Foxworthy:
Sophisticated people have retirement plans. Rednecks play the lottery.

[laughter]

Jeff Foxworthy:
That's our plan. "And when we hit the Pick Six, we're going to add a room onto the trailer so we don't have to sleep with Jim's daddy no more."

[laughter]

Jeff Foxworthy:
Sophisticated people go to art auctions. Rednecks? We have yard sales.

[laughter]

Jeff Foxworthy:
And the difference is at art auctions, the sale price is slowly working its way *up*. Not at a yard sale. In fact, you got enough patience, you can get a house full of furniture for a buck twenty-five.

[laughter]