Mass Effect 22010

[Bachelor party with an asari stripper]

Salarian:
I still don't see why we're here. Salarians do not "get married." My family simply negotiated a reproduction contract...

Human:
Well, it's the closest you guys get to a wedding, and that means you get a bachelor party. End of story.

Salarian:
I don't understand. Humans celebrate wedding contracts by tempting infidelity? That makes no sense!

Human:
Calm down, man. Don't embarrass me in front of the stripper.

Salarian:
What do turians do? Do turians do this too?

Turian:
I'm just here for the drinks.

Salarian:
You said that bachelor parties are for very close friends. We're just co-workers.

Human:
We've been co-workers for five years though. Aren't salarian years like dog years?

Salarian:
Ok, now, that's offensive. I appreciate the gesture, but my people don't even have sex drives like humans do.

Human:
Uh-huh. Take a look at *that*, man. Everybody likes the asari. *Everybody*.

Salarian:
But we actually reproduce by... my word. She is very... limber. I can appreciate her dancing in an aesthetic manner, but... I don't have... feelings of... she is a lovely shade of blue.

Turian:
Ok, that makes my legs hurt just watching it, and my knees are meant to bend that way.

Salarian:
This isn't as bad as I'd feared. It's actually... i-is it warm in here? What's that little divot in her abdomen?

Human:
It's called a belly-button. Humans and asari have them, and you're going to be doing shots out of it later tonight.

Turian:
That can't be sanitary.

Human:
Not the point, man!

Salarian:
I can understand why I might find asari attractive, but how can they be attractive to humans too? They look just like salarians!

Human:
What? They look exactly like us! I'm not seeing the salarian thing at all. At all.

Turian:
You're both wrong. Asari look just like blue turians. Look at the head-fringe!

Human:
Wait, you don't think they're like, mind-controlling us to see them as attractive, do you?

Turian:
Please be quiet. You're going to ruin asari for me. And there aren't many turian women on Illium.

Salarian:
Well, I suppose watching just... one more dance couldn't hurt.

Human:
Hahaha! That's the spirit!

Turian:
As long as I'm not paying for the drinks.