On Location: George Carlin at Phoenix1978

George Carlin:
[from the 'News Headlines' bit] A man who was-A man who was schedul-This is one where you're gonna moan but I'm gonna do it anyway.

[three or four audience members moan]

George Carlin:
Okay. A little pre-moaning. That's nice.

[someone throws a bottle of Visine at George's feet]

George Carlin:
Visine. Do they look *that* red? Would you hold that for me?

[a joint falls onto the stage]

George Carlin:
Hey, *now* I need it!

[George squirts several drops on the joint]

George Carlin:
It's like starting a fire for the charcoal burner, you know? God. Well that's gonna be nice. That'll really-well anyway will you hold both for me? Now *you're* under arrest! Here comes the Wisine as we say in the middle part of Europe. Well, there ain't much of this left but there is one final story that I would like to wind up with folks and I do thank you for that visine but I didn't smoke at half-time so if they're red it's just natural eyeball blood pressure or whatever you call that sh*t. I was-the one you were gonna moan about I was gonna tell about a man who was scheduled for a heart transplat who decided not to have it. He had a change of heart you know.

[the audience moans and George giggles happily]

George Carlin:
I love that sh*t! I know why you're moaning because you wish you thought of the goddamned thing yourself! I have to think that.