Robin Williams: Weapons of Self Destruction2009

Robin Williams:
I miss human contact even on the phone for directory assistance it's like "City and state please". Washington D.C. "What would you like?" Constitution Hall. "Did you say Kennedy Center?" No, Constitution Hall. "Did you say Cogressional Ball?" No!. It starts to become like the miracle worker. Constitution Hall. "Did you say cocksucker?" No I didn't say cocksucker! "Would you like to talk to a person?" F*** yes! "If you'd like to talk to a person press one"

[He acts like he is dialing on a phone]

Robin Williams:
Beep! "If you'd like to speak to someone in English press two" Beep! "Are you sure you don't want to talk to someone in spanish? Press three" Beep! "Press four if you'd like to move to the next menu" Beep! "Press five if you're getting somewhat irritated" Beep! "Press six if you're my b*tch" Beep! "Press seven. You know you want to" Beep! "Press eight daddy. Do it" Beep! "Press nine!" Beep! "What are the chances of talking to a real person? Zero! press it!" Beep! Beep! Beep! BEEEEEEP!

[He begins talking in an indian accent]

Robin Williams:
Hello did you want to talk to a real person?