Ted2012

[Norah Jones is in her dressing room preparing a drink when Ted and John arrive]

Ted:
Hey, play 'Chopsticks', you jazzy slut!

Norah Jones:
Teddy!

Ted:
Hahaha! How are you?

Norah Jones:
[Hugs Ted] How are you, you fuzzy a**hole?

Ted:
Well, you know I'm not a hot half-Muslim chick who sold over 37 million records, but I'm hanging in there.

Norah Jones:
Well, half-Indian, but... thanks.

Ted:
Hey, whatever. Thanks for 9/11. Hey listen - I want you to meet a good pal of mine, all right? John Bennett, Norah Jones.

John:
[Approaches Norah to shake her hand] Hi, hi, Norah Jones.

Norah Jones:
Hey. Hey there, sweaty. [wipes hand on her dress] Um, you ready to bring down the house?

John:
Yes, ma'am. Yeah, thank you for the opportunity. Miss... Ma'am Jones, I... thank you.

Ted:
Jesus, you look fantastic.

Norah Jones:
Well, you're probably not used to seeing me fully clothed.

Ted:
[laughs] Yeah, I know, right? You mean... me and Norah met in 2002 at a party at Belinda Carlisle's house. And we had awkward fuzzy sex in the coat room.

Norah Jones:
Actually, you weren't so bad for a guy with no penis.

Ted:
Yeah, you know, I've written so many angry letters to Hasbro about that.