Ted2012

[last lines, as Ted and Sam Jones do a "flash jump" after John and Lori's wedding]

Narrator:
And that's the story of how one magical wish forever changed the lives of three very special friends.

[footage of Ted and Tami-Lynn on their double date with John and Lori]

Narrator:
Ted and Tami-Lynn continued their torrid love affair for quite some time. One afternoon Ted was caught behind the deli counter eating potato salad off of Tami- Lynn's bare bottom. He was instantly promoted to store manager.

[footage of Sam Jones walking toward John at Ted's party]

Narrator:
Sam Jones moved back to Hollywood with the goal of restarting his film career. He currently resides in Burbank where he shares a studio apartment with his roommate Brandon Routh.

[photo of Brandon Routh]

Narrator:
Remember Brandon Routh from that godawful "Superman" movie? Jesus Christ. Thanks for getting our hopes up and taking a giant sh*t on us.

[footage of Rex at the office]

Narrator:
Rex gave up his pursuit of Lori. Not long after he fell into a deep depression and died of Lou Gehrig's disease.

[footage of Donny dancing in his living room]

Narrator:
Donny was arrested by Boston police and charged with kidnapping a plush toy. The charges were dropped when everyone realized how completely stupid that sounded.

[footage of Robert in his bedroom]

Narrator:
Robert got a trainer, lost a substantial amount of weight, and went on to become Taylor Lautner.

[photo of Taylor Lautner]