The 40 Year Old Virgin2005

Cal:
Listen, when I was growing pot, I realized that the more seeds I planted, the more pot I could ultimately smoke.

Andy Stitzer:
I think I've got all the advice I can handle right now.

Cal:
Don't get bitter.

Andy Stitzer:
I'm not getting bitter. I almost lost a nipple, okay?

Cal:
That was Jay's idea, and I wasn't going to say anything, but waxing your chest is the gayest thing you could possibly do. Look at me: looks are not important. *Really* look at me. I am ugly as f*** by traditional standards, but, I get with women. Aren't you curious as to how that's possible?

Andy Stitzer:
I am not ugly as f***.

Cal:
I didn't say you were ugly as f***.

Andy Stitzer:
Well, you implied it.

Cal:
Okay, okay, it doesn't matter if you're ugly as f***, or you're ugly as sh*t. It's about *talking* to women, and I know how to do that because I observe, because I am a novelist.

Andy Stitzer:
What? You never told me that before.

Cal:
That's because I'm not an arrogant prick, Andy.