Cal: Listen, when I was growing pot, I realized that the more seeds I planted, the more pot I could ultimately smoke.Andy Stitzer: I think I've got all the advice I can handle right now.Cal: Don't get bitter.Andy Stitzer: I'm not getting bitter. I almost lost a nipple, okay?Cal: That was Jay's idea, and I wasn't going to say anything, but waxing your chest is the gayest thing you could possibly do. Look at me: looks are not important. *Really* look at me. I am ugly as f*** by traditional standards, but, I get with women. Aren't you curious as to how that's possible?Andy Stitzer: I am not ugly as f***.Cal: I didn't say you were ugly as f***.Andy Stitzer: Well, you implied it.Cal: Okay, okay, it doesn't matter if you're ugly as f***, or you're ugly as shit. It's about *talking* to women, and I know how to do that because I observe, because I am a novelist.Andy Stitzer: What? You never told me that before.Cal: That's because I'm not an arrogant prick, Andy.
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