The Gay Divorcee1934

Waiter:
Pardon, you, you uh rang sir?

Egbert Fitzgerald:
Who me? Well, my dear fellow, what is there here to ring with?

Waiter:
Pardon sir, that's just a figure of speech.

Egbert Fitzgerald:
Oh, oh. Uhuh. Well, bring me a... let me have a... eh, there there. You see? Your figure of speech has made me forget entirely what I wanted.

Waiter:
Could it have been that you require crumpets?

Egbert Fitzgerald:
No no no, I never ring for crumpets.

Waiter:
Would you be the kind of man who would ring for a toasted scone, sir?

Egbert Fitzgerald:
Scone? Well, now uh, no. no. Try me again.

Waiter:
Well, then could you, could you imagine yourself with a hankering for a nice gooseberry tart?

Egbert Fitzgerald:
Oh what an acid thought. Please.

Waiter:
No crumpets. No scones. No gooseberry tart. Well that lands both of us in a cul-de-sac doesn't it, sir?

Egbert Fitzgerald:
Of course it does. I knew it would.

Waiter:
You know I hate to leave you like this. You torn with doubts and me with my duty undischarged.

Egbert Fitzgerald:
Oh well cheer up old man, cheer up. It will come to me.

Waiter:
Was it animal or vegetable sir?

Egbert Fitzgerald:
No.

Waiter:
Well that leaves us mineral doesn't it sir. Now sir, was it a bit of half and half, a noggin of ale, a pipkin of porter, a stoop of stout, or a beaker of beer?

Egbert Fitzgerald:
Tea.

Waiter:
Tea. Ha. Well isn't it a small world sir.