The Infidel2010

Lenny Goldberg:
Listen, Rabbi. My friend has drunk my chicken soup. He's danced like a Cossack in my living room, he told a funny story at a Bar Mitzvah and got a good laugh. I'm a Jew, and my friend is Jewish enough for me.

Rabbi:
[to Mahmud] Come back when you've found a better teacher.

Mahmud Nasir:
And where do I find one of those, eh? Craig's list? Look, Rabbi, I haven't even told my wife and family about this!

Rabbi:
Well perhaps that's where you should start! Now if you don't mind, I've got a dying man's soul to take care of!