The Libertine2004

Harris:
[calls to him onstage] My lord!

Rochester:
I asked for no interruption.

Harris:
My suit is one of the utmost urgency: the stage direction at the end of this scene requires, in my opinion, some authorial exposition.

Rochester:
It seems straightforward enough.

Harris:
Yes, um,

[reading from the script]

Harris:
"Then dance six naked men and women, the men doing obedience to the women's c*nts, kissing and touching them often, the women in like manner to the men's pricks, kissing and dandling their cods and then fall to f***ing, after which the women sigh and the men look simple and so sneak off." The end of the second act.

Rochester:
A strong scene, an eminently playable scene, and though I say it myself, a climactic one.

Harris:
And w-will the kind of equipment that that young lady has in her hand [a large wooden dildo] be available for gentlemen for... strapping around the middle for the execution of this scene?

Rochester:
I had not envisioned you to be so encumbered; I feel this scene should be given... in the flesh.

Harris:
And will we give... two performances on the day?

Rochester:
No, Mr. Harris.

Harris:
[relieved] I am glad to hear that from the author.

Rochester:
With the dress rehearsal, the court performance and the public showing, I envisage three.

Harris:
Right; I don't know if you've met my regular understudy, Mr. Lightman, he's a most dependable fellow.

Rochester:
Sir, you have the honour of playing *my* understudy.

Harris:
[cross] Well, I shall take this opportunity to withdraw from the engagement.

[he leaves]

Rochester:
[calls after him angrily] You are one of *life's* understudies!