Clerks1994

[while driving to Julie's wake]

Dante:
Thanks for putting me in such a tough spot. You're a good friend.

Randal:
She was pretty young, huh?

Dante:
Twenty-two. Just like us.

Randal:
An embolism in a pool.

Dante:
What an embarrassing way to die.

Randal:
That's nothing compared to how my cousin Walter died.

Dante:
How'd he die?

Randal:
He broke his neck.

Dante:
That's embarrassing?

Randal:
He broke his neck trying to suck his own dick.

Dante:
Shut the hell up.

Randal:
I swear.

Dante:
Stop it.

Randal:
Bible truth.

Dante:
Oh, my God.

Randal:
Come on. Haven't you ever tried to suck your own dick?

Dante:
No!

Randal:
Yeah, right. You're so repressed.

Dante:
Because I never tried to suck my own dick?

Randal:
No, because you won't admit to it. As if a guy's a f***ing pervert because he tries to go down on himself. You're as curious as the rest of us, pal. You've tried it.

Dante:
Who found him?

Randal:
My cousin? My aunt found him. It was a mess. He was on his bed, with his legs doubled over himself. My aunt freaked out.

Dante:
Man, he had his dick in his mouth?

Randal:
Yeah. Balls resting on his lips.

Dante:
Wow! He really made it.

Randal:
Yeah, but at what a price?

Dante:
I could never reach.

Randal:
Reach what?

Dante:
You know.

Randal:
What, your dick?

Dante:
Yeah, like you said. I guess everyone gets curious and tries it sometime.

Randal:
I never tried it. F***ing pervert.