Clerks II2006

Jay:
(From an alternate introduction to the characters) Ooh, I f***ing hate sobriety, tubby! Everything's so crisp and loud now, and boring. It's boring, son! It's boring! Well, you could do more to help that, you know. This whole 'not talking' sh*t's getting old. It didn't matter when I was high, cause I'd just imagine you were talking in my head, like The Shining and sh*t, son. Like The Shining and sh*t. 'Jay's not here right now, Missus Torrance. Silent Bob's the man who lives inside my mouth'...eww, you f***ing f*ggot, I bet you'd love to live in my mouth." (Silent Bob rolls his eyes) "Well, you had your chance. Back when I was high, you might have had a chance to slip your chubby little cock in me without me noticing, but that sh*t's NEVER gonna happen now that I'm all dry and sh*t...like your mom's puss. (Pause) That is, unless you got a joint? (Silent Bob shoots him a look of shock and surprise.) Ooh! Ooh, Motherf***er! You're SO f***ing lucky! See, I was just testing you. You're lucky you passed, or I'd have to get rid of you as my sponsor. And then you'd cry like a little B*TCH!