Van Stone: Tour of Duty2006

Randy Van Stone:
Hey, Gary Siebert's Dad.

Gary Seibert's Dad:
Gary's not home.

Randy Van Stone:
Actually, we're here for you. We're goin' on tour to support the troops and need to get into shape.

Gary Seibert's Dad:
So... What's that gotta do with me?

Lonnie Van Stone:
We gotta get in "military shape." And since you were in the army...

Gary Seibert's Dad:
Army? Who told you I was in the Army?

Lonnie Van Stone:
I don't know. Were you in the Army or not?

Gary Seibert's Dad:
Oh, I was in the Army alright. But I don't talk about those days... You see this scar?

Randy Van Stone:
No, not really.

Gary Seibert's Dad:
You sure?

Lonnie Van Stone:
Nope, no scar.

Gary Seibert's Dad:
You don't see the scar next my eye?

Randy Van Stone:
I see some wrinkles, like crow's feet.

Gary Seibert's Dad:
Well, one of those is a scar. Got it fightin' the Vietnamese.

Lonnie Van Stone:
You were in Vietnam?

Gary Seibert's Dad:
No, Tijuana... It was 1982, I was stationed in San Diego. Me and the guys take weekends off, party south of the border. So we're at this donkey show. I'm like fifty beers in, getting started, watchin' this Mexican chick gag as she tea-bags the mule balls. The donkey was about to blow it's load all over this chick's bosoms... You know the thing about a Donkey, he's got... lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll's eye. Then those black eyes roll over white. Hee-Haw! And it's cleans up in aisle three... All of a sudden, I feel this guy pushing me. Push push push. I look around. This little Vietnamese businessman and he's all "you please move, I can't see." Or some bullshit like that. So I start giving him a piss polish on his shoes and I don't know this must've gotten lost in translation, he gets all upset, right? He starts punching and kicking.

Lonnie Van Stone:
Wow, so they broke a bottle over your head or something?

Gary Seibert's Dad:
What? No, f*** no. I got out of there. I'm a lover, not a fighter. Got out of there as quick I could. Not a scratch on me.

Randy Van Stone:
But what about the scar? You said you got it fightin' the Vietnamese.

Gary Seibert's Dad:
Yeah I must've been f***ed up when I said that... Good luck, kids.