In the Loop2009

[A newspaper is reporting the collapse of Simon's constituency's wall]

Simon Foster:
God, how ridiculous! And that's news, is it?

Malcolm Tucker:
It's not ridiculous. It's not ridiculous at all. [beat] You're fired.

Simon Foster:
What?

Malcolm Tucker:
Over the wall. [Points at the paper] I mean, that's just not tolerable.

Simon Foster:
It's a f***ing wall, Malcolm.

Malcolm Tucker:
Look, The Telegraph has a cartoon of you teetering on the Great Wall of China. Suggesting that you're the only political f***-up visible from space. Look at this! No-one could survive this! The PM's very clear about this; you're sacked. Over the wall.

Simon Foster:
No!

Malcolm Tucker:
Yes!

Simon Foster:
You haven't even spoken to the Prime Minister!

Malcolm Tucker:
I have.

Simon Foster:
You f***ing haven't! I've been standing here right in front of you!

Malcolm Tucker:
I have spoken to the Prime Minister. Whether it has happened or not is irrelevant, it is true! And he was very clear; you've got to go.

Simon Foster:
[Laughs nervously] If you think I'm going quietly, Malcolm, you've made a mistake.

Malcolm Tucker:
Well if you want to try and turn this into some anti-war protest, expect to hear your "Mountain of Conflict" soundbite everywhere: from ringtones to f***ing a dance mix on YouTube. And I will marshal all the media forces of darkness to hound you to an assisted suicide. [Simon stands, stunned and terrified] Right-oh, let's just go and draft your "Dear Prime Minister, just a quick note to say thanks for giving me the sack" letter.