A Christmas Story1983

The Old Man:
[Muffled In The Furnace] You filthy sicken hook-aid! Oh, smelly wok buster! Grout shell fratten houstickle Viper! [coughs] You Platypus Snot grafta! Dorton hoper...

Ralphie as an Adult:
What happened next was a family controversy for years.

The Old Man:
You wart mundane noodle! You shotten shifter paskabah! You snort tonguer! Lame monger snaffa shell caca! [There is a crash heard, and as Ralphie notices, there are footsteps heard in the furnace, opens the furnace door] What was that? What happened? [Ralphie Doesn't Know What That Noise Was, And The Old Man runs to the living room.] What happened? What broke?

Mother:
[while holding a destroyed Leg Lamp] I don't know what happened. I was watering my plant, And I.... broke your lamp. [The Old Man walks slowly, and as he kneels down, he takes the lamp]

The Old Man:
[angrily] Why did you touch that?! You were always jealous of this lamp!

Mother:
[Shocked] Jealous of a plastic--?!

The Old Man:
[cuts Mother off] JEALOUS! Jealous, because I won!

Mother:
[Speechless] That's ridiculous! Jealous?! Jealous of WHAT?! [Points To The Lamp, Angrily] That is... the ugliest lamp I have ever seen in my entire LIFE!!!!!

Ralphie as an Adult:
[narrating] Now, It was out.

The Old Man:
Get the glue.

Mother:
We're out of glue.

The Old Man:
[furiously grunts] You used up all the GLUE on purpose!

Ralphie as an Adult:
[narrating] The Old Man stood quivering with fury, stammering as he tried to come up with a real crusher. All he got out was--

The Old Man:
[finishes Ralphie's sentence] NOT A FINGER!!! [As he walks back to the room to get the Leg Lamp, it cuts to the window where he takes the Leg Lamp and he puts the lampshade on, but it collapses again, causing The Old Man and Mother to gasp in shock]

Ralphie as an Adult:
[Narrating] With as much dignity as he could muster, The Old Man gathered up the sad remains of his shattered major award. Later that night, alone in the backyard, he buried it next to the garage. [The Old Man takes the Leg Lamp away] Now I could never be sure, but I thought that I heard the sound of taps being played... gently.