The Mystery of Mamo1978

[Lupin, hidden behind a pillar, presents a rose for Fujiko, who gasps]

Lupin:
[melodramatic, clears his throat] My love is like a red, red rose!

Fujiko:
Lupin!

Lupin:
[in a mock English accent] A rose is a rose by any other name would smell as sweet!

Fujiko:
What is this, English lit. 101?

Lupin:
[walks out to her, wearing a formal dress suit, clears his throat] How like a rose thou art! Oh, your beauty dazzles my eyes! Your thorns pierce my heart! [smells the rose, changes back to his normal accent] And that stuff didn’t come out of any book, by the way. I made that part up all by myself.

Fujiko:
Don’t give up your day job, okay? Shouldn’t we get down to business?

Lupin:
[in an uncharacteristically deep voice] I long to undress thee Fujiko petal by petal…

Fujiko:
Great. Now it’s getting obscene.

Lupin:
I long to plant thee in my garden of love, water thee with my tears, and fertilize thee with my kisses, Fujiko!

Fujiko:
Enough of the fertilizer, Lupin. Get that bud out of my face before I plant it.

Lupin:
So typical of the materialistic modern woman. [throws the rose away] All they want is expensive jewelry.

Fujiko:
All I want is what we agreed to. [gasps] What are you babbling about? Did you find the gemstone?!

Lupin:
Does Santa Claus wear a red suit?

[Fujiko’s eyes widen as Lupin presents her the Philosopher’s Stone]

Fujiko:
That's it, all right. Hand it over!

[Lupin yanks the Stone away from Fujiko]

Lupin:
[tutting] Fujiko! You cut to the quick! I can't believe how unromantic you are! I mean, I risked my life to bring you this bauble, not to mention expenses! And what do I get in return for all my toil and trouble? "Hand it over." Tell me, who's the pebble for, anyway? I assume you're acting for someone else, right? So don't tell me. It doesn't really matter. The fact remains that your part of the bargain was to go on a date with me, remember?