The Mystery of Mamo1978

Jigen:
All this just to bag the two of us. Boy, with the Cold War over, things must be pretty slow.

Goemon:
We can thank Lupin for getting us into this.

Jigen:
Life’d sure be dull without him, wouldn’t it?

Gordon:
Stand up! You’re in the presence of a very important government official! [he presses a button, drawing down automated blinds]

Goemon:
I stand for no one.

Jigen:
Me neither, not even for Heinrich Gissinger, Special Adviser to--and the brains behind--the President of the United States. [Gordon plays a taped recording of a conversation between the US President and the Secretary General]

Secretary General:
Mr. President, my country’s being blackmailed. I hope your government is not at fault.

US President:
Now calm down, Boris. That’s ridiculous.

Secretary General:
Whoever it is demands that we hand over all of our secret scientific data on cryogenics and gene splicing. If we do not, he threatens to attack us with nuclear warheads!

US President:
Well, he’s not one of ours. We’ve been threatened the same way. In fact, he’s already knocked out two of our communication satellites!

Secretary General:
You do not think that we…

US President:
No, no. The Cold War’s over, after all… isn’t it, Boris?

Secretary General:
Oh… why, yes it is. Of course! But who is this madman?

Mamo:
If I may, gentlemen… I am Mamo. [Gissinger stops the tape]

Gissinger:
The first two voices will remain unidentified. They are of no concern. What we want is the identity of the man who broke in on their top-secret conversation… this blackmailer who calls himself “Mamo”. [he fast-forwards part of the tape, and continues playing]

Mamo:
That’s right – Mamo. Some have called me a prophet; others, a God.

Secretary General:
That is lunacy!

US President:
That’s an understatement. You can’t believe that we’ll go along with this.

Mamo:
You have no choice! I know every move you make before you know it yourselves. Why, I even know about that little floozy you keep in the steno pool, Mr. President. How would you like the world to find out about her?

US President:
Oh… how dare you!

Secretary General:
Floozy? What is this floozy? [Gordon stops the tape]

Jigen:
Aw… just when it was gettin’ good.

Gissinger:
The rest of it is immaterial. All that matters is reason to believe that this Mamo character is quite serious in his intentions.

Jigen:
No kiddin’. [lights a cigarette] You haven’t said… what any of this has to do with us.

Gissinger:
Don’t be silly. We know your friend Lupin stole some objects at this fellow’s request, and that you were with him when he did. Now, then… tell me everything you know about this Mamo person!

Jigen:
Hey. You guys know more about him than I do.

Gordon:
Okay, stop playing games, ya lousy beatnik! We know you’re in this with Lupin up to your necks, so start coming clean! [Jigen hands him Fujiko’s clue to Lupin’s whereabouts] Hm? What the Hell’s this?

Jigen:
It’s a clue, Sherlock. His double-crossing girlfriend wrote it and dropped it out of a plane. It says “water”.

Gordon:
[annoyed] Yeah, I can read.

Jigen:
I’m impressed. You’re clearly overqualified for your job. Next, they’ll be hiring guys who can think...

Gordon:
[Growling angrily, he turns over the table, knocking Gissinger and Jigen backwards. He grabs Jigen by his shirt] Listen! We have ways of getting you to talk!

Jigen:
Is this the way the US Government treats folks?! Well, I got news for you, Charlie!

Gordon:
Yeah?! What’s that?

Jigen:
I’ve always believed in my patriotic duty to buy US savings bonds, but I never will again!

Gordon:
You pencil-necked little pisshead!

Gissinger:
Gordon! It is obvious that these two know nothing. [mutters with Gordon, who opens a door] It appears we shall have to approach this problem from a different angle. In the meantime, gentlemen, you are both free to go.

Gordon:
You two clowns better watch your step! [closes the door]

Jigen:
[straightening his jacket] Yeah. Right back atcha, ya big ape.