The Mystery of Mamo1978

Jigen:
So, this is how Uncle Sam keeps the world safe for democracy.

Goemon:
All military might is an illusion.

Jigen:
Well, those planes look pretty real to me.

Gordon:
Ten-shun! This is Special Presidential Adviser, Mr. Gissinger. [he presses a button, drawing down automated blinds]

Goemon:
What’s special about him?

Jigen:
Have you heard his accent? Apart from that, he masterminds the world’s number-one big bang show. [Gordon plays a taped recording of a conversation between the US President and the Secretary General]

Secretary General:
Mr. President. I want your assurance that the CIA is not responsible – I am being blackmailed.

US President:
Eh, how’s that, Mr. Secretary?

Secretary General:
I am to hand over all secret technical data on biochemistry, sitology and gene technology. If I refuse, my country will suffer a nuclear attack!

US President:
Hey, I’ve been threatened the same way. And to prove they’re serious, they’ve already destroyed several of our communication satellites.

Secretary General:
Well, it was not us, Mr. President.

US President:
I know that, Mr. Secretary. You couldn’t hit one of our satellites if you tried.

Secretary General:
Now, wait! Only…

US President:
Choke on your borscht. The important thing is – to find out who’s behind this.

Mamo:
I shall tell you. It is I, Mamo. [Gissinger stops the tape]

Gissinger:
I cannot reveal who the first voices we heard belong to, but it’s the third voice, which is obviously the blackmailer’s, that I am interested in. Who broke in on this secure hotline conversation? [he rewinds part of the tape, and continues playing]

Mamo:
I shall tell you. It is I, Mamo. The greatest intellect in the history of the world. Some call me a prophet; you may address me as God.

Secretary General:
God?! You must be insane!

US President:
Eh, if you’re God, I gotta tell you, your requests are pretty unoriginal, not to say, venial.

Mamo:
Request? I’m giving you and order! And if you care about mainstream, cherry pie and Dynasty as you always say, you’ll jump to it! [Gordon stops the tape]

Jigen:
Go on.

Gissinger:
No. You do not have security clearance A-14, without which the material is too sensitive to be communicated to you at this moment in time.

Jigen:
That’s tough. [lights a cigarette] But I don’t see… where the two of us come in.

Gissinger:
Mamo’s established positive links with the criminal named “Wolf”, an associate of yours. I need him. He will lead me to this imposter who pretends to be God!

Jigen:
Hey, I wish I could help you, only…

Gordon:
Grr... I’m not putting up with crap like that! We got information which says you and Wolf have been partners for years! [Jigen hands him Fujiko’s clue to Wolf’s whereabouts] So, what’s this?

Jigen:
That’s for you guys to work out. It was written by Wolf’s double-crossing girlfriend. Nothing else I can tell you.

Gordon:
Water’s all it says…

Jigen:
Boy, if you’re that on the ball, you’ll solve this case in no time!

Gordon:
[frustrated, he turns over the table, knocking Gissinger and Jigen backwards] Don’t mess me around! [grabs Jigen by his shirt] Listen! We got ways of making you talk.

Jigen:
C’mon, riff, shouldn’t that be his line? If this is democracy, I’ve had it.

Gordon:
Huh? Not yet.

Jigen:
I used to be a great Bogie fan, and Elvis, Dean and Marilyn… but now, I resign!

Gordon:
So, you really are anti-American…!

Gissinger:
Gordon! Restrain your quite mental outrage. [whispers to Gordon] Let’s use a more subtle psychological approach. [Gordon opens a door] We are convinced you are telling the truth and that you know nothing. We have therefore decided that we will let you go.

Gordon:
God bless America and democracy! [closes the door]

Jigen:
[straightening his jacket] This means I needn't give up Bogie!