The Phantom of the Opera2004

[onstage at the opera performing]

Confidante:
They say that this youth has set my lady's heart aflame!

Fop #1:
His lordship sure would die of shock!

Fop:
His lordship is a laughingstock!

Confidante:
Should he suspect her, God protect her...

Confidante, Fop #1, Fop:
...shame, shame, shame! This faithless lady's bound for Hades... shame, shame, shame!

Carlotta:
[as Countess] Serafimo, your disguise is perfect! ["knock" at door] Why, who can this be?

Piangi:
Gentle wife, admit your loving husband! [gropes Meg's bottom]

[Meg squeaks as audience laughs]

Andre:
[to Firmin] See, that is exactly the sort of thing the public loves!

Husband:
My love, I’m called to England on affairs of state, and must leave you with your new maid! [to crowd] Though I would happily take the maid with me!

[audience laughs]

Carlotta:
[also to audience] The old fool is leaving!

Andre:
That's the Countess de Charbourg! She's invited us to her Salon, you know.

Firmin:
Nothing like that ever happened to us in the junk business.

Andre:
[correcting] Scrap metal.

Carlotta:
Serafimo, away with this pretence!

[Christine, playing as Serafimo, throws off skirts disguising her as a maid]

Carlotta:
You cannot speak, but kiss me in my husband's absence. Poor fool, he makes laugh! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! Ha Ha!

Confidante, Fop #1, Fop and Carlotta:
Old fool, he doesn’t know, ho ho ho ho ho! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! Ha Ha!

The Phantom:
[voice booms around theater] Did I NOT instruct... that Box Five was to be kept empty?

[The audience gasps]

Meg Giry:
He's here, The Phantom of the Opera!

Christine:
[faintly] It’s him...

Carlotta:
[snaps] Your part is silent, little toad! ... [laughs nervously at crowd]

The Phantom:
[softly] A toad, madam? Perhaps it is you who are the toad...

[Joseph Buquet starts to search for the Phantom]

Carlotta:
[begins again] Serafimo, away with this pretence! You cannot speak, but kiss my in my – [croaks]

[The audience gasps, then laughs]

Carlotta:
Poor fool, he makes laugh! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! Ha Ha -- [croaks loudly]

[The audience laughs loudly as Carlotta begins to shriek; the curtain closes]

Reyer:
[to one of the fops from dancing alone in front of the curtain] You're fired!

Firmin:
Ladies and Gentlemen, we apologize. Uh, the uh, performance, will... continue in ten minutes time, when the role of the Countess will be played by Miss Daaé!

[The audience applauds]

Andre:
[voice strained] Meanwhile, we’d like to give you the ballet from Act Three of tonight’s Opera!

Reyer:
What??

Andre:
Maestro, th-th-the ballet, bring it forward, please. The ballet! Now, please!

Firmin:
Thank you!

[The audience applauds again and cheers; chaos issues as the ballet is preformed; the audience starts to laugh uproariously]

[Joseph Buquet is searching around for the Phantom behind the stage when he comes face to face with him]

Joseph Buquet:
Uhha! [stumbles back and runs]

[tries to get away from the Phantom, who is climbing the rope stairs above the stage; the Phantom hunts him down and pins him against the planks of the rope ladder; he puts an noose around his neck and throws him down to hang in the center of the stage in front of everyone]

[The audiences screams; Raoul runs backstage to Christine]

Raoul:
Are you alright?

Christine:
Raoul, we’re not safe here. [pulls him along]

Firmin:
Ladies and Gentleman, please remain in your seats! Do not panic! It’s simply an accident! AN ACCIDENT!