Ralph Breaks the Internet2018

Vanellope:
Whoa, whoa, ladies, I can explain! See, um... I'm a princess, too!

Anna:
Wait. What?

Vanellope:
Yeah! Princess Vanellope von Schweetz of the, uh... Sugar Rush von Schweetzes? I'm sure you've heard of us. It'd be embarrassing for you if you haven't. [laughs nervously]

Pocahontas:
Well, what kind of a Princess are you?

Vanellope:
What kind?

Rapunzel:
Do you have magic hair?

Vanellope:
No.

Elsa:
Magic hands?

Vanellope:
No.

Cinderella:
Do animals talk to you?

Vanellope:
No.

Snow White:
Were you poisoned?

Vanellope:
No.

Tiana and Aurora:
Cursed?

Vanellope:
No.

Rapunzel and Belle:
(excitedly) Kidnapped or enslaved?

Vanellope:
No! Are you guys okay? Should I call the police?

Ariel:
Then I have to assume you made a deal with an underwater sea witch, where she took your voice in exchange for a pair of human legs?

Vanellope:
No! Good Lord, who would do that?!

Snow White:
Have you ever had (singsongy) True Love's Kiss?

Vanellope:
Eww! Barf!

Jasmine:
Do you have daddy issues?

Vanellope:
I don't even have a mom!

Snow White, Cinderella, Ariel, Belle, Jasmine, Pocahontas, Anna and Elsa:
[happily while posing] Neither do we!

Rapunzel:
And now for the million dollar question: Do people assume all your problems got solved because a big strong man showed up?

Vanellope:
Yes! What is up with that?

All Disney Princesses:
She is a Princess!

Snow White:
(sings a few notes in delight)

Cinderella:
[looking at Vanellope's clothes along with Ariel] Who made your gown? I've never seen anything quite like it.

Vanellope:
Oh, this old thing?

Cinderella:
Oh, I'd so love to have one of my own.

Aurora:
As would I.

Moana:
Me, too!

Elsa:
So cool!

Rapunzel:
Best gown ever!

Ariel:
I want one too, you guys!

Cinderella:
I'll get my mice on this. [The Disney Castle appears in a Batman-style scene change; all the Princesses are relaxing with Vanellope, all wearing new modern clothes.] So this is love. All hail Princess Vanellope, the queen of comfy.

Rapunzel:
Yay Vanellope!

Ariel:
[looks at her shirt] Of all the thingamabobs in this entire world, I never thought I'd get to wear a real... what's it called again? Oh, yeah. A shirt. [Starts singing her signature song as a spotlight shines on her and music plays] I once had a dream that I might wear a shirt...

Vanellope:
[Stopping her] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait. What's going on?

Jasmine:
Uh, she's singing.

Vanellope:
Yeah, but there was, like, music and the spotlight and... wait, you all saw it, too, right?

Tiana:
That's what happens when a princess sings about her dreams.

Vanellope:
Oh, that's never happened to me, I mean, not even once.

Rapunzel:
Why don't you give it a try? What is it you really want? Sing about that.

Vanellope:
Okay, uh, sure. I can do that. Uh, let's see. [Clears her throat and starts singing in an O Tannenbaum-like tune, albeit not so well] Oh, steering wheel, oh, steering wheel. Oh, yes, I want a steering wheel. Doo-doo-doo, boop-wowp.

Belle:
Well, there's a lot to unpack here. So, this steering wheel you sing of, that's a metaphor?

Vanellope:
Oh, no, no, no, no. It's not a metaphor. It's just...I literally want a steering wheel. I think the issue was I was a little pitchy.

Mulan:
Maybe a little. But sometimes, your song can't start until you go someplace to reflect.

Pocahontas:
What works for some of us is finding a form of water and staring at it.

Vanellope:
What?

Snow White:
Oh, yes. I like to stare at a wishing well.

Moana:
I stare at the ocean.

Mulan:
Horse trough.

Cinderella:
Soap bubbles.

Vanellope:
Wait, you're saying if I just stare at some water...

Ariel:
Ah. Important water.

Vanellope:
Right, of course, important water. I stare at the important water, and somehow magically, I'll start singing about my dream?

Rapunzel:
For sure.

Other Princesses:
Mm-hm.

Vanellope:
Uh, yeah. I don't think so, ladies, but thanks.

[A knock is here and C-3PO from Star Wars suddenly comes in]

C-3PO:
Five minutes, Princesses. Another "Which Disney Princess are you?" quiz starts in five minutes.

[He leaves as the Princesses groan with disappointment]

Ariel:
Okay, thank you.

Tiana:
Well, I guess it's back to the gowns, girls.

Aurora:
It was lovely to meet you, Vanellope.

Belle:
And best of luck finding your song.

Merida:
Ach! Lang may yer lum reek, and may a moose ne'er leave your girnal with a tear drop in his eye! Haste ye back, me lassie!

Vanellope:
Uh-huh... What did she just say?

Tiana:
We don't know.

Moana:
We can't understand her.

Anna:
She's from the other studio.

Vanellope:
Ah.