Bohemian Rhapsody2018

Ray Foster:
[after listening to Bohemian Rhapsody; groans] Christ. [Freddie stops music reel] Well, I'm not entirely sure that's the album you promised us.

Freddie Mercury:
No, it's better than the album we promised you. It's better than any album anyone's ever promised you, darling. It is a bloody masterpiece.

Ray Foster:
[under his breath] Christ.

John Reid:
It is a good album, Ray.

Roger Taylor:
We prefer "masterpiece."

Ray Foster:
It's expensive, and as for... Bohemian...

Brian May:
[clears throat] Rhapsody.

Ray Foster:
...Rhapsody. What is that?

Freddie Mercury:
An epic poem.

Ray Foster:
It goes on forever; 6 bloody minutes.

Freddie Mercury:
I pity your wife if you think 6 minutes is forever. [Paul snickers] And you know what? We're going to release it as our single.

Ray Foster:
[chortles] Not possible. Anything over three minutes, and the radio stations won't program it, period. And what on Earth is it about, anyway? "Scaramouche"? "Galileo"? And all that "Ismillah" business? "Ishmillah"?

Freddie Mercury:
[pause] Bismillah.

Ray Foster:
Oh, aye. Bismillah. What's it about anyway? Bloody Bismillah?

Freddie Mercury:
True poetry is for the listener.

Brian May:
It ruins the mystery if everything's explained.

Ray Foster:
Seldom ruins sales. 3 minutes is the standard. John.

John Reid:
Yeah, we need radio. Format is three minutes. I have to agree with Ray. I actually think the single's Love of my Life.

Brian May:
No.

John Reid:
Okay, how about John's song, You're My Best Friend? You know, "Ooh, you make me live." Catchy, stronger.

Ray Foster:
What about I'm in Love with My Car?

Brian May:
You're joking!

Roger Taylor:
Huh.

Brian May:
Oh, Jesus.

Ray Foster:
I love it. [Freddie kicks Ray's desk] Well, that's the kind of songs teenagers can crank up the volume in their car and bang their heads to. Bohemian Rhapsody will never be that song.

Brian May:
It's the band decision. Bohemian Rhapsody. That's it.

Ray Foster:
You're My Best Friend. And it's my money.

Roger Taylor:
Bo-Rhap. Period.

Freddie Mercury:
[removes music reel] Or we walk.

Paul Prenter:
[pauses] MacArthur Park was 7 minutes long. It was a hit.

Ray Foster:
Look, I'm not arguing with Bohemian whatever's...

Freddie Mercury:
Rhapsody.

Ray Foster:
...musicianship, but there's no way in Hell, the station will play a six minute quasi-operatic dirge, comprised of nonsense words! "Bismillah"?! Bullshit! I paid for this record, so I say what goes!

Roger Taylor:
Have we no legal recourse on this?

Jim "Miami" Beach:
Ray, you did Dark Side of the Moon, haven't you?

Ray Foster:
[nods] I did.

Jim "Miami" Beach:
Yeah, I absolutely love that record. [to Roger Taylor; answering his question] Uh, legally, no. No, it's got your balls in a vice. It's a different matter in a court of public opinion, of course. Ray Foster's a giant name in the music industry, but... to the average person. Say the name "Queen", on the other hand...ears prick up.

[long moment of silence]

Ray Foster:
[refusing to back down] We're going with You're My Best Friend. Done.

Freddie Mercury:
No, we know what we have, even if you don't. It's called Bohemian... [he puts his cigarette out on Ray's papers] ...Rhapsody. [leaves with the band] You will forever be known as the man who lost Queen.

[after they leave, Jim takes one final glance at Ray while waving goodbye, before joining the others. The door closes, leaving Ray, John, and Paul]

John Reid:
Temperamental artists, eh? They're well aware they're tied to a contract, but who knows what goes on inside the inscrutable mind of the recording artist?

Ray Foster:
Mark these words. If they're not careful, by the end of the year, no one will know the name "Queen". [brick is thrown through window] Christ!

[Paul opens window, and, along with Ray Foster, sees Queen outside.]

Freddie Mercury:
[shouting] You can take that out of our royalties, twat!

Ray Foster:
Wanker!

Brian May:
You can shove your gold discs! You made a mistake, Foster!

Freddie Mercury:
Arsehole!

Ray Foster:
[shouting] You'll never have a gold disc, you medium talent! [to Paul] And to think, I work with Hendrix.