The Breakfast Club1985

John:
[crawling on the ceiling] A naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm...and a two-foot salami under the other. [chuckles] She lays the poodle on the table. Bartender says, "I suppose you won't be needing a drink." Naked lady says-- [ceiling breaks and he falls through] OHHH, SHI-I-I-IT!

Vernon:
[hearing the crash] Jesus Christ Almighty!

[John walks down the stairs and sees Andrew and Claire angrily stunned]

John:
[to students] Forgot my pencil. [almost goes back to his desk]

Vernon:
Goddamn it! [enters the library, and John hides under Claire's desk] What in God's name is goin' on in here? What was that ruckus?

Andrew:
Uh, what ruckus?

Vernon:
I was just in my office and I heard a ruckus.

Brian:
Could you describe the ruckus, sir?

Vernon:
Watch your tongue, young man, watch it. [John bangs his hand under Claire's desk, and Andrew bangs "Shave and a Haircut"] What is this? [Andrew imitates a zipper sound] What is that? What-What is that-- What is that noise?

Andrew:
What noise?

[John sees Claire's panties]

Claire:
Really, sir, there wasn't any noise. [moans and crushes John's hand, and makes an exaggerated sneeze and coughing sound, and the other students cough] That noise? Was that the noise that you're talking about?

Vernon:
No, it wasn't. That was not the noise I was talking about. Now, I may not have caught you in the act this time, but you can bet I will. [Allison laughs] You make book on that, Missy. [to Claire] And you! I will not be made a fool of.

[Vernon walks back to his office with a toilet seat liner hanging out of his pants.]