Ace Ventura: Pet Detective1994

Einhorn:
Shoot him! SHOOT HIM!

Emilio:
Hold your fire! [Melissa drags Emilio into the area with a gun pointed at him] Don't shoot.

Melissa:
Put your guns down or this cop gets it. I mean it! [c*cks gun and puts it under Emilio's chin]

Emilio:
She's not joking!

Einhorn:
HE KIDNAPPED SNOWFLAKE! He killed Roger Podacter, and he was just about to kill Dan Marino and ME!

Ace:
Oh-ho-HO! Fiction can be fun! But I find the reference section much more enlightening. For instance: if you were to look up professional football's all-time bonehead plays...you might read about a Miami Dolphin kicker named Ray Finkle, who missed a 26-yard field goal in the closing seconds of Super Bowl XVII. [takes deep breath and begins speaking at a faster clip] What you WOULDN'T read about is how Ray Finkle lost his mind, was committed to a mental hospital, only to escape and join the police force under the assumed identity of a missing hiker, manipulating his way to the top in a diabolical scheme to get even with Dan Marino whom he blamed for the entire thing! [gasps for air]

Aguado:
What the hell are you talking about?

Ace:
[pointing at Einhorn] SHE'S NOT LOIS EINHORN! She's Ray Finkle! She's a man!

Einhorn:
He's lying...SHOOT HIM!

Ace:
[laughs] Let's just see who's lying, shall we? Would a real woman have to wear one of these? [pulls on Einhorn's hair, assuming it's a wig] Boy, that's really on there! But tell me this...would a real woman be missing these? [rips open Einhorn's blouse, revealing her breasts] That kind of surgery can be done over the weekend! But I doubt very much if he could find the time during his... busy schedule...to get rid of big ol' Mr. Knish! [rips Einhorn's skirt off, believing she is hiding a penis, but she appears to have the normal figure of a woman] Heh heh...oh, boy.

Dan Marino:
Psst, Ace...come here.

Ace:
Would you excuse me for just one second? [Ace walks over to Marino, who whispers to him about something that leaves Ace agape] Ladies and gentlemen...my esteemed colleague, Mr. Marino, has just brought some new evidence to my attention. Now, history has certainly shown that even the most intuitive criminal investigator can be wrong from time to time. But if I am mistaken...if the Lieutenant is indeed a woman, as she claims to be...then, my friend, she is suffering from the worst case of hemorrhoids I HAVE EVER SEEN! [Ace grabs Einhorn and spins her around revealing a huge penis tucked behind her legs, making everyone gasp in shock] THAT'S why Roger Podacter is dead! He found Captain Winky!!

[Everyone in the Miami Dade PD, including Marino and Snowflake reacts in disgust because it means that Finkle/Einhorn had indeed kissed them like she/he did Ace.]

Ace:
Goodnight, everybody! You've been a wonderful audience! I'll be here all week. Be sure to tip your waitress.

[Finkle picks up a piece of glass]

Finkle:
DIE ANIMAL BOY!! [runs at Ace, attempting to kill him]

Ace:
Quick decision. [Ace somersaults Finkle into the water]