The Amazing Spider-Man2012

[a car thief breaks into a car with an electronic decoder. Unbeknownst to him, Spider-Man is on the back seat.]

Spider-Man:
Ahem. [the thief finally notices him] You know, in the future, if you're gonna steal a car, you don't dress like a car thief, man.

Car thief:
Who are you? Are you a cop?

Spider-Man:
Really? You seriously think I'm a cop? Cop in a skintight red and blue suit, you know, you, you... [webs the thief's face] You got the mind... [webs the car's door shut when the thief tries to open it] ...of a true scholar, sir. [after multiple attempts of opening the door, the thief rolls down the window] Good thinking, good thinking. Use the window, get out the window. [the thief escapes through the open window] There ya go, you got it. Whoa.

[the thief looks into the car again, but Spider-Man is nowhere to be seen. He looks around, nervously.]

Spider-Man:
CROTCH!!! [tackles the thief with a Frankensteiner]

Car thief:
[gets up and pulls a switchblade knife] Just let me go, alright?

Spider-Man:
Is that a knife? [falling to his knees in mocking terror] Is that a real knife?

Car thief:
Yeah, it's a real knife.

Spider-Man:
You found my weakness, it's small knives!

Car thief:
Just let me go, okay?

Spider-Man:
Anything but knives! [webs the thief's hand with the knife to the wall behind him; gets back to normal] Oh, it's so simple. That was cool, though...

Car thief:
What the hell is this?

Spider-Man:
Webbing that I developed myself, I dont think you really wanna know the details...

Car thief:
C'mon, let me go!! [Spider-Man webs his other hand to the wall] Now get off, man, let me go! [Spider-Man makes it seem he is about to sneeze, but webs the thief's crotch]

Car thief:
C'mon, let me go! Stop it!!! [Spider-Man keeps throwing webs at him, laughing hysterically; the thief's body is almost completely covered in webbing] Dude, that isn't funny!

Spider-Man:
It is kind of funny!

Car thief:
C'mon, heeeeelp!

Spider-Man:
Shhhh... [webs the thief's mouth shut; after a moment, he rushes to the thief and checks for the star tattoo on his wrist, only to discover he does not have it, thus is not Uncle Ben's killer] This could've got a lot worse. Now hold still... [stabs holes under the nostrils in the webbing on the thief's face so he can breathe]