Around the World in 80 Days2004

Phileas Fogg:
Gentlemen, today I have proven that man can break the 50 mph speed barrier without disrupting his internal organs.

Lord Kelvin:
Where is your Royal Academy of Science authorization?! Oh, what am I thinking? What a fool. That would mean that you are a real scientist!

[Everyone laughs]

Phileas Fogg:
By your definition, Kelvin, a real scientist's objective would be to prevent man from progress.

Lord Kelvin:
We live in a golden age, Fogg. Everything worth discovering has been discovered. Yet ridiculous dreamers like you insist on a past filled with "dinosaurs" and "evolution" and on a future filled with "motorized vehicles", "radio waves" and "flying machines".

Colonel Kitchener:
[marches into the room] Confound it! The bloody Bank of England is a madhouse!

Scientist #1:
[whispers in Passepartout's ear] Rumour has it that it was a foreigner, an Asian chap.

[The whisper passes on]

Scientist #2:
Yes, I heard it was a Chinese fellow and he acted alone.

[Passepartout whispers again.]

Lord Rhodes:
Uh, no, actually, they say he was Norwegian.

[Passepartout whispers again.]

Scientist #3:
In fact, it was a gang of elderly Norwegians.

Scientist #4:
Yes, I heard from a very reliable source that it was a gang of red-headed elderly Norwegians with very tiny feet.

[Everyone laughs, especially Passepartout]

Phileas Fogg:
Well, if you ask me, it's about time someone robbed that bank.

[Everyone gasps in anger.]

Phileas Fogg:
Like this very institution, the Bank of England is outdated!

Lord Kelvin:
As usual, Fogg, your contempt for tradition is appalling.

Phileas Fogg:
You rest on your "traditions" if you prefer, but as with this bank robber, progress waits for no-one.

Lord Kelvin:
Oh. So now you're an expert on the bank thief as well? Give us the benefit of your "ineffable wisdom", Fogg.

Phileas Fogg:
[gets out his pocket watch] Twenty-six minutes ago, a ship left Dover for Paris. From there, the thief takes the Orient Express, where he transfers to a steamer from Istanbul to India. In little over a month, that man could be in China.

[Passepartout thinks for a moment]

Lord Salisbury:
If we're to believe Fogg's "calculations", he will have circled the globe and returned to England in a fortnight!

[Everyone laughs, even Colonel Kitchener.]

Phileas Fogg:
Actually, by my calculations, it would be closer to...exactly 80 days.

[Passepartout whispers in a scientist's ear, who passes it on, until it reaches Lord Kelvin.]

Lord Kelvin:
Outstanding idea.

[Passepartout smiles.]

Lord Kelvin:
Well then, Fogg. Let's see you circumnavigate the world in 80 days.

Phileas Fogg:
I...That would be a fruitless use of my time. I'm on the verge of...numerous, countless...scientific breakthroughs. [Turns to go]

Lord Kelvin:
You coward! Admit it, it cannot be done.

Phileas Fogg:
[stops and wheels round] It CAN! I can do it.

Lord Kelvin:
A wager. £10,000!

Phileas Fogg:
Unlike you and your colleagues, money does not inspire me.

Lord Kelvin:
I believe every man has his price. Even you, oh noble Phileas Fogg. There must be something I could offer that would be worthy of your time.

Phileas Fogg:
There is. Your position as head of the Royal Academy.

[Chattering begins]

Phileas Fogg:
With the Queen's ear, I could lead Britain and the rest of the world into a new age of progress and discovery.

[Everyone begins laughing]

Lord Kelvin:
Fair enough.

Lord Salisbury:
What?

Lord Kelvin:
I, Lord Kelvin, hereby vow to surrender my position as Minister of Science, to Phileas Fogg...if he can circumnavigate the globe... in no more than 80 days. But if he cannot, he must never set foot in the academy again, he must tear down that abhorrent eyesore he calls a laboratory, and he must swear... never to invent again.

[Phileas is taken aback by this vow, not knowing what to say]

Lord Kelvin:
Just as I always suspected, Fogg. You promise so much, yet you deliver... oh, nothing!

[More laughter]

Phileas Fogg:
[quietly] I'll take your wager.

[The room goes quiet]

Lord Kelvin:
What did you say?

Phileas Fogg:
I'LL TAKE YOUR WAGER!

[Chattering again]

Lord Kelvin:
Then it's done. A man who has never set foot out of England, circling the globe. This is going to be rather amusing!

Phileas Fogg:
[roller-skates up to Kelvin] History won't remember your amusements, Lord Kelvin. But it'll be hard-pressed to forget the moment I'm standing on the very top step of the Royal Academy of Science...

[Big Ben strikes noon]

Phileas Fogg:
...by the strike of noon...

[Passepartout smiles]

Phileas Fogg:
...after I, Phileas Fogg, have traveled around the world in 80 days!