Dracula: Dead and Loving It1995

[Renfield is having breakfast with Dr. Seward. He sees a bug on the table and eats it]

Dr. Seward:
I was just telling Ma—what was that?

Renfield:
Huh?

Dr. Seward:
You just grabbed something from the table.

Renfield:
I did not.

Dr. Seward:
Yes you did, I saw you, you put it in your mouth. I think it was an insect.

Renfield:
[thinks of an alibi] Oh, that was a raspberry.

Dr. Seward:
Raspberry? We're not serving raspberries.

Renfield:
Then it must have been a raisin. I guess it fell off the muffin. See? There's one missing.

[The two men laugh. Renfield sees a spider coming towards him, and he quickly eats it up]

Dr. Seward:
How silly of me! It must have been my imagin—there, you did it again!

Renfield:
Huh?

Dr. Seward:
You just put a bug in your mouth. I think it was a spider!

Renfield:
I did not.

Dr. Seward:
Yes, you did.

Renfield:
I did not.

Dr. Seward:
Yes, you did.

Renfield:
I did not.

Dr. Seward:
[shouts] I tell you I saw you snatch a spider right out of the air and eat it!

Renfield:
A spider?

[Swallows the spider in his mouth]

Renfield:
How absurd!

[A grasshopper jumps onto the patio. He intentionally throws his fork]

Renfield:
Oh! Dropped my fork! [gets on all fours and scrambles under the table for the insect]

Dr. Seward:
Mr. Renfield, what are you doing down there? This is most unseemly!

Renfield:
Fork found! [Comes back up] Sorry for the delay.

[The grasshopper's leg is sticking out of Renfield's mouth, and wriggling about]

Dr. Seward:
My God, man! You're eating insects right from the ground!

Renfield:
...What makes you say that?

Dr. Seward:
I can see one trying to get out of your mouth!

Renfield:
Out of my mouth?

Dr. Seward:
Yes, out of your mouth! Your very own mouth and it's wriggling about!

Renfield:
Don't be ridiculous! Wriggling!

Dr. Seward:
I'm not ridiculous at all! It's wriggling all over the place! The poor thing, it's fighting for its life!

[Renfield eyes the grasshopper's leg, which has fallen from his mouth and quickly scoops it up]

Renfield:
I don't know what you're talking about. If you insist on ranting like this, I'm going to leave!

Dr. Seward:
Me, ranting? You're the ranter!

[Renfield spots a fly]

Renfield:
[to the fly] Hello, little darling!

[Grabs the air in attempt to catch the fly]

Renfield:
Don't be afraid!

[Laughs in a strange tone]

Renfield:
I won't hurt you! All I want is your life!

[Renfield does a body slam across Dr. Seward's lap, and knocks everything off the table. Renfield is soon grabbed by two asylum attendants.]

Dr. Seward:
That's it! Put him in a straight jacket and give him an enema! Wait! Wait, wait... Give him the enema FIRST. THEN put him in a straitjacket.