I, Robot2004

[after Spooner escapes from Dr. Lanning's house being demolished]

Dr. Calvin:
Is there something I need to help you with, detective?

Spooner:
Hey, do you like cats?

Dr. Calvin:
Wait, what?

Spooner:
Cats. Do you like them?

Dr. Calvin:
What? No, I'm allergic... Are you saying that cats did this to you!?

Spooner:
[looks at her incredulously] How the hell would cats do this to me? Are you crazy?! [gets a drink of whiskey from a nearby table]

Dr. Calvin:
Why are we talking about cats?

Spooner:
Because I have a cat in my trunk, and he's homeless.

Dr. Calvin:
Aren't you going to tell me what's going on here?

Spooner:
You know, I think this is my fault, you know, that I'm like a sort of malfunction magnet, because your sh*t keeps malfunctioning around me; A demo-bot just tore through Lanning's house - with me still inside!

Dr. Calvin:
That's highly improbable.

Spooner:
[sarcastically] Yeah, I'll say it is. [truthfully] Do you know anything about the "ghost in the machine"?

Dr. Calvin:
It's a phrase from Lanning's work on the Three Laws. He postulated that cognitive simalactra might one day approximate component models of the psyche. [notices Spooner looking confused] He suggested that robots could naturally evolve.

Spooner:
: [sarcastic] Wow! Well, that's just great. [notices an NS-5 sitting on her couch] What the hell is that thing doing in here?

Dr. Calvin:
We were watching TV. It's my personal NS-5.

Spooner:
Send it out.

Dr. Calvin:
It's downloading its upgrades from USR. Most of its systems are offline until it finishes.

Spooner:
I'm not talking in front of that thing. [moves away] In the lab, when Sonny jumped us-

Dr. Calvin:
Sonny?

Spooner:
The robot.

Dr. Calvin:
You're calling the robot Sonny?

Spooner:
No, um, it did. Sonny did. I didn't care, the robot said it was Sonny. In the lab, there was a cot. I'm asking you, did you see the cot?

Dr. Calvin:
I've slept in my office.

Spooner:
I went to Dr. Lanning's home, it looked like he hadn't been in there in weeks, and I saw that same surveillance strip on the ceiling.

Dr. Calvin:
Lanning had his home security system linked to USR. It made his life more convenient.

Spooner:
Maybe someone in USR was using those systems to watch him, maybe even keep him prisoner.

Dr. Calvin:
What are you talking about? Who?

Spooner:
Maybe Lanning was onto something. Maybe... There's a bigger problem with the robots, and Robertson is trying to cover it up.

Dr. Calvin:
Humoring you, for no reason... Why?

Spooner:
[becoming annoyed] The same old "why"... How much money is there in robots? [pause] All I know is, that poor old man was in trouble, and I'm sick and tired of doing this sh*t by myself. You're on the inside, and you're going to help me find out what is wrong with these robots.

Dr. Calvin:
[irritated] You "want" something to be wrong with them! This is a personal vendetta!

Detective Del Spooner:
[mockingly] Oh, you're putting me on the couch? Alright, just a moment... [sits on the desk chair] Okay, I'm on the couch.

Dr. Calvin:
One defective machine is not enough for you, You need them all to be bad! You don't care about Dr. Lanning's death; This is about the robots and, for whatever reason, you hate them so much!

Spooner:
[gets up from the chair] Well, let's see. One of them put a gun in my face, and another onetore a building down with me still inside.

Dr. Calvin:
[checks her device] Demolition was scheduled for 8 PM this evening.

Spooner:
It was 8 AM tomorrow, and I don't give a sh*t what that thing says!

Dr. Calvin:
This is bordering on clinical paranoia.

Spooner:
[struggling to contain himself] You are the DUMBEST, smart person, I have ever met in my life!

Dr. Calvin:
Nice.

Spooner:
[frustrated] What makes your robots so perfect?! What makes them so much... GODDAMN better than human beings?!

Dr. Calvin:
Well, they're not irrational, or potentially homicidal maniacs for starters!

Spooner:
[sarcastically] That is true. They are definitely rational.

Dr. Calvin:
You are the dumbest dumb person I've ever met!

Spooner:
Or is it because they're cold, and emotionless, and they don't feel anything?

Dr. Calvin:
It's because they're safe! It's because they can't hurt you!

NS-5 Robot:
[appears] Is everything all right, ma'am?

Spooner:
Hey, what do you want?!

NS-5 Robot:
I detected elevated stress patterns in your voice.

Dr. Susan Calvin:
Everything's fine. [pointedly, to Spooner] Detective Spooner was just leaving.

[Spooner procedes to do so, then stops beside her]

Spooner:
You know something, Doc? You and I ain't that different.

Dr. Calvin:
[scoffs] Is that so?

Spooner:
One look at the skin, and we think we know just what's underneath. And you're wrong. [gives her a picture of her and Dr. Lanning] The problem is I do care.

[Spooner leaves as Calvin begins to cry, clutching the photograph]