Hitch2005

Hitch:
So, tell me about her.

Vance:
Have you ever met someone, and you knew right away she was gonna be important to you? Not just because of her looks, but that X factor?

Hitch:
How'd you meet her?

Vance:
Actually, I was in a shop buying pajamas for my mom-

Hitch:
And by that, of course, you mean you were buying lingerie for another woman.

Vance:
Yes. You can't help where you meet somebody. And the lingerie is for a woman I'm no longer seeing... But anyway, the girl I met, the one I was talking about... She's so sweet, funny, Southern. She gives me her number... Now she won't return my phone calls. I don't know what it is about her. I just can't get her out of my mind. You know? Food has lost its taste. Colors, they seem dull. Things that used to matter... I don't know, they just no longer do. I think things aren't gonna snap back unless I... Unless I bang her.

Hitch:
...Excuse me?

Vance:
You know, bang her. Clear my head. Get in, get off, get out.

Hitch:
...I think you may have misunderstood what I do, exactly.

Vance:
[taken back] No, I was told that you help guys get in there!

Hitch:
Right, but see, here's the thing - my clients actually like women. "Hit it and quit it" is not my thing.

Vance:
Let me make one thing clear to you, rabbi, I need professional help.

Hitch:
Well, that is for damn certain. And I'm glad you can admit it because generally, that's the hardest part.

Vance:
[grabs Hitch by the wrist] You see what I'm doing? This is what I'm about - power suit, power tie, power steering. People can wince, cry, beg, but eventually they do what I want.

Hitch:
[not intimidated] Oh! So that's, like, a metaphor?

Vance:
Oh, yeah.

Hitch:
Right. Well, see, I'm more of a literal kind of guy. So when I do this... [he reverses the grip, twists Vance's arm back and slams him on the table] This is more like me saying that I will literally break your sh*t off if you ever touch me again. Mmkay, pumpkin?