Hoodwinked!2005

[first lines]

Narrator:
[voiceover] Red Riding Hood. You probably know the story. [cue the sound of a small girl screaming] But there's more to every tale than meets the eye. It's just like they always say: "You can't judge a book by its cover". If you want to know the truth, you've got to flip through the pages. [The book flips open to a popup map. The camera zooms in, flies through the trees, and comes to rest on the front door of a cottage in a meadow]

[A figure opens the front door]

Red Puckett:
Granny? [hearing nothing, she steps into the living room] It's me, Red. [looks around, uncertain] Is everything okay?

Wolf W. Wolf:
[falsetto voice] Oh, oh yeah. Sure thing. Come on in. [camera whip-pans to show the Wolf sitting up in Granny's bed, dressed in an apron and wearing a plastic face mask. Red cautiously approaches him]

Red:
What? Wh-- who are you?

Wolf:
I'm your grandma.

Red:
Your face looks really weird, Granny.

Wolf:
I've been sick, I... uh... [puts his hands over his chest]

Red:
Your mouth doesn't move when you talk.

Wolf:
[taps his mask] Oh, uh, plastic surgery. Grandma's had a little work done. Now come on over here. Let's have a look at you. [Red steps closer, warily]

Red:
So... what's going on, "grandma"?

Wolf:
Oh, this and that. Doing a lot of quilting. So, you got the loot? [Red notices his furry hands]

Red:
Whoa, what big hands you have!

Wolf:
Oh! All the better to scratch my back with! [does so]

Red:
And what big ears you have!

Wolf:
[becoming increasingly irritated] All the better to hear your... many criticisms! Old people just have big ears, dear.

Red:
[shakes her head in disbelief] And Granny... what big eyes you have!

Wolf:
[losing his temper] Are we just going to sit around here and talk about how big I'm getting?! [leans in closer to Red] You came here for a reason, didn't ya? So tell ole Granny what you've got in the basket! [Red leans back, disgusted]

Red:
Ugh! Granny! What bad breath you have!

Wolf:
All right! [pulls off his mask; Red screams and takes a step back]

Red:
You again?! What do I have to do, get a restraining order?!

Wolf:
Settle down, little girl, I'm on to you!

Red:
HI-YAH! [Red positions her arms in a fighting stance]

Wolf:
Save it, Red fu! You've been dodging me all day, but now you might as well give up. [Grabs a fireplace poker; Red runs into the living room, where he manages to corner her]

Red:
Hi-yah! You crazy wolf! What have you done with Granny?!

Wolf:
[grabs her arm] I've taken Granny down and you're next! [Granny bursts out of the closet, bound and gagged]

Red:
Granny!

Wolf:
But, you, that's not... [Kirk bursts through the window, holding an axe] Whoa! Whoa!