Horse Feathers1932

Wagstaff:
This college is a failure. The trouble is, we're neglecting football for education.

The Professors:
[in unison] Exactly, the professor is right.

Wagstaff:
Oh, I'm right, am I? Well, I'm not right. I'm wrong. I just said that to test ya. Now I know where I'm at. I'm dealing with a couple of snakes. What I meant to say was that there's too much football and not enough education.

The Professors:
That's what I think.

Wagstaff:
Oh, you do, do you? Well, you're wrong again. If there was a snake, you'd apologize. Where would this college be without football? Have we got a stadium?

The Professors:
Yes.

Wagstaff:
Have we got a college?

The Professors:
Yes.

Wagstaff:
Well, we can't support both. Tomorrow we start tearing down the college.

The Professors:
But Professor. Where will the students sleep?

Wagstaff:
Where they always sleep. In the classroom.

Secretary:
Oh, Professor. The Dean of Science wants to know how soon you can see him. He says he's tired of cooling his heels out here.

Wagstaff:
Tell him I'm cooling a couple of heels in here. Where were we? Oh, yeah. How much am I payin' you fellas?

Professor:
$5,000 a year, but we've never been paid.

Wagstaff:
Well, in that case, I'll raise you to $8,000. And a bonus. Bring your dog around, and I'll give him a bonus, too.

Secretary:
The Dean is furious. He's waxing wroth.

Wagstaff:
Is Roth out there, too? Tell Roth to wax the Dean for a while.